Don't expect family to give a rat's @$$...

Not being an artist I can't speak to how it feels to have my hard work and sacrifice marginalized, but I can imagine it must suck big time.

But then I come from a musical family so I know what it's like to be put on the spot when I'm playing in some two bit s%!thole dive and look up to see my mom and dad sitting there supporting my desire to be the best middle of the road imitator in town.

Please don't get me wrong, I have major respect for anyone willing to put their music/art ahead of everything else, especially if they are more of a middle of the road type and not one of the 1/1000th of 1% with enough native talent for their art/music to come easy to them.

Anyone willing to put in the killing amount of work and dedication required to make a living from music/art, even those 1/1000 of 1% are a special breed indeed.

Unfortunately for every hard working professional musician and artist there are 10 who think dressing or acting odd makes them an artist, that hard work and dedication are for the rest of us fools who are just too slow to "get" their totally unique take on life.

I once told a very dear friend of mine that just because no one understands you does not make you an artist. She had no real talent beyond getting stinking drunk and railing against society, and churning out amateurish works that looked like she raided the 5th grade art class at the local elementary school.

 

You can generalize this pretty much to anything in life...

 

I hate when people generalize and assume that every situation is the same. My experience has been the exact opposite of the OP. When I was in my first band, my mother actually drove 1 1/2 hours in a snow storm to see me play. In fact, she once heard of a band that was looking for a bass player and called to tell me about it. I auditioned, got the gig and ended up touring and working with many well known artists. My brothers have also come to see me play on many occasions.

 

I can totally relate even if I dont have a band or perform. My parents never question why I play bass or why I like it. Better yet, they never come near me and watch me play.

 

Hi,

Trying to get my family to come to a gig is like pulling teeth. Sure, they'll go with me when I play the amusement parks or Las Vegas, but they go to see the destination, not me. Such is life. You gotta love'em anyway.


Thank you for your indulgence,

BassCliff

 

Meh. Some people just don't like loud music. Get the chip off your shoulder.

My dad worked at a paper mill his whole career. I never had any interest in going to the mill to have a look around. Not once did I ever meet him at the driveway and applaud or cheer for him. Not once did he ever piss and moan about my not coming to see him at work to pat him on the back or cheer for him. Does that mean he wasn't my hero for going up in that hot mess to give me a better life? Does that mean I didn't support his efforts? Nope.

My brother is an IT guy at a major university not even an hour drive from here. I have never been on the campus. I couldn't find his office with a Garmin. When he starts to talk about computers I glaze over and get all Homer Simpson on him (Mmmmmmmm Doughnuts) It bores me to tears. Does he get all nasty about my not hanging on his every word about computer junk? Nope. He knows I would walk through fire for him and that's all that matters.

I have probably played literally 4,000 shows so far in my career. I may have had family at 3 that I can think of. (And one of those was a wedding reception for my cousin's wedding, so they pretty much had to be there.)

I just can't understand why it is that musicians think their business is any different from anyone else's. Have you EVER been to your BROTHER's place of business to cheer him on? Have you EVER been to your sister's place of business to support her? If you are really going to be honest with yourself (you don't have to even tell us) have you EVER even shown a great deal of INTEREST in what they do?

Why the hell are you so special? Because you play music? Gimme a break.

Put your ENORMOUS ego and your wadded panties away and be a grownup. Just love your family and quit keeping score. If one of them were to get killed in a car crash tonight your last thoughts of them would be how much they suck for not supporting you. Grow up and get over it.

 

Did you ask them to the gig? I would have stopped my sister and said "How about tonight I'm playing stop by for a minute and after my set I'll join you guys" to be fair how active are you in things they do? I only say this because I use to feel the same way until my siblings called me out and I realized I didn't take equal interest in things they liked doing and it was all about me and my music.

 

While the tone of this strikes me as a little harsh, I can certainly relate to the sentiment. Even though I am a musician (using the term loosely), I'd rather do almost anything with my kids than attend one of their concerts. I want them to play tennis or play guitar or do whatever because it brings joy to them. I'd rather be fly on the wall in their algebra classes than go to a concert.

 

Family can really suck when it comes to music. Some families are very supportive; some not so much.

My mother and stepfather discouraged me as much as possible when it came to music. For example, at one point, I was forbidden to bring an electric guitar into the house. Yeah.

Then, when I was 15, I got a summer job washing dishes for minimum wage and saved up to buy a guitar. My mom said, "you're not spending your money on a guitar!"

Finally, I got fed up and went out and got a guitar and walked into the house and into my room with it.

My parents refused to pay for an education in music when it was time to go to college. So, I didn't go to college until years later, and I paid for it myself.

Soon after high school, I moved out on my own, and moved to the other side of the country.

After I moved out, I began to have a good relationship with my parents, but I still harbor resentment as far as how they not only refused to support my enthusiasm for music, but also threw obstacles in my way as well.

 

Funny family story. My first band was a punk/new wave band back in 1980. My brother was the drummer and i played bass. My parents came to hear us at our towns only punk bar, a real poopiehole but a lotta fun to play back then. I mentioned to our lead singer that my parents where in the bar so he said "This next song goes out to Sid!", my fathers name being Sid. Everyone in the bar erupts in a big cheer thinking he's talking about Sid Vicious. Pop thought they were all cheering for him, made his night.

 

LOL, that is a completely ridiculous comparison! Programming computers or doing IT work is not a spectator activity. Performing music is. Who would *ever* go watch someone crank code? I wouldn't want anyone to sit around and watch me work at my day job. I absolutely depend on people coming to see my bands play, or we don't get hired again. Some support from family and friends is nice.

That said my family has come out to see me play music twice in 30 years. They are much more interested in the computer work which they don't understand. Anyway I don't blame them at all, familiarity breeds contempt, or at least it breeds taking for granted and devaluing.

I've noticed this with random fans who are all psyched after watching us play a show. As long as they envision us riding from gig to gig, living just for the music, the romantacism of the road warrior, they're all into it. We're rock stars as far as they're concerned. If one of us spills the beans that we actually have "normal" jobs to make a living, and that tomorrow night I'll be doing my laundry for the work week, it really knocks the luster off the bloom, let me tell you! People are so funny.

I think the OP's list is really good and worth internalizing.