Do you have aspirations (or delusions) of grandeur?

My story parallels yours.

I do feel like I missed out (because my marriage sucked), but I also realized I never would have lived into my forties had gotten "really big".

 

I made a pretty decent living with original music as a bass player. Better than that, bassin’ money and a little bit of royalties paid for my engineering degree. No regrets there. It takes skill, luck and good relationships but even then it doesn’t always last forever. But it’s pretty good to have a payday for your own work. Especially cool to be stuck at a red light and someone in the next car is doing the head bop to your junk. Not fame or “grandeur” but ok-ish.

 

I gave up my delusions of grandeur and learned to settle for delusions of adequacy!

 

Nope.
I didn't even know what I wanted to be when I grew up...
I'm 52 and still don't know what I want to be or do...
Never had any ambitions to be famous or popular etc. Only picked up the bass 15 years ago. Still have no ambitions to be a mega star... I totally understand and relate to the therapy aspect..

 

Nope. Never content. Grandeur, fame, etc? No, that's not it, that's not what I crave or have in mind. But to work and make a living at it consistently? With varied genres and projects? Yeah...I need that. It's what I am and no other jobs or careers have been a fraction as fulfilling.

 

Nope...just enjoy playing.

 

Yeah. I thought a lot about this recently. Even more last night as I rewatched "Festival Express", the 2003 documentary about the 1970s festival train ride across canada. I watched Jerry Garcia playing in the train car and it just struck me how extremely happy he looked, playing a song he obviously knew well. Even though there was no challenge in it, no new technique to be learned, no fame, money or anything to be gained from playing in that situation other than the pure enjoyment and happiness of the music itself.

It alerted me to the fact that lately (or ever?) I havent been properly enjoying the music as I play it. Like, in a deeper sense. I enjoy playing it, I enjoy listening to it, but on some deeper level I could also enjoy both at the same time. Kind of like rekindling that feeling you felt the first time you heard what would become your favourite song, while youre actually the one playing it, and playing it for the first time.

Going forward it's going to be one of my main goals to adapt this mindset and try to play and hear the music with a fresh sense of wonder every time

 

I think I see the problem. "World-famous" and "bassist" appear in the same sentence.

 

I am relentlessly small-time.

 

If I got lucky, I was good enough coming up, technically. Thats nowhere near the whole picture though.

However, now I'm light years on as a player, I don't aspire to the slog. I'm happy with a few quality gigs, playing with a few quality players...and note their lifestyle 'playing the dream-which is relative and subjective- and wanting no part of it.

So, to sum up, it is all about timing. And a no from me.

 

In high school, I was playing electric bass with the best people in my area. Touring regionally. Several of them have gone on to be full time successful professionals in Nashville and LA, etc. I was also killing it on upright, All State orchestra, a teacher that was all but guaranteeing he could put in a good word for me and get me a music scholarship.

But I had this feeling that, all the music I really loved was not mainstream. I saw many of my favorite bands and hung out with them after shows, saw their stinky tour vans. And I didnt want to play any old music. I wanted to write and play my music. So I decided then, the cost/benefit (like a non Ramen every day) wasn't there.

I got a degree in something that seems like it could be an interesting day job. Psychology. I worked directly with at risk and kids in foster care for years, eventually became a lawyer for (and sometimes against) that system.

And that all the while gave me the freedom to build progressively better home studios, record myself, friends. Again, to play my music.

The fact Ive gotten paid and appreciated along the way, people have bought CDs, paid the cover, bought downloads, the thousands of streams, thats all bonus. I have a deep compulsion to write songs. I would do that even if no one else liked them.

 

Neither content, nor in it to win it. I play music almost exclusively for myself. Always pushing myself to keep learning, and playing progressively better music. I just love it.

 

I only started gigging a year before I graduated from college, got married and took a serious day job. That pretty much limited my music "career". However, even as a local yokel I've spent plenty of time in bands with pros, both before and after they got record deals and toured the USA and Europe. So I guess I've done OK

 

I decided not to chase the dream 30+ years ago when I learned "starving artist" is an accurate description for most. In 2023, the market is much smaller.

 

Yes. I used to be stupid when I was young.


Some would say I still am. But I used to be, too!

 

Everybody measures success differently: at my late age, I started a bass YouTube channel. Its not the best but I enjoy doing it and - as a bonus - theres a handful of people that like what I do with it -- thats good enough success for me

 

I wouldn't say I had aspirations or delusions, but I did have fantasies. The driving force behind these fantasies wasn't fame or external validation, but more revenge. I wanted to show every boss and bully what I was made of. Show every girl that rejected me what she missed out on.

Then when I started playing gigs I realized that people would either respect me or not. My friends thought it was cool I was getting gigs, and haters hated me even more. "Jeez, you're not gonna be a rock star. Grow up."

As I got older and looked at my own insecurities I realized I play music because that's just who I am. I love music and I love to create....and I'd much rather play and write original music in someone's basement than play cover songs for money.

Now I see music as more than a hobby, but a way to intergrate my shadow (Google 'Carl Jung shadow' if you're unfamiliar with this concept). It's an essential part of who I am (my purpose), and essential to my growth as a person.

 

I gave up the idea of being a Rock Star 40 years ago. Curiously, the biggest and best gigs of my life are...right now.