Emotional and mental pain

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Jeremy_X, Feb 13, 2003.

  1. Jeremy_X


    Jan 29, 2002
    Tomorrow (Friday) will be the 8 year anniversary of my youngest brother's death. He died of cancer. He was 8 years old. I was in the room holding his feet saying my good-byes when he left this world. This is the first year since the second year that has gotten to me. I suppose because I spent the other years drowning this pain in chemicals. I am sick of dealing with this pain in this way.
    Can anyone here give me some tips on staying clean this year? I am not out for sympathy here, I need some help is all. I am getting counseling of a sort. There are no grief councilors in the area. My family is trying to support me. I want to stay clean and sober this year and every year after this. What I am looking for is something(s) I can do when the cravings get bad. Any help will be welcomed.

    Also if anyone would like to talk about either my experience with death or one you may have had I am open to it.
  2. JMX

    JMX Vorsprung durch Technik

    Sep 4, 2000
    Cologne, Germany
    I'm sorry to hear that.
    The only suggestion I have is to join a self-help group.
  3. P. Aaron

    P. Aaron Supporting Member

    You are the one who has to stay clean. You need friends. And you need to do things, activities, work, and playing gigs. Life does go on.

    Hopefully this isn't patronizing, but live your life for your little brother. Not in an obssesive way, but because you are alive, make something of it.

    Best Wishes.
  4. i lost my little brother almost 18 years ago. in a swimming accident. it was very hard to deal with for many years. i was very close to him.
    i dealt with his death by lighting a candle in his favorite color every year and letting it burn the whole time i was home. i did the same thing for my mom to when she died. i talked to them as i lit the candle and let myself imagine the smoke of the candle carrying my words to them.
    as far as staying sober and all. well, i am sure your brother would not want you to live your life in pain and strung out. he would want you to live your life with happiness. he would want you to remember him with happiness. try to remember the good times with him, the funny things, his smile, voice, laughter. remembering the good things will help.
    also find someone to talk to. they have grieving groups, and other places out there to talk to. find your happiness inside.
    its so hard to accept death no matter who it is. however, picture your brother as being peaceful. he no longer suffers from cancer. my mom died of cancer. no more pain. he is your special special guardian angel now. remember with love. you will get through it. and it does get better.
    take care of yourself.
  5. NJL


    Apr 12, 2002
    San Antonio
    sorry for your loss. :(

    one thing that REALLY helps me out when i'm down is exercise. go for a walk outside or run. do you have access to a gym?

    you may want to try to just go to a park with your bass and sit under a tree and play...

    i hope this helps..
  6. Chriss62


    Jul 24, 2000
    Austin, Texas
    A park with a bass sounds really good. I play bass when i have to get through something tough. I do my fair share of illegal-ables, but none of them compare to playing bass (not even close). It also helps when you have friends and family. You can get through anything with Friends and family at your side. Be strong. Best wishes.;)
  7. DanGouge


    May 25, 2000
    Try to recognize the precursors to your chemical behaviour. Are they people or places that are associated with your use of substances? Find a way to avoid them. Don't put yourself in the way of temptation. That's the best advice that I can think of... That and try to articulate your story to those you trust, these thinks are best faced with a supportive group of friends/family getting your back.

    MAJOR METAL HARVESTER OF SORROW Staff Member Supporting Member

  9. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member Administrator

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    my wife lost her mother when she was 24. she tells me that up until the 10 year mark it is very very hard, but after that it starts to let up a little.

    good luck, man.
  10. Jeremy_X


    Jan 29, 2002
    I am touched by the replies. Few people have ever tried to help beyond giving some sympathetic words.

  11. Something that others have hit on is time ,it is a good healer. As each year goes by, although the pian of your loss maybe doesn't go away, it becomes easier to deal with. I see that you have been 8 yeasr without your brother, you must have noticed that sometimes it's easier to deal with.

    Drowining your sorrows will most likely get you more depressed, and this is dangerous to you. Your brother wouldn't have wanted you to do this.

    There are many ways of dealing with it, others have mentioned some good ways. The only thing I'd maybe add is this - write a tune for him, about him, dedicated to celebrating who and what he was. Make it a happy and uplifting one. Then play it every year for him (or whenever you are thinking about him).

    My thoughts will be with you and your family today:)
  12. Brooks


    Apr 4, 2000
    Middle East
    I read your post very carefully, and what struck me the most is that you seem to be ready to help yourself, and that is the first step towards the recovery.

    Only suggestion I can think of is to hang on to that will, and let it flourish. There will be up and downs, but as long as you get up and keep going, you will make it.

    As for the grief, time does heal.

    Hang in there! :)
  13. Jeremy_X


    Jan 29, 2002
    Just in case anyone is interested, I made it through Valentine's Day clean and sober. I would like to thank all the people here who, without knowing me, offered the support they could. I wish I could do more for all of you then just saying thanks but its the best I can do. Again my thanks to all of you.