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Do you tell your teenagers about your past drug use??

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by capnjim, Jun 7, 2014.


  1. capnjim

    capnjim

    Mar 13, 2008
    So my son is 14 yrs old. He tells me kids smoke dope on his bus. Its only a matter of time before he will want to try it.
    I smoked a lot when I was younger and feel it had a very severe effect on my life. If I could say one bad thing about weed....is that it really does de-motivate you.
    I was extremely lucky to meet my wife and have three great kids, I'm talking winning the lottery lucky.
    I really had no drive or ambition and am now stuck in a dead end job I don't really like. At 50yrs old, there's no going back or starting over. Its a decent job, good benefits and I'll get a pension. But, I'm pretty smart and feel I could have done a lot more with my life if I hadn't have spent my teens and 20's stoned.
    So...do I tell my son this? He is so much like me its scary. Addictive personality for sure.
    Just thought I would run it by you good folks as I have had excellent advice here before.
    Cheers!!
     
  2. Unrepresented

    Unrepresented Something Borderline Offensive

    Jul 1, 2006
    San Diego, CA
    Why not tell him an age appropriate version of what you shared with us?
     
  3. pacojas

    pacojas "FYYA BUN"

    Oct 11, 2009
    MEXICANADAMERICA
    i left it in the hands of the OverLord... 3 kids, 1 smoker, 2 sober. the smoker is not stressed,.. the other 2 are basket cases, drama queens, stressed, & depressed.
    go figure!:confused:
     
  4. lowfreq33

    lowfreq33

    Jan 27, 2010
    Nashville
    Endorsing Artist: Genz Benz Amplification
    Given your obvious regrets, I'd be completely honest.

    And what the hell are kids doing smoking weed on a school bus? What is the driver doing?


    Sent from my iPad using TalkBass
     
    MrMoose, MartinG1957 and ImNotJoel like this.
  5. capnjim

    capnjim

    Mar 13, 2008
    My son says the bus driver is scared to confront them. Just drives the bus. I'm not sure what an "age appropriate" version would be??
     
  6. DeathFromBelow

    DeathFromBelow Never Forget. Banned

    Dec 23, 2010
    Horten, Norway
    Do you feel comfortable with lying to your children? If you do, then by all means, go ahead.
     
  7. bass12

    bass12 Say "Ahhh"... Supporting Member

    Jun 8, 2008
    Montreal, Canada
    I don't have any kids but my mother was always open with me about her past drug use. Perhaps partly because it was never a taboo subject I've never been curious about drugs and have, consequently never done any. Then again, the subject of sex wasn't taboo either... :D
     
  8. jmattbassplaya

    jmattbassplaya Looking for a gig around East Islip, NY!

    Jan 13, 2008
    You don't have to give away the entire farm when you talk to him, but you do need to talk to him.
     
    Remyd, Dug2 and zenrad like this.
  9. lowfreq33

    lowfreq33

    Jan 27, 2010
    Nashville
    Endorsing Artist: Genz Benz Amplification
    Do you live in Detroit?


    Sent from my iPad using TalkBass
     
  10. My daughter is 7 but when the time comes I think I'll be honest, I'd encourage you to do the same especially if you feel dope held you back in life.

    I glad you found your family though :)
     
  11. Danomo

    Danomo Guest

    Apr 25, 2013
    Depends entirely on the kid. Daughter #1 heard my tales of caution and in her head thought "Cool", daughter #2 heard them as intended and avoided those pitfalls. There's no way to tell if it will help upfront really.

    In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have told them to either kid, as maybe #1 would have not thought it OK to try what previous family members did...


    Fender JP-90
    Epi Bass Club #169 JC sig
     
    zenrad likes this.
  12. Tituscrow

    Tituscrow Banned

    Feb 14, 2011
    NW England
    You should both hit a bong whilst listening to Hellhammer.

    That's some next-level kvlt that kids these days can't handle and will cure him for life.
     
  13. Rosebud

    Rosebud

    Jan 3, 2007
    My bus driver put a scare into me about drugs... Which helped. I don't think you should take that route but it does sound like you regret it enough you can't afford not to talk to your kid. Just say your familiar with the topic and you're against it. I feel like you can't be too wishy washy if you leave wiggle room, you might not make your case.
     
  14. nukes_da_bass

    nukes_da_bass Banned

    Feb 19, 2006
    west suburban boston
    I'll tell my kids.
    Issue is, i can't separate weed out because so many drugs were an integral part of my teens.
    There's "uncle Dave" about an hour away who has a chronic bong habit 18 hours a day. I'll just introduce Dave and let the moldy pizza boxes convince them of what a productive lifestyle may or may not include.

    I am NOT anti drug. If my kids turn out to be able to smoke and drink socially I'll breathe a big sigh of relief.
     
  15. embellisher

    embellisher Holy Ghost filled Bass Player Supporting Member

    I told my kids about it. Son is drug free but has no motivation. Daughter just wants to get high or drunk all the time and the alcohol is ruining her life. :(
     
  16. hrodbert696

    hrodbert696 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    At fourteen, I can't think of a whole lot that would be inappropriate. Just tell him what you told us, period.
     
  17. I vote "Yes". Tell him about it, factually and without any BS. In other words don't include any of the cute little clich├ęs from the anti-drug war, they sound so hollow.

    Give him your own experience, when you can say honestly "this is what I experienced" then it won't come across as preaching. Has to be sincere though.
     
    LiquidMidnight likes this.
  18. 4StringAxe

    4StringAxe

    Jul 27, 2009
    I say be honest, but don't make it sound like the best time of your life. You can only guide your children so far. At some point they are going to be faced with decisions they will have to make on their own. I tell my kids it doesn't really matter what I did in the past, it's what we are all doing now and onward that matters. Lord knows there are more than enough examples of how bad drugs are to show children.
     
  19. 1958Bassman

    1958Bassman

    Oct 20, 2007
    I didn't see anything in the first post that a 14 year old can't handle. If he pulls out the old "So, it was OK for you to get high, but not for me?", just say, "No, it was definitely NOT OK for me to do that. The side-effects aren't good and if you watch, many the kids who are getting high now will be in some kind of trouble later.". Also, look for info about the developmental damage to young brains and memory.

    Emphasize the good things that have happened since you stopped smoking it, too.
     
  20. Please don't take this wrong.

    You've done well for yourself. You have a decent job with benefits and a good family. The feelings you have sound like disappointment in how things have turned out so far, and you are (somewhat) pointing the finger at pot because maybe without it, you could've gone farther or taken a different direction. Maybe the direction you took wasn't just because of the pot, but just because. It's OK if you honestly feel that pot is the reason, but also look at ALL other factors in your formative years.

    I'm a little older than you, and I'm pretty sure I'd be in the same situation I'm in now even if I'd never smoked pot. Things were different when we were in our teens/ twenties. You could get a blue collar job and support a family on it. It didn't even have to be a great job. Times have changed, and rarely is there a blue collar job available that one can support a family on. Maybe if you had hit your twenties and the world then was like it is now, you may had taken a different course.

    About the pot; there's a good chance he will try it. I had that talk(s) with my son when he was a teenager and told him when he was ready (or tempted enough by his friends) to bring it home and do it there. At least that way, the chance of his first time being a little safer was possible. He did. We went out to my workshop, and I showed him how to do it. Then I told him I had been an occasional user his whole life.

    He still smokes every now and then, as do I. I don't think it had any real effect on how things have turned out since then, and that was about 16 years ago.

    Good luck with your decision.
     

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