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Facts about Mr. T

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by kovachian, Feb 3, 2006.

  1. kovachian


    Nov 5, 2005
    Mr. T. once pitied Chuck Norris so hard he was forced to open a rump-shaving barber shop and shave his own rump. This hair regrouped to form Vin Diesel, who helped Chuck try to kill Mr. T. Both Chuck and Vin died, and Mr. T pitied there bodies so hard, it caused the hingloma to split into many pieces, forming what is now called the galaxy. Neanderthals later wrote on a cave wall: BOOM, which was mistakenly translated into the "big bang".

    Gary Coleman met an early death when Mr. T ate him, mistaking him for a Ho-Ho.

    Mr. T always finds it hilarious when people come up to him and say I pity the fool. Except for one time when the drummer from Def Leopard said it.

    Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.

    Mr T. killed Latin because he thought it was just a bunch of jibba-jabba.

    Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.

    Popular myth has it that God created the universe in six days and rested on the seventh. In reality… It took God six days to create Mr. T. Mr. T took pity on God and had him rest while he finished. Mr. T then pitied the Universe into existence in less than a second, thus allowing him to enjoy the day off with God.

    When Mr. T was bored, he pitied the imaginary number i into the set of real numbers.

    The punishment for manslaughter in El Salvador is 35 years of Mr. T's pity without parole.

    Some believe that Mr. T. is unintelligent because he uses what we believe to be made up words like jibba jabba. However those words are the answers to the most complicated mathematical problems in the universe. Mr. T. has known this his entire life and does not tell anyone because ones brain would implode if you tried to comprehend the question. Mr. T. pities those who try.

    Mr. T does not flirt, he folds his arm and smiles. All women within 400 miles of him are immediately inseminated.

    You can douse Mr. T in gasoline, but it is too frightened of him to ignite. He pities the fuel.

    Mathematicians discovered the concept of infinity while observing Mr. T lift weights.

    The last time Mr. T and Chuck Norris teamed up, Atlantis sunk.

    Mr. T uses e before i as he pleases.

    When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.

    Mr. T refuses to vote in presidential elections until knife eating becomes a requirement for candidates.

    Mr. T has won every lottery he's entered...without ever buying a ticket.

    Mr. T can rip a Yellow pages in half with his bare testicles.

    Mr. T does not have dinner parties. The one and only dinner party he had he served mohawks of fury and double fists of pain.

    When Mr. T was 18-months old he ended World War II. He simply folded his arms, shook his head, and the entire Nazi Armies stopped at once. When Hitler tried to protest Mr T. killed him, took all the country's Gold, and fashioned it into chains for all to see. Sources say that Hitler was the first pitied fool.

    Mr. T is very superstitious. Because of this, he tears off the head of any black cat that crosses his path. In fact, he tears off the head of just about any animal that crosses his path. Mr. T can never be too careful.

    One night Mr. T took a 10 p.m. train home. He still refuses to give it back.
    Before Mr.T was born there were only 25 letters in the alphabet.

    When a germ or infection enters Mr. T's bloodstream, his white blood cells simply stare at it, and it leaves.

    Few people know that "The A-Team" was completely true. The only thing the producers invented was that the A-Team had been in Vietnam. If Mr. T had actually been fighting for the US in Vietnam, Saigon would be the capital of America's fifty-first state right now.

    Mr. T walked in front of a speeding train. He was charged with 117 counts of manslaughter.

    Mr. T destroyed the periodic table, saying Mr. T. only recognizes the element of surprise.

    After Jesus turned water into wine, Mr. T turned that wine into blood and disappeared in a cloud of smoke. When the smoke settled all that remained was a giant wooden "T" and Jesus knew he was in trouble.

    Mr. T once entered a Hot Dog eating contest. He ate a record 933 hot dogs, 46 72 oz. steaks, 4 pedestrians, a streetlamp, and a judge who called him "that guy from the A-Team".

    Mr. T is hung like a 8 year old. No, seriously... his penis is the size of a small boy.

    In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Mr. t could use to kill you, including the room itself.

    According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Mr. T walks.
  2. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Terrific Twister

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    Aside from the language, and scatology, not bad.

  3. Also, this was probably much funnier several years ago when Mr. T's star had just begun to fade, but I'm pretty slow.:)

    Edit: Hey! Mr. T=the qintar...?
  4. kovachian


    Nov 5, 2005
    Yea, Mr. T has more or less faded from the limelight in recent years. Maybe I should make a Vin Diesel thread? I know they're all kinda old but there's lot of people who've never read this stuff.
  5. Keeaumoku


    Dec 29, 2004
    Mr. T and Chuck Norris jokes? God, I'm definitely getting old... :rollno:
  6. I liked it. My fav was "He pities the fuel" :D
  7. Mike Money

    Mike Money Banned

    Mar 18, 2003
    Bakersfield California
    Avatar Speakers Endorsing Hooligan
    that was stupid.
  8. i love the t.....there should be a movie with my two favourite actors, mr.t and hulk hogan....just two hours of a conversation between the two....

    i strive for the day to have a bass with mr.t and hulk hogan painted on it:D
  9. d8g3jdh

    d8g3jdh Guest

    Aug 9, 2005
    If you had said Chuck Norris instead of Mr. T you would've been flamed out your arse. Skillfully done.

    Please, no more. they're all the same.
  11. Munjibunga

    Munjibunga Total Hyper-Elite Member Gold Supporting Member

    May 6, 2000
    San Diego (when not at Groom Lake)
    Independent Contractor to Bass San Diego
    Some of those are two-thirds funny.
  12. It's amazing how popular these have become. My friends and I talk abotu em all the time, even though they are losing their charm. Some of my favorites

    Chuck Norris can divide by 0.
    When God said let there be light, Chuck Norris said "say please"
    Chuck Norris and Mr T walked into a bar, the building exploded because no building could handle the awesomeness of them combined