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Family members that think you're a loser.

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Joe Nerve, Aug 12, 2004.

  1. Joe Nerve

    Joe Nerve Supporting Member

    Oct 7, 2000
    New York City
    Endorsing artist: Musicman basses
    We're all musicians, so my guess is many of us have dealt with this. I had a growing experience last night and just felt like sharing....

    An Uncle of mine passed away and I had to go to the wake. I knew there would be lots of relatives I haven't seen in years present, and I also knew what a lot of them have thought of me in the past. And sometimes justifiably. I did, in the past, drink a lot and lead the life of a derelict of sorts, but that's no longer the case. None the less, I wasn't looking forward to it. I'm still not leading any kind of a lifestyle that they approve of. I, in their eyes will "never change", "never grow up", and, "never get a real job". :hyper:

    My experience: 1st and most importantly I guess I should say that a lot of what I was thinking was more in my head than in reality. The people there were rather accepting of me and actully interested in my music career. They were telling me about their kids who they were excited just started playing drums :eek: , and i had a lot of nice conversations. As we were getting thrown out of the funeral parlor (seems odd to me that the leave the dead body all alone like that all night long), my least favorite, most judgemental, most vocal, aunt and uncle decided to join my brother's family and I at the diner. I don't think I've spoken to this guy my entire life due to my disdain for him and his opinions. We get to the diner and as fate would have it - he sits right next to me, my aunt right across from me. My mood ring turned instantly black and my young neice was sure to make note of it. I learned something big though, for me at least. It takes some people longer than others, but I finally, honestly, don't care what these or any other people think of me. Doh! Kinda like I've arrived. I'm OK with my life. Sure, there's things I'd still like to have and things I aspire towards, but I'm proud of who I've become - and that definitely has NOT always been the case. I was more concerned with my liking him, than him liking me.

    Even bettter news. With me being out of the equation , i actually started to like the guy. 14yrs ago he had an accident that led to getting his leg amputated. After 14 yrs. i spoke with him about the experience. He recently started traveling around giving talks on his expereinece in order to help others. He was pretty nice guy, with a sharp and cutting sense of humor. I had a super cool time finally getting to know him. He even invited me over to take me to the factory that makes his leg cuz he thought i'd find it interesting.

    The moral of my story: If yer like me and think the whole family hates you, don't shy away - stick yer assumed hated head in their faces and get to know them. Keep an open mind and perhaps you too shall be surpirsed.

    My godly work for the day is done. I shall now step down from the pulpit. :)
  2. Thats great Joe! :)

    Everyone in my faimly hates me.
  3. Sonorous


    Oct 1, 2003
    Denton, TX
    My dad's a musician. People who hate me have to hate him first, and that doesn't happen.

    However my family doesn't like my lazy, unmotivated attitude. I'm impossible to deal with.
  4. kserg


    Feb 20, 2004
    London, UK
    good post dude...

    sorry about your uncle...
  5. Bad Brains

    Bad Brains Banned

    Jan 7, 2004
    Detroit, michigan
    I have too many family members and i like very few of them. In have my dads side, my step moms side, then my real moms side and the guy she married side.

    Many of these people i havn't seen in years, the ones i have seen i just kind of say "hi" and "bye" too. I have nothing in common with them and i don't really want to talk to them. In fact i would rather they not like me so i don't have to interact with them.

    My sister is getting married in a couple months so i'm going to have to go thorugh hell. That is if i even go. I'm working on a way of getting out of going. Sounds means and selfish but honestly, what is the point of me going to a stupid wedding?
  6. Good stuff Joe, thanks.
  7. Stop being selfish. Go to your SISTER'S wedding. The point of going is sometimes in life you do things not because you want to, but because you should. Go and try to keep an open mind....you might even meet someone;) .
  8. And there will be food and cake.
  9. Bad Brains

    Bad Brains Banned

    Jan 7, 2004
    Detroit, michigan
    I know i should go, but with the way i am it will be very hard for me to go through with this. I often shy away from people and always feel extremly uncomfortable. This will be even worse if i have to dress up and wear a suit and tie. I don't even have money for all this stuff. I have nothing interesting to talk about with anyone, and i'm going to have to explain how college is going with about 75 different people.

    All this and i barley even talk to my sister but a few times a year anyways. There is really no reason for me to be there, i'm just gonna be miserable! And i probably won't meet anyone because i'm too ugly.
  10. Yes, I can understand all the reasons you don't want to go. It sounds like it will be really hard. I still think you should go.
  11. Woodchuck


    Apr 21, 2000
    Atlanta (Grant Park!)
    Gallien Krueger for the last 12 years!
    Hell, I've got a problem with family weasels thinking I'm rich!!!!!!
  12. Joe Nerve

    Joe Nerve Supporting Member

    Oct 7, 2000
    New York City
    Endorsing artist: Musicman basses
    Believe me, I TOTALLY understand yer not wanting to go. You might want to go though simply to overcome the challenge. If you run from, or walk around it, you're not going to be any better for it. If you go it could be good practice for future situations that you may not be able to back out of. If it were me I think I'd wind up feeling worse after the fact if I didn't go, than if I endured what might seem like mild torture. My above experience also showed me I can be waaay off base in my assumptions of what something is going to be like. I REALLY didn't want to go last night.

    I've also sat in corners at wedding and avoided everybody. You CAN do that too. There's always at least one person we can find to latch onto - even if it has to be a parent. You may want to look at it as a good deed also, for your sister and family. Focus on trying to make her happy and comfortable. Try to give to her the comfortability you're wishing you had.

    Also - being ugly (or thinking yer ugly) is not a permanent thing. I can't tell you how much I used to get picked on when I was younger. A little kid once ran out of an alleyway when i was walking down the block yelling at me, "UGULY, UGULY, UGULY, UGULY!!!!!!!" His father grabbed him, swatted him, and said to me aplogetically, "He's a little kid. I think you're a fine looking young man." which drilled home the ugly thing even more. I'm still traumatized, but my experience with the opposite sex once I was out of my teens has told me that the world does not any longer percieve me as "Uguly". Fer whatever that's worth.
  13. Coutts_is_god

    Coutts_is_god Guest

    Dec 29, 2003
    Windsor, Ont, Canada
    EVERYONE has family issues, and if someone says they don't. They are lying.

    Me, I have to many.
  14. kserg


    Feb 20, 2004
    London, UK
    You can always leave if it gets too much :meh:
  15. rickbass

    rickbass Supporting Member

    Only a few because I was in the corporate world doing fine for a number of years.

    And that's okay - what a person does for a living doesn't define the character of that person or what's in their soul.

    All I know is I got sick of seeing great people, many with Masters degrees, being "right-sized", (kicked out) by ineffectual slugs with Ph.D's who never had a "real job" in their lives and had no concept of the whole business outside their microscopic science of the business and got their advanced degrees, not because they were brilliant, but because they had a drone mentality that put a worker bee to shame.

    The prospect of being treated like this guy (below) so that shareholders could realize 2 cents more per share was just too scary when I could do something I loved even though the money wasn't there -

    " I was told that I could listen to the radio at a reasonable volume from nine to eleven, I told bill that if Sandra is going to listen to her headphones while she's filing then I should be able to listen to the radio while I'm collating so I don't see why I should have to turn down the radio because I enjoy listening at a reasonable volume from nine to eleven."

  16. Bass Tranquil

    Bass Tranquil

    Nov 16, 2003
    My family is filled with alchohol and drugs. They actually blame a lot of stuff on me. Still don't like me for not going to an all male school. They still don't approve of a lot of the things I do. And its even more tough because my own father threatens to put a bullet in my head whenever I see him. All just because I'm a tad more open minded than they are. I'm not just an outcast, I'm as good as dead if I hang around. First you change religions, then you make your own descions on your education, and everyone wants you dead. That's not even the most of it

    I try not to see them ever. It is hard since I'm still in High School. More often than not I stay over a friend's house to get away from it all. I yearn for freedom.
  17. All the hot chicks who I know are shaggin' ugly dudes (who still live w/ their parents etc.). I think they consider ugliness manly, as long as you aren't all insecure about it.
  18. Emerald_gasH


    Sep 17, 2000
    hmm..good advice, thanks for sharing your experience...

    i'm kinda worried about the same thing now...i'm gonna be going to Pakistan to visit my relatives this winter after seeing them only once when i was seven (i'm eighteen now)...

    i don't keep in touch with any of them and i have no idea what they think of me and vice versa...oh wait i know they have biiiiig expectations of me (but not as much as my bro) since we're the only ones in North America (basically "America" to them) and my dad is the only boy in his family and therefore has a lot of inheritance and power in the families...

    i have no idea who most of these people are, except for my first cousins who i liked but don't really know now...and i'm going to meet like hundreds of relatives i didn't know existed like last time...and people are generally very critical over there and it's even worse that i can't speak the language fluently..egch...oh yeah and i'm not perfect yay...i don't look close to perfect and i'm waaayy to "americanized" for their tastes...

    ah well i'll see how this goes...at least i'll get to see my maternal grandpa and my first cousins....

    oh yeah and ditto to Bad Brains, i say go to your sis's wedding...
  19. Thor

    Thor Moderator Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Nice post Joe.

    A nice ode to the muse of growing up.

    Pay attention, boys!

    [ some chix think nice 401k's are cute. ]
    [Some just like MEN ... ]
  20. RicPlaya


    Apr 22, 2003
    Whitmoretucky MI
    That's right! At least you listen to your heart ( i know it sounds cheezy) and do what you really want to do with your life on your terms...and that's cool!