Do you have a friend you just cant be around anymore?

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by MAJOR METAL, Jan 12, 2005.


    MAJOR METAL HARVESTER OF SORROW Staff Member Supporting Member

    Because you need to look out for your own well being and comitments. How have you said good bye to friends like this?.
  2. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX
    I used to have a coworker who was out of control. Just doing crazy stuff at work all the time. However, we had a similar since of humor and I would let myself get pulled into his antics. This is an example of one of those kinds of people that I SHOULD have disassociated myself with but did not. I ended up getting written up once because of him. He got fired not long after that for another incident in which he was doing something that I had also previously taken part in but I just didn't get caught. This was back in college but I ended up working full-time with that same company for 2 years after I graduated college. So it's a good thing that he got fired or I probably would have too. I think today I would have the discernment and will to actually not take part in things with a guy like that.

    brad cook
  3. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Terrific Twister

    Apr 12, 2001
    Lacey, WA
    My best friend for most of my life never quite wanted to start acting like an adult. At the age of 33, he still acted like he did when we were teen-agers.

    I explained to him that we have been friends forever, but if he wanted to keep acting like a teenager, I would have to limit my association with him. I left it at that. He rarely calls me anymore. I still see him a couple times a week, but we don't say much.

  4. Against Will

    Against Will Supporting Member

    Dec 10, 2003
    Big Sound Central
    I don't think I've ever conciously broken apart a relationship with a friend. It usually happens that we just both drift apart, either because of differing interests or distance. Is this a personal problem you're having with someone or do you just need to focus on your seminary work?

    If it's the latter, then do you really need to break off your relationship with him? I can understand needing to be away to focus on your ecclesiastical duties, but not breaking off contact completely. Maybe I'm missing something here, but I've found that friendships, especially good ones, can be very resilient over time. I've also found that many of them are worth keeping.

    If it's a personal issue you have with someone, well, then I guess you just have to tell them the truth.
  5. Josh Ryan

    Josh Ryan - that dog won't hunt, Monsignor. Staff Member Supporting Member

    Mar 24, 2001
    I had a friend who brought out my worst tendencies. He was extremely passive aggressive, which made me extremely aggressive (never physically, just verbally rude and very harsh). Everything I did was turned into a competition, and I fell right into the same game again and again. He called me a while ago to play in a political type band with him. I tried it, but left fairly quickly when two things became apparent: 1) the same B.S. was going to go on and 2) they made Michael Moore and Sean Hannity look like sensible rock solid objective reporters. I tried telling them about point number 2 a few times, but eventually I just left.
  6. bluemonk


    Dec 17, 2002
    I agree with Against Will, that usually friendships drift apart as people change, but I had a friend for a very long time who wasn't entirely well emotionally, and when I began to drift on, she began to cling. I ended up having to tell her that I didn't want to spend so much time on the phone (long distance) and that I needed to go on with my life (this was NOT a romantic relationship)took a while. It took a while. I didn't return phone calls. I had decided that she was talking to me rather than a therapist, and that wasn't really helping her out.
  7. ApeIsHigh81


    Aug 24, 2004
    By the time I realized those "certain" friends were no longer worth it because of their childish antics, I just stopped calling them, would tell them I was busy when they would call me, and when I would see them around, I would just act like a pr*** and blow them off.... it was extremely tough, but you kinda have to remember that if they feel they can have leeway(sp) with their bs to jeopordize the friendship, you have the same leeway to not care about them anymore. I think grown-a** men know right from wrong.
  8. I soon will probably be leaving one of my better friends. He just doesn't give a s*** about anything, and is a complete jackass.

    But I will be hopefully getting a place with a couple of good other friends, and all will be well.
  9. Umm.. should we save this quote from you for later on down the road, when you start a "worst roommate" topic? Word of caution: excellent friends do not always make excellent housemates. Not saying this will necessarily be the situation with you... but the odds are in favor of it.

  10. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX
    This reminds me of the episode of Seinfeld where Jerry and Keith Hernandez were "breaking up".

    brad cook
  11. Well, I've known these guys for at least 7 years each, and none of them are any messier than I am.

    And I'm hoping all will go very smoothly. But financially, it may be a bit rough for a while.
  12. McHack


    Jul 29, 2003
    Central Ohio!
    I used to have a good friend, who was self-destructive in a very private way. He was excessively obese. I mean, 450lbs obese.

    He'd make big production style declarations about how he was going to Jenny Craig & blah blah blah... Then, the next day, you'd catch him in the Burger King drive thru, w/ a bag of 5 whoppers.

    It didnt bother me at first, but my Mom died of Cirrohsis AND Emphesema, so enduring the complete liar, compulsive addictive personality really REALLY got to me. Finally, he had to go in for re-constructive knee surgery, because he knees were blowing out underneath his girth. This also happened the same week, that John Candy died.

    I told him just that & instead of getting his addictions under control, he just avoided me after that.
  13. Bad Brains

    Bad Brains Banned

    Jan 7, 2004
    Detroit, michigan
    Listin to this man. I learned this the hard way.

    Anyways 2004 was the year I broke away from many freindships. This was mostly due to depression, lack of self esteem (I mean, why would they want to hang with me anyways), my dilusional thoughts and awkard imigination, difference in interests/personality. It was very hard, and I think i'm a little better/grown up now but I just can't get myself to go back. Now I think I have but a couple people I see occasionally and my roomate moved out. So now I pretty much just sit alone everyday. Kinda nice, but also kind of sucks.
  14. Aaron Saunders

    Aaron Saunders

    Apr 27, 2002
    I've been there on more than one occasion. I'm getting to that point with the guitarist in my band...*sigh*
  15. Only


    Sep 8, 2002
    Warrensburg, MO
    Don't make me PM you the story of my ex-roommate. Living with people SUCKS.


  16. PM it to me please!
  17. BOOM_chucker

    BOOM_chucker Guest

    Jan 6, 2005
    Vancouver, BC
    The easiest way to end a friendship is to live with the person.
    +1. Happened to me twice, once when I was younger, and again years later. Not worth it.

    I've had to end a friendship as well because the guy could not take any responsibility for his own actions and still acts like he's 16, though he just turned 31. Everything that happens to him in personal/work life is someone else's fault. He refuses to look at his own actions or take responsibility for his behaviour or decisions.

    Then this guy became an addict and refused to listen to any of his friends' concern. Started showing up to work hours late, taking off early, skipping days entirely - had a confrontation with the boss who gave him one last chance to at 8AM the next day and the guy didn't show up because he was out all night partying on a Wednesday night. Again, total denial.
    Since he can't hold down a real job, he started selling. That crossed the line for me.

    I don't want to be an "associate" to someone doing that sh**.

    Sometimes, it just isn't worth it to try and stick by a friend "no matter what" as I've heard others describe it.

    You tend to reflect and become like those you surround yourself with. We are judged by the company we keep.
  18. Only


    Sep 8, 2002
    Warrensburg, MO
    You didn't want that PM. I assure you.

    Also, to say on-topic: When you can do this (when the person and you are still friends, and he's not a jerk to you) all you have to do is sit down with him somewhere and say something along the lines of:

    "Dude, I know you like hanging upside down from the rafters and dropping water balloons on girls' heads below (you may substitute whatever he's doing that bothers you here). But I'm a lifeguard (again, this is a point which you are free to change, within limits. Don't tell him you're Batman or anything, because then you'd have given away your secret identity, and that's bad.). I see people in trouble with water all day long. I really can't hang around with you when you're doing that and watch it happen. And, seriously, if one of those girls got hurt, then I feel like I'm failing in my goals, letting water get someone while I could have stopped it. I'm not saying you have to change, but you see how our lifestyles are incompatible here, so we really can't hang out as much. I'll still see you around sometimes, though. And if you ever need help, I'm there for you, man. Peace"

    Or something similar.
  19. Matt Till

    Matt Till

    Jun 1, 2002
    Edinboro, PA
    I've heard people mention this "friend" word, but usually when I hear it, I just nod and smile because I have no idea what they are talking about. What are these "friends" do you purchace them at a store of some sort?
  20. Matt -

    No, you cannot purchase them; they must be earned. Do not be fooled by those who offer their "friendship" based on the amount of money you have -- they are not truly your friends.