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Drummer personal issues leaking into the band

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by thebbconspiracy, Aug 19, 2012.

  1. My drummer has been through some stuff recently and it's effecting his playing and his personality. the drummer, we have been best friends (and a really tight rhythm section) for a long time, and now he has all the sudden become a... a-hole to everyone. He has went as far as calling my fiance a "stupid, ugly, "female dog". (I took care of that) Every time someone talks to him, he just explodes. He's been through some crazy stuff the past couple months, but stuff that he has caused with women... And now me and my guitarist feel he will snap and try to murder us for talking to him, as he already got mad at the guitarist for talking to him and "getting into his personal life" and a near fist fight with me over the fiance name calling.
    So what do we do? How do I talk to him? He's a great drummer, and we're a tight rhythm section, and I really dont want to lose him, but should we just kick him out?
  2. Give him an ultimatum. Tell him with the guitarist that you guys don't really appreciate his attitude lately and it's been bringing down the band. If he responds positively, cool. I suspect he'll get upset though, but at least then you'll have your answer. If he blows, tell him to go. I know he's a friend but if anyone said that kind of stuff about my wife he wouldn't be a friend for long. Life's too short for you guys to put up with his nonsense. My 2 cents.
  3. RoadRanger

    RoadRanger Supporting Member

    Feb 18, 2004
    NE CT
    Sounds to me that he's gone bat crazy on yah. That happens, yah know :( . If he's not willing to talk to yous guys about it might be time to "move on" :( . Yah just can't fix crazy - been there done that :( .
  4. Herrick


    Jul 21, 2010
    Munchkin Land
  5. Stumbo

    Stumbo Wherever you go, there you are. Commercial User

    Feb 11, 2008
    the Cali Intergalctic Mind Space
    Song Surgeon slow downer software- full 4 hour demo
    Since he doesn't want to "talk" about his problems and is full of anger, he can't control his impulses anymore. He strikes out at anyone, he his close friends.

    You might take that approach. Tell him: "I don't want to talk about your problems but I do need to know why are you striking out at people close to you?" Then: "It's affecting the band and we have to do something to change the situation".

    If he still won't calm down, then a band meeting is in order. If you decide to boot him out, I suggest you pack up his stuff and deliver it to his house. Leave it on the lawn if he won't take it in. Don't let him back into your rehearsal space for any reason.

    Be warned that he may strike back violently if you pull the rug out from under him (as he sees) as far as the band is concerned. Be ready to call the police if things escalate.

    Good luck.
  6. DiabolusInMusic

    DiabolusInMusic Functionless Art is Merely Tolerated Vandalism Supporting Member

    Kill him first!!

    All jokes aside, side him down and talk to him, if he is all whiny about a girl breaking his heart because of his own faults though you might have quite the uphill battle, some people do not break up well.

    I am sure many more people will say it, so let me be the first.... you sure he isn't on drugs or some hard drinkin bender?
  7. keyofnight


    Jun 3, 2011
    Seattle, WA
    So…if he's a close friend, there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to talk to him about it.

    If it were me, I'd probably tell him, "We're friends, so we've gotta talk about it…or else we're not really friends. Besides, you're making your personal life my business when you treat everyone like crap. If you want to hit me for telling the truth, go ahead." …you've got to be calm about it too.

    *cough* I guess I've been down this road before. YMMV.

    If being honest doesn't work, maybe an ultimatum could be in order. I don't know about kicking him out of the band…that might be too harsh for a close friend.

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