drunks and trolls

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by Joe Nerve, Aug 30, 2003.

  1. Joe Nerve

    Joe Nerve Supporting Member

    Oct 7, 2000
    New York City
    Endorsing artist: Musicman basses, Hipshot products
    they seem to appear more at cover gigs than at original shows. last nights show had one of those huggy kissy "you guys are the greatest band ever" drunks. he was following us all over telling us all the famous people his brother knows, how he can help us, high 5ing us every 10 minutes, etc, etc.... i think you all know who i'm talking about.

    we kindly say, "i have to do something right now", or "sorry, gotta run and take a leak", but it gets soooooooo tiresome. i often wish they'd just disintegrate.

    how do you guys/gals all deal with em?
  2. Joe, It happens to our band all the time. Sounds like you handle it the same way we do. Thank them for being there and tell them to be sure to come back the next time and bring some friends.....etc.It's hard enough to get some kind of following as it is and ya hate to tick anyone off. Don't know how many times I've wanted to say, "So where's your band playing" to the guy that says he has ten basses and fifteen amps and you should play this song and that song,....etc.
    I just try to be nice and say "Cool,I have to go shake hands with an old friend" then head to the bathroom and take a leak:D
  3. jive1

    jive1 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    I would introduce the guy/gal to the drummer or guitar player:D . If you like your band members, a diplomatic approach would be to introduce the drunk to some other drunk and let them both yap and BS away.
  4. 20db pad

    20db pad

    Feb 11, 2003
    I been everywhere, man...
    None. At all.
    I just politely remove myself physically from the situation. Out of sight, out of mind really works with these kinda guys. This doesn't work as well for a three piece band because there's less band members for them to bug.

    I take the nice guy approach so nobody runs around saying "those guys are jerks". It's just part of the gig.

    What always amazed me in my personal experience is that this only happens to me either at the worst dive bars or the highest paying wedding gigs - no middle ground:)
  5. fastplant


    Sep 26, 2002
    Usually, I'm packing up when this happens, so I just nod every now and then and keep packing up, then when I'm done packing up I just say, "it was nice talking to you, but I have to go load the van now." Usually works. It's always funny how the drunks talk so highly of themselves when they have nothing to show for it. It kind of saddens me sometimes, though
  6. Edwcdc

    Edwcdc I call shotgun!

    Jul 21, 2003
    Columbia MD USA
    I like it when the drunk guy comes up and tells you how much your band f-ing rocks and how great a bass player your are. And then says it again another five or six times. What ever you do don't let him buy you a drink. He will think you are old friends now and won't leave you alone all night. I always use the "wow man look at the time, I still have to tune up before the next set. nice talking to you". Or act like you have to fix some busted equipment. I think if I was a drinker, these kind of people would be more easy to deal with. Oh well, these are our fans. Rock on!:D
  7. Joe Nerve

    Joe Nerve Supporting Member

    Oct 7, 2000
    New York City
    Endorsing artist: Musicman basses, Hipshot products
    same here. i'm also not a drinker, i'm always stone cold sober and these guys are annoying as hell. the guy who prompted me to write this thread grabbed my hand, pulled me into him, and gave me a big wet kiss on my ear as i was leaving. wasn't expected at all.

    he bought my drummer around 20 beers, drummer loves beer, loved that.

    one time time some guy kept throwing bills at us, came out to around $50 i think. THAT i can handle.
  8. Howard K

    Howard K

    Feb 14, 2002
    LOL, good one! :)

    You guys should think yourselves lucky!

    Over here, in the UK, even if someone loves the band/gig, like even if you really reach them and they would buy your album twice, type thing they'll STILL only clap a few times and walk off withuot saying a thing!
    UK has the most apathetic audiences for un-signed and non-chart bands in the world I swear.

    Far too often have I played blazing gigs to a room full of motionless drunken miserable bastards who quite franky dont deserve the bloody hard work the band has put in to entertain them :D

    OK, that makes me sound bitter, I'm not at all - I love gigging. I was exaggeratting for comedy value really.. but I'd much rather suffer what you guys are complaining about than the opposite.

    However, I do know what you mean - in Ireland I got collared by a very drunken and smelly bearded man who spat at me for about ten minutes until I found a good enough excuse :D
  9. Joe Nerve

    Joe Nerve Supporting Member

    Oct 7, 2000
    New York City
    Endorsing artist: Musicman basses, Hipshot products
    Come to NY. You may change your mind.

    The gig I was referring to was a cover gig. If you're unknown here in a club and playing your own music, i honestly think they're terrified to show that they like you. The nerve! is pretty tight (we've been doing it a while), we're funny, we're entertaining - we've stripped down to our undies to pull crowds in. they'll buy our stuff, we'll have every bit of their attention for an entire show, but they'll just stand there, silent, almost dumbfounded. it's frightening.
  10. buzzbass

    buzzbass Shoo Shoo Retarded Flu !

    Apr 23, 2003
    Yo Joe, I ususally look 'em straight in the face and say, "I'm going out in the parking lot to get baked/stoned (which I usually do), you want to come ?" I've been cover gigging since 1995 and have yet to have one guy take me up on the offer. I've have had a chick or two say yes, but luckily they were hot, so it wound up being a plus. Not sure it'll work for you, just relaying my experiences. Rock On !
  11. jondog


    Mar 14, 2002
    NYC metro area
    This is probably why I don't do original music anymore. I *know* people liked the show, because they stayed when there were other bands right up the block, but the lack of response *really* got me down. It's almost like they don't know how to or are afraid to dance/move to it if they haven't heard it 50 times on the radio. Now I play covers, and people dance all the time, and it makes me very happy. I'm even starting to appreciate the drunks who gush and say "you're the greatest" over and over. I used to brush them off and think, "you're just a drunk guy who would say that to the jukebox if I wasn't here," but now I try to remember how rare it is for anyone working to get any praise from a customer, even a drunk one, so I say "thanks" and try to talk for at least a few minutes. There does come a point where enough is enough though, and that's when I go to tune or piss. Two months ago a drunk gave us $120 for playing "requests" that we had plannned to play anyway!!! 3 weeks ago a sober guy bought me a beer and said he appreciated the bass playing, that was great! Most people only notice the singer.

    I guess I play music more for a connection w/ the audience than for artistic expression. Some people look down on cover bands as if they've sold out or something, but I think of myself as a performer and entertainer and I try hard to help people have a good time, not understand my artistic vision. I'm glad there are artists out there, I just guess I'm not one of them.


    Aug 13, 2003
    Sulphur LA
    That guy is cloned and placed in every city. Along with this guy:

    Nomex Man. He works at some kind of plant and has a Cowboy hat and always looks closely at all the gear onstage and shakes his head in disappoval. Then this person asks what kind of music that you play. He will also request a Skynrd tune from a Jazz Trio, R&B band, Polka Group or God knows what else. I'm sure you gentlemen have met him. He is indestructable and cannot die.
    When some one pesters me. I always say that, "I wanted to be a pipefitter or a underwater welder (those guys make Buck$!) but I could not get the "tool thing" down so I had to choose a career in the arts. I'm really bummed about it and this is just my job. I don't hassle you at yours. Do I?" Nomex man becomes confused and when he gives you the blank look you can get away.
  13. Josh Ryan

    Josh Ryan - that dog won't hunt, Monsignor. Staff Member Supporting Member

    Mar 24, 2001
    I hide the bodies under the stage....
  14. ZuluFunk

    ZuluFunk Supporting Member

    Apr 14, 2001
    Dang, JOE!@@!

    Check out Joe, hookin' up!!!
    Was he hot?
    You should send this letter in to penthouse forum.
  15. ZonPlyr


    Apr 29, 2003
    Pasadena, CA
    Then again, there are the drunk girls that decide they are the next incarnation of (insert whatever no-talent teeny-bopper is popular now here) that decide to get on-stage and dance or try and sing with the band. Very annoying but they usually get the message when they get a boot right square in the butt.
    I can deal with the happy drunk guys, they add some entertainment to some nights, I would rather hear a couple drunks hollering than to finish a tune to the sounds of crickets.
  16. secretdonkey


    Oct 9, 2002
    Austin, TX
    Nomex man usually has an old tuck-and-roll Kustom amp back at his house with a piece of plywood on top so that the beer cans will sit flat. How could anyone else's equipment *not* come up short in comparison, eh?

  17. fastplant


    Sep 26, 2002

    True, I had a guy once diss my Thumb 5 and when I asked him what he had, he told me he had an Ibanez that was 10 times better. Now true, there are some Ibanez's that are really great, but I doubt this guy could afford one of them if he couldn't afford a clean shirt.
  18. 20db pad

    20db pad

    Feb 11, 2003
    I been everywhere, man...
    None. At all.
    Man, leave my dad out of this, alright?

  19. it seems they spawn these people generation after generation. last gig, we had an old salty dog who went on and on about his musical memory lane and jimi hendrix collection. he insisted on buying us all several rounds. real hard to shake this guy.

    more appealing is the younger client who shows genuine interest and has to tell you to your face that you friggin RAWK, and feels compelled to shower you with budweiser spittle when so doing. he is tough to shake, but usually splits at the prospect of another beer or cute chick in the venue.

    then there's always the dude who tries to hit on me but doesn't get that my mate's in the band. inevitably this person is the touchy-feely type, and i hate nothing more than being touched after a gig. [sweat phobia of mine.] i usually say, 'hey, i gotta get some more names on our mailing list. 'scuse me!'

    for all these characters, strategy one is to give them an over-the-top high-five that knocks them a little asunder, so they need to recover and break for the bar. strategy two involves deep absorption in kit break-down, so as to avoid all interaction whatsoever.

    seeing as i'm generally friendly, i used to like to schmooze with these cats, coz any affirmation is better than no affirmation. but the need to chat is in relative proportion to the amount of alcohol they've consumed, and that usually leaves most trollers on the "do not approach" list.



    p.s. i thought nyc crowds would be tough, and they are; but i was really psyched when we got good response from arlene grocery folk. for an all-original band, it was a real ego boost.
  20. thrash_jazz


    Jan 11, 2002
    Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
    Artist: JAF Basses, Circle K Strings
    Really? I always figured big-city crowds would be more open-minded than, say, the boonies or hick-town crowds.

    Then again, the only exposure I have had to NYC is watching Seinfeld... so I don't know :D

    IME the aforementioned Nomex Men seem to be more plentiful the smaller the town. The funniest ones I ever met were in a small town near Windsor, Ontario after gigs... one guy went on and on about how cool we sounded because we did some Sabbath covers, and then he lost it when I told him I wasn't into Dio; and the dude who was trying to explain the merits of coke dealing and how I could make lots of money in it. :rolleyes: