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Drunk Story

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by NJL, Oct 5, 2005.

  1. NJL


    Apr 12, 2002
    San Antonio
    Best Drunk Story of the Month

    A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the
    bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees 3 men
    sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers over to
    the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest biker in
    the face, and says, "I went by your grandma's house
    today, and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man,
    she is one fine looking woman!"

    The biker looks at him, but doesn't say a word. His
    buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and
    usually fights at the drop of a hat.

    The drunk leans on the table again and says, "I got it on
    with your grandma. She is good; the best I ever had!"

    The biker's buddies are starting to get real mad, but
    the biker still says nothing.

    The drunk leans on the table one more time. He says,
    "I'll tell you something else, Boy, your grandma liked it!"

    At this point, the biker stands up. He takes the drunk
    by the shoulders, looks him square in the eyes and says......

    "Go home, Grandpa, you're drunk."

  2. tplyons


    Apr 6, 2003
    Madison, NJ
  3. Er... Umm... No comment. ;)
  4. jive1

    jive1 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    Two guys were talking about coming home after a night of drinkin.

    The first guys says, "No matter what I do, or how late I come home my wife always wakes up to yell at me for partying too much. Ive done everything. I put grease on the hinges of the door and doorknob so it doesn't squeak. I take off my shoes outside so she won't hear my footsteps when I walk in. I even pee on my leg and let it roll down it into the toilet, just so she won't hear me. I don't flush until the next day. I walk around completely in the dark, and right before I get in bed she wakes up and gives me crap."

    The other guy says, "You are doing it all wrong. Here's what I do. I rattle the keys and door when I come in, and then slam the door shut. I turn on all the lights and make myself something to eat in the kitchen. I make sure I'm as noisy as possible. Then, I'll stomp up the stairs and stumble into the bedroom. I rip the covers off my wife, and slap her on the arse and yell "Who wants some lovin tonight?". To this day she hasn't woken up once."
  5. Coutts_is_god

    Coutts_is_god Guest

    Dec 29, 2003
    Windsor, Ont, Canada

  6. Whoa, that last part is (was) on the bathroom at my favorite bar!

    Oh, Red Door Lounge, how I miss you. The way Charlie fills the bottle you just finished w/ beer from the tap......the way Mike Crazy breaks the windows all the time.......ahhh.......my arch enemy Skelator......


    Damnit, I loved that bar. I could antagonize anyone there, and if a fight broke out, the other person would get kicked out and I would get another free beer.
  7. "On the chest of a barmaid at Yale, were tattooed the prices of ale, and on her behind, for the sake of the blind, was the same information in braille." ;)
  8. Petebass


    Dec 22, 2002
    QLD Australia
    This reminds me of something that really happened to me a few years ago. A few of us got together and rode our motorbikes to a historic pub in Windsor for lunch. When we got there, the was a comedian doing a show, and the local hells angels bikies were watching and heckling. The comedian wasn't going over too well. He was too scared to heckle them back.

    This was about the time "Indecent proposal" was on at the movies. The comedian in his panic turned the the daughter of one of the bigger, meaner looking bikies and asked "Would you sleep with me for a million dollars?". The whole room went quiet and the girls scary looking dad slowly rose from his chair. It was an intimidating sight and if it were me he was staring at, I would have been pretty scared. Once upright, he pointed at the comedian and said "A million bucks? You fool. Just buy her a beer!"
  9. Coutts_is_god

    Coutts_is_god Guest

    Dec 29, 2003
    Windsor, Ont, Canada
    AHhahahaha......His daughter is nothing but a joke to him.
  10. I may have posted this already, but here goes, true story. I go into a bar bathroom, minding my own business, and I hear someone going "help.... help me...." Going by the stalls, I see an arm sticking out from underneath the stall. I force the stall door open thinking he was beat up or something, and it turns out he was drunk, fell off the toilet, wedging himself between the toilet and the wall, he can't get up.

    My first impulse was to help him. I used to be a nice guy like that. Then I paused to consider what would happen if one of my friends were to wander into the bathroom while I'm struggling to pick this guy up with his pants around his ankles. Naaaaahhhh.... I decided it was the bouncer's job, and since my friends would never believe this story, I went and got them to show them before we went to get the bouncers.... :D :help: :bawl:

  11. NJL


    Apr 12, 2002
    San Antonio
    :D Sweet!
  12. Petebass


    Dec 22, 2002
    QLD Australia
    I've got a men's room story, albiet a bit cleaner than Randy's.

    I was sitting there minding my own business when the fella in the cubicle next door said "Hello!". I wasn't interested in engaging him in conversation, but I felt rude ignoring him, so I sheepishly said "Hello" back.

    He then said "How are you?'
    "I'm fine I guess. How about you?"

    He ignored my question and asked "What are you doing now?"

    What a strange question given where we were. I replied "I'm probably doing the same thing you are."

    Then he said "Darling can I call you back? The idiot in the next cubicle is answering all the questions I'm asking you, and it's getting on my nerves."
  13. guys guys, true story...

    i sleep walk when drunk. i peed in my drawer..... and....

    the end
  14. Johnny Fila

    Johnny Fila Formerly "The Crusader"

    Nov 21, 2004
    Elmont, NY (near NYC)
  15. No luck, back in the 80's, if only they had camera phones back then!

  16. That's odd, because two bars that my parents went to were the Brown Door( I think they went to that one) and the Red Lion...[/random]
  17. So this bear wanders into this bar in a city in Montana.
    He says "Hey bartender, git me a beer!"

    The bartender calmly replys "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."

    The bear says: "if you don't git me a beer right now I'm going to get very angry."

    The bartender says "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."

    The bear says "If you don't serve me a beer right now I'm going to go and... eat that lady at the end of the bar- I can do it- I'm a bear!"

    The bartender says "I'm sorry sir we don't serve beer to boastful belligerent bears in bars in Billings."

    The bear gets so mad he strides across the bar, grabs the lady, and eats her whole in one gulp. He then says: "now give me a beer!"

    The bartender says "I'm sorry sir we don't serve beer to boastful belligerent bears in bars in Billings, especially bears on drugs."

    The bear says "On DRUGS??!! I can't even get a stupid beer!"

    The bartender says "That was a barbituate."
  18. Coutts_is_god

    Coutts_is_god Guest

    Dec 29, 2003
    Windsor, Ont, Canada
    I don't get it?