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Elevators are hilarious places

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by nonsqtr, Aug 9, 2004.

  1. nonsqtr

    nonsqtr The emperor has no clothes!

    Aug 29, 2003
    Burbank CA USA
    First off, did you ever notice how people position themselves in elevators? Usually they try to maximize their personal space, and achieve some kind of optimal distance from the other people in the elevator. So, if two people are in an elevator, they'll usually be against opposite walls. When a third person enters, the other two will reposition themselves so each is approximately equidistant from the other.

    Then, there's the eye contact. That part is really funny. Sometimes one person will be deep in thought, and will ignore anyone who enters or leaves the elevator. Other times, someone will enter who knows someone who's already on the elevator, and they'll strike up a conversation, ignoring anyone else who might be there. But most of the time, you'll get two or more people who don't know each other. Then it becomes very much like the subway. One person will wait till the other's not looking, then check him/her out. Sometimes it goes back and forth like that. If by chance their eyes should meet, most of the time neither one of them knows what to do. They're never quite sure if they should strike up a conversation, or ignore each other. That particular moment exposes something very basic, and very funny, in human nature.

    And finally, there are the conversations that take place. Most of the time when people don't know each other, it's limtied to "hi" or "hello". But once in a while you'll get someone who's interested in talking, and then they'll usually pull a topic out of thin air. "Nice day", or "it's a scorcher out there today", or something like that. And occasionally, you'll get someone who needs to unload something. "I can't believe the director just shafted me on my performance report", or something like that. The funny part is listening to how people respond to that kind of thing. Most of the time they're polite, and just nod, or say something to acknowledge that they're listening. Once in a while you catch a good one though. Once I heard someone say, "And you're telling me because..." The other person just stood there dumbfounded, and raced out of the elevator the moment the door opened.

    Elevators are hilarious places. Please relate your most memorable (or most humorous) elevator experience.
  2. Eh? You mean the Lift? :) I'm kidding, I'm american. Someone seems to be noticing everything this week *referring to the bean counter post* I like the guy who doesn't stop the door for you, when you're 10 feet away.
  3. Sonorous


    Oct 1, 2003
    Denton, TX
    Whenever I'm in an elevator there is always someone else with bad hygiene. I don't like smelly people.
  4. David Wilson

    David Wilson Administrator Staff Member Administrator Supporting Member

    Oct 14, 2002
    Lower Westchester, NY
    Another thing that's funny is when you catch an elevator just when the door is closing and people look at you like "how dare you?". Like it's their personal elevator.

    Your comments on positioning are funny, and very true. Reminds me of the old 'urinal game' - http://www.flasharcade.com/game.cgi?urinal
  5. I ALWAYS take the corner in the elevator. Always. I'll run to it to make sure no one else gets it.
  6. Kavorka


    Mar 28, 2002
    Austin, Texas
    I hate elevators. I grew up with a brother that seemed to think he was legally required to fart every time he got on an elevator. What's worse is, he'd immediately point to me and say something like "oh man, how could you."

    Then, at work, I've been in the elevator where it stopped between floors, then FELL another floor before coming to a stop.

    Now, I take the steps!
  7. Marlat


    Sep 17, 2002
    London UK
    I work 53 floors up...steps are not an option!

    I work in a building that has a number of law firms and investment firms in it and the golden rule is you never discuss any client matter in the elevators. It always amuses me when you get into the elevator and there is someone chatting on about something client related or what their strategy is etc...aside from the fact that you could be in breach of your ethical duties, you look like a fool!

    I also dislike people who get in the elevator and face the wrong way...freaks! :D
  8. HeavyDuty

    HeavyDuty Supporting Curmudgeon Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Jun 26, 2000
    Suburban Chicago, IL
    That *is* the law, you know...
  9. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX

    It seems as though you've spent far more time than the average person observing people on elevators. Are you an elevator operator? Or perhaps a security guy that watches surveillance cameras all day? Or just freaky-stares-at-me-in-the-elevator guy?

    brad cook
  10. I hate standing alone in either an elevator full of guys (like 3 or more) or security guard (they can read my mind and i sift through all the illegal stuff I've done)
  11. dls59

    dls59 Supporting Member

    I work for an elevator company, so I ride quite a few. Here are 50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator :D

    #1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
    #2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
    #3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
    #4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
    #5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
    #6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
    #7. Shave.
    #8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
    #9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
    #10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
    #11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
    #12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
    #13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
    #14. One word: Flatulence!
    #15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
    #16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
    #17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
    #18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
    #19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
    #20. Meow occassionally.
    #21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
    #22. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
    #23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
    #24. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
    #25. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
    #26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
    #27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
    #28. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
    #29. Leave a box between the doors.
    #30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
    #31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
    #32. Start a sing-along.
    #33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
    #34. Play the harmonica.
    #35. Shadow box.
    #36. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
    #37. Lean against the button panel.
    #38. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
    #39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
    #40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
    #41. Bring a chair along.
    #42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
    #43. Blow spit bubbles.
    #44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
    #45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
    #46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
    #47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
    #48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
    #49. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
    #50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
  12. I don't use them, I scale walls :smug:
  13. Brat


    Jun 4, 2004
    NW Indiana.
    Dont ya hate it when the elevator is full and then 2 fat guys squeeze their way on and the elevator goes fown a few inches and you're going up 10 floors? *shivers*
  14. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX
    The worst one is when it's those two fat guys who were in the Guinness Book of World Records as the world's fattest twins and they ride those little mopeds onto the elevator.

    brad cook
  15. Thank you for making me laugh all the way through stats! :hyper:

  16. Jazzin'

    Jazzin' ...Bluesin' and Funkin'

    its fun to press every floor button when you get off, once i did that at a hotel and a random guy went on it. that was funny. :ninja:
  17. Toasted


    May 26, 2003
    Leeds, UK
    I love lifts.
  18. Bard2dbone


    Aug 4, 2002
    Arlington TX
    I liked these. And most of the time I'm on an elevator I have a stethoscope handy. How sad is it that the demonic voice one made me laugh hardest when I pictured it at the childrens hospital where I work?
    :rolleyes: :rollno: :scowl: :eyebrow:
  19. nonsqtr

    nonsqtr The emperor has no clothes!

    Aug 29, 2003
    Burbank CA USA
    How about the people that forget to push the button for their floor? That's a funny one. That moment when they first realize it, then the few seconds when they react to it. Then it usually goes one of two ways, either they get upset and pound on something, or they're embarrassed that anyone has actually observed their absentmindedness so they slink into the corner and never look up again.

    What else is there to do on elevators? For some people it's dead time, for others it's the E ticket. :)
  20. Gia


    Feb 28, 2001
    i can not retell my most interesting elevator story :smug: