Does anybody in your band get along?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by Gabu, Aug 8, 2002.

  1. Gabu


    Jan 2, 2001
    Woodland Hills, CA
    The most iritating the about my band is that I only really like the singer.

    It's not that I dislike the other two members... It's just that we never talk. The only time I ever see them is during practice or shows and even then communication is only, "as needed". It's kind of weird to be in a band comprised of strangers.

    On the other hand, I chat with the singer by phone, email... etc etc and we talk regularly so I feel that I know him and that we are friends. Sometimes it gets to me and I think I should just quit. It doesn't seem as fun to me playing with strangers... I may as well get a second job.

    What do you all think? Do you guys play with people that you hardly know? People that you aren't ever going to try to know? Maybe people that you don't want to know?
  2. Nino Valenti

    Nino Valenti Supporting Member Commercial User

    Feb 2, 2001
    Staten Island NYC
    Builder: Valenti Basses
    We've been playing together for 8 years (3 years w/Singer) & yes, we get along. Ocassionally, we get on each other's nerves, but for the most part, we get along great.
  3. LiquidMidnight


    Dec 25, 2000
    That's an interesting subject you bring up Gabu.

    I get along with everyone in my band. But, I also,only talk to them usually when it is a band situation. Such as someone calling me to tell me of new bookings, or that we're having practice next week, if I could find lyrics to a song that we are going cover ect. I mean, the rest of my band live 45 minutes to an hour away from me, so it's not like I could just jump in my car and just go hang. Even though age shouldn't matter, I'm 20 and they are like 30 so there is a bit of an age barrier. Still, when I'm at practice or playing a gig, I am always treated like a family member and respected as a musican, and I think that's what counts. I know if I was over in the area of where one of my bands mates lived and I needed a place to crash or whatever, I could count on them.

    Personally, if I went to an audition and I thought even one of the guys was a jerk, I wouldn't join. Or if I was in a band that was auditioning people, and I thought the person applying for the band was a jerk, I wouldn't hire him/her. Music is enjoyment and release for me, so I don't want to have to worry about playing with someone I can't stand.

    Though just recently was involved in a recording project where the drummer was very shady. I like the guy and he was always cool with me, but there's just something about him that made me kind of edgy.
  4. There should be a basic respect among bandmates. This doesn't mean becoming buddies. Sometimes the tension of imperfect personal relationships within a band can manifest itself as extraordinary music. As long as professionalism prevails, you can agree to disagree and still go home feeling good about what you do.
  5. beermonkey


    Sep 26, 2001
    Seattle, WA
    We all get along... unfortunately that has led to us keeping one member for far too long; as he is not on par with the rest of the musicians. He's getting fired after our next gig.
  6. Brad Barker

    Brad Barker Supporting Member

    Apr 13, 2001
    berkeley, ca
    yeah! the drummer and i get along really well...we both think the guitar player is a JERK!!

    i'm just kidding.

    occasionally, it's difficult being in a band when everyone thinks that his way is the right one. but we usually work out our problems...


    conflict: the drummer just couldn't work with guitar player no. 2.

    solution: only one guitar player in the band!

    conflict: drummer and i thought that the g.p. should only play the chords during the verse (no "single notes" to lead to the chords)

    guitarist's opinion: the verse would then sound too similar to another song

    eventual solution: redid the entire verse!

    these resolutions are often the result of lots of bitter comments and opinions.

    compound that with the fact that the guitar player doesn't take the drummer's constructive criticism too well, and vice gets messy sometimes.

    but those two were just about the only people i buddied with during the summer...(which tells you more about me than i intended! :eek: )
  7. We all get along extremely well. I would consider them both my best friends. We not only play in a band together, we hang out on a daily basis. They know everything about me and I know everything about them. I think it helps the creativity in the band room. I can be myself and experiment without feeling uncomfortable.
  8. Ívar Þórólfsson

    Ívar Þórólfsson Mmmmmm... Supporting Member

    Apr 9, 2001
    Kopavogur, Iceland
    We get along very very well.

    You see, the guitarist is my brother and the drummer has been a good friend of ours for many years.

    Now if we could only find a singer we like :eek:
  9. StrudelBass


    Jul 6, 2002
    Heres my take:

    At times I get sick of my bandmates. The drummer always talking about equipment. The singer always cracking jokes and not getting down to business. You know, the little things that get on your nerves.

    I was however friends with the guitarist a while back before we started a band so hes always cool with me.

    I guess we get along A-Okay. The drummer really hates the singer. It can sometimes get out of hand. Whenever the singer tells the drummer to play something the drummer looks at me all wierd. What the hell am I suppose to do? Save the day?

    What they say is true though. You see the same people on a regular basis and you get sick of 'em.

    At least, the same GUYs. :D
  10. CS


    Dec 11, 1999
    I get on fine with all the members of all the bands and projects I am involved with. I dont see them all socially.
  11. ZuluFunk

    ZuluFunk Supporting Member

    Apr 14, 2001
    NO WAY!!!
    I think I am pretty hard to get along with.

    But the other guys are all "I love you brother." Hug Hug.

    But when it comes to helping each other out, I load up my rig all by myself while they head off to grab a drink or hang with their buds.

    I don't want a hug, I want someone to help me with these cabs!!!

    I'm also pretty blunt. If I think I smell crap, I'll tell everyone to look out for the crap, even if I'm wrong. It doesn't bother me if the neighborhood dogs get sensitive becuase of that.

    I'm also the only guys who has a real job, a real education, and a real family life. It's hard for them to understand sometimes.
  12. gweimer


    Apr 6, 2000
    Columbus, OH
    We all get along pretty well. Our singer can get out there, but we manage to rein him in a bit. I actually find it easier to be in a band that works well together personally. One of my most successful bands had some definite problems with each other, and no matter how good the music was, it finally took it's toll.
  13. Funkster


    Apr 6, 2000
    Wormtown, MA
    One of the bands I play in has been together for 15 years and we get along like brothers.
    The drummer and singer are both guy's I went to scool with and have been hangin out with for 25 years.
    My other bands get along excellent except my wifes band we have been through three guitar players in the last year and the one we got right now is a real tool. He's gone after the next few gigs.
    Why do guitar players have such an EGO they can't fit through any normal size door.
    Every guitar player we have had thinks it is all about the guitar and not the band as a whole, they just don't get it.
  14. lump


    Jan 17, 2000
    St. Neots, UK
    I guess it all gets down to what need being in a band is fulfills for you - social or artistic. To me, your situation sounds great - play music with minimal human interaction. For me, the PLAYING is where the fun is. Making chit-chat and just "hanging out" makes me want to immolate myself (and don't even THINK about hugging me). For some folks though, being in a band (or whatever) fulfills more social needs, which is cool too. We all have different motivations. But personally, if the band is happening musically, and there isn't any real animosity, I would look for "friendship" elsewhere.
  15. ZuluFunk

    ZuluFunk Supporting Member

    Apr 14, 2001
    I agree!!!

    I think part of the problem in my band has been that the others want to force the friendship. I can play with someone I wouldn't hang out with, as long as the relationship is congenial. Frankly, I'd rather play with musicians who put up with each other over musicians who want to pretend they are in a freakin' sorority.
  16. Gabu


    Jan 2, 2001
    Woodland Hills, CA
    Hmm... That's interesting. I do not doubt the talent of my fellow band members. I guess I was just accustomed to playing with friends because all of my previous bands / High school stuff, was comprised of my friends.

    How about in regard to communication itself. Do you guys feel like you need to talk with your band members often, just to know where the band is going? Or do you just show up, play, go home.... and not really think about the future?
  17. I get on with 2 or the 3 other band members really well, and one - hmmm!

    I get on with the singer really well - I've been in the same band with her for 4 years. We just get along real well. The guitarist I've known for 6 years (maybe 7 even). We get on real well too, he's not egotistical (qhich makes him worth hanging on to) and we have a lot of similar tastes.

    Our drummer has a tendancy to run hot and cold. She'll be very lappy, then fly off the handle at you and go in little huffs (and not all when the painters are in!) She's caused arguements with everyone in the band ,but she's still a good drummer, and sometimes is quote nice, so shes staying in the band.

    Overall - apart from a few ups and downs I think I'm in the ideal band!
  18. ZuluFunk

    ZuluFunk Supporting Member

    Apr 14, 2001
    That's a good one...if you have any aspirations or goals they really need to be communicated. Problems started with us because we had the same vision, but that changed when we brought on a new singer who convinced some of us to aim much higher than the local heros we planned to become.

    It was a great cause for tension - that tension limited our communication. Everyone knew where I stood, but it became harder and harder to get everyone together to provide input. I told them I'd be glad to get them as far as we had discussed - but if they actually landed an opportunity to move up or were willing to take a risk to get there, then they should feel free to replace me.

    I added that I wasn't willing to give up my career and family on a venture like the singer convinced them to shoot for. Especially based on the lack of work ethic and business experience they had demonstrated to that point.

    I think that made them disappointed. The new singer convinced them I was holding them back. To date, they haven't gone anywhere - and they don't show any signs of pushing the project beyond the scope we originally envisioned. But now it's a waste because the chemistry is horrible.
  19. The guitarist an I have known each other for close on 40 years...Jees, 40 years:eek:

    The drummer I tollerate.

    We can't seem to attract a singer.


  20. I've been in both situations-- where the band was like a sorority and where the relationship was limited to the music.

    In either situation communication is the biggest key. In the band I'm in right now, where I don't really like a couple of the band members personally, we stay in touch by e-mail. If we were more friendly I would suspect that we would either be talking more on the phone or in person. It doesn't really matter to me how the any communication gets done as long as it gets done and no one is left in the dark.

    If I had a choice, I would rather be in a band where the bonds were stronger because I think it makes for a more pleasant and creative environment but, in the end, the music is the most important thing for me and I can function in either situation. The negative to that is if the band breaks up, or someone quits, it becomes a more traumatic experience as it effects both your music and personal life.