Ending a relationship.

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by khay0s, Feb 25, 2003.

  1. Hey all,

    I've been going out with this girl intensively for well over two years now and I'm feeling an ever-increasing need to move away from a relationship with her. We're both really young (17.5) but are both starting University together, taking the same subjects and the same course. Needless to say, our lives have intertwined dramatically over the past few years.

    I just wanted to know if anyone here has had experience ending a reasonably long relationship at all and what they did to lesson the pain on the other person. I love this girl deeply as a friend and I don't want to let the closeness go entirely so I was hoping for some advice on that and, also, on what people have done to help ease the pain for themselves. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for your time.


    ps - if it helps, my reasons for wishing to end it are simply due to the fact that there isn't a whole lot more we can do together, emotionally or physically, and I don't feel the need to settle down yet.
  2. CS


    Dec 11, 1999
    My first advice is not to post hings of this nature on a bass board.

    However as we are here. Tell her and it probably will be messy. Good luck.
  3. jcadmus


    Apr 2, 2000
    Be honest, be direct, be sensitive and be straight about it. In short, be a man, not a boy.

    Expect it to be messy. Expect that she will cry. And don't expect that she'll want to continue any kind of relationship with you after this. (She might, but I wouldn't count on it. It's that whole "you can't have it both ways" thing.)

    Afterward, don't play games with her, either.

    Good luck, Slick.
  4. So basically you are looking for some strange? Seems like a lame reason to break off a relationship. Down the road you will probably be kicking yourself in the ass if this is the only reason. But then again, I'm not Dr. Ruth, what the heck do I know :D
  5. Yes, but are you Dr. Phil?

    As for the breakup...I would tell you anything I knew, if knew anything about breaking up with a girl.
    But, as it stands, I've only been in one relationship before that lasted just under six months, and she broke up with me.
  6. Link


    Jul 6, 2002
    Latrobe, PA
    uh, repeat what all other's have posted---
    expect, but there is always the "might/maybe"... i don't know if talking to her about this'd harm or help this sit...
    if those are your "only reasons" to terminate the relationship--- i have to agree with Thulsa... my boyfriend pulled the "i just want to be friends"- with about as much "reason" as you have... and well... "ouch"- [this is where i say there "is always the might"... cause i did the exact op. of "the usual"...]
    in anycase i'ts going to hurt one of, if not both of you at some point... if you do break up- don't screw around... and don't blow her off... it'll do more harm than good...
    don't know if this was of any assistance or not, but- best of luck at any rate...
  7. If you don't think it will work out because of irreversible personal difference, then break it off. But be gentle and direct about it, and have a DAMN GOOD reason. There's no easy way around it, unfortunately.

    But, if you're breaking it off because you don't want to get serious, tell her that and maybe you'll be able to give each other space. If she means anything to you at all, I think you will regret finalizing a break-up with her. Life isn't like TV, just because you break up with a girl doesn't automatically mean that she'll come into your life again when you feel the need for companionship.
  8. Be honest. The single-handedly only way to achieve respect. She'll be upset, but that is the way relationships go. :(
  9. atldeadhead


    Jun 17, 2002
    Tell her "...it's not you...it's me" :)

    Seriously though, do what your heart says. For years I lamented a break up I had with the "perfect" girl. It wasn't until years later when I met my wife that I realized the perfect girl from years ago couldn't hold a candle to the woman I ended up marrying.

    Follow thy heart son.

    And you can pretty much forget about the "let's be friends" deal. Take it from an old fart. That stuff never, ever, ever, works. And if your thinking it will be different with you.....hahahahaha:p
  10. Amen to that! :cool:

    I wonder if women think this deeply before dumping a guy? :meh:

    NAAA! :p

  11. Prime Mover

    Prime Mover

    Feb 16, 2003
    TN, USA
    Break ups are always messy, and they are always hard...Let her know you need some time off, that it is gettig too serious. 17.5 is too young. You both have a lot to live for...Don't make any rash decisions, especially this young. It will hurt, the both of you, for you two were all you knew for the past two years. If, in your heart, you feel that this is the right thing to do, then do it. If you are quesioning it...then it may not be time. Again, I go back to maybe taking a month to three month sabaticale...SP?...Good luck.

    Sorry I couldn't help anymore...
  12. P. Aaron

    P. Aaron Supporting Member

    Staying broken up is harder.
  13. Thanks for everyones' advice so far. Just in response to those saying my reasons for wishing to break-up aren't exactly justified or whatever, well, in a sense you're right. It's just, well, I feel that my feelings for her aren't there anymore and no, there isn't a major rift between us or anything of the kind. However, continuing a relationship with someone when there aren't any genuine feelings of 'love' in that kind of way, IMHO, is leading them on. I also don't want to end up doing anything else to hurt her more deeply than I have to. Does that sound like a good enough reason to end it?

    Thanks again.

  14. Staying broken up is harder.

    For some reason, not for me.
  15. i always get stuck at the getting-together-in-the-first-place part.
  16. My advice to you FLOYD: Forget other people. Meet that "girl" that was attached to your arm since you were born.

    That way, you don't have to worry about constantly feeling inadequate.

    I have the highest self-esteem on this board and I am second-in-command freak. Fear me.
  17. *Thinks fear* *Wets himself*
  18. meet 'er? damn near killed 'er!

    i dunno where i was going with this. at all. meh.
  19. temp5897

    temp5897 Guest

    This is incredibly shallow dude...essentially what you are saying is "I've had my fun with her and I want to toss her to the side."

    I'd try to give you some advice but I don't see what the point is really...
  20. Aaron


    Jun 2, 2001
    Bellingham, WA
    "three words: I am gay"