Farting at work.

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Barfly, Jun 27, 2008.

  1. Barfly


    Dec 27, 2000
    GTA, Canada
    Sitting at my desk, I just do it. Love the ole "strolling" fart, too. Cruise by another department and let out a nice silencer.

    Had one co-worker a few years back, a really nice east Indian lady, who asked me one day in her accent "Do you smell gas? I smell gas, no?"

    Me: "Nope, I smell nothing. Weird"

  2. Lesfunk

    Lesfunk Bootlegger guitars : S.I.T. Strings Supporting Member

    Apr 5, 2007
    Florida USA
    It's an occupational hazard. I work as a quality control taster at a baked bean factory.
  3. Barfly


    Dec 27, 2000
    GTA, Canada
  4. jive1

    jive1 Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    I used to do this all the time at work, but now I work from home and the only people I can offend are myself and my pets.

    Once at the office, someone had a candy jar on their desk. One guy opened it up, and farted into it while the guy was at lunch. The next day we saw a bunch of candy in his garbage can.
  5. NJL


    Apr 12, 2002
    San Antonio
    tell them about your elevator presents...
  6. daofktr

    daofktr irritating, yet surly

    Feb 15, 2005
    aurora, IN
    I approve of farting in general, and at work, specifically, Not quite as fun as pulling a 'Dutch Oven' (or 'turtling', as some of you know it), but good times, nonetheless.

    BTW...the technical term for the strolling stinky at work is 'crop dusting'.

  7. I never deny myself the opportunity for a good trouser cough / bottom burp.

    "Manners" be damned, it's naturally occurring...
    in some societies, it's even a complement or sign of good health.

    Fart on brethren...
  8. Barfly


    Dec 27, 2000
    GTA, Canada
    Always nice to drop a rose in someone else's office, too, especially if they are soon to return. Assassin Fart, if you will.
  9. Phalex

    Phalex Semper Gumby Supporting Member

    Oct 3, 2006
    G.R. MI
    I get a kick out of dropping a bomb in one of the sales guys offices when they're on the phone with customers. I hang out for a second, to let it blossom, then walk out and shut the door. They can't get up and leave cause they're on the phone, and they can't say anything for the same reason.

    Another great delivery method is the LabCoat. You can rip one and take a five minute walk looking for a prospective target. Then you simply yank the snaps on the front free and wave the coat tails like you're trying to get off the ground. Very sneaky, but the stink tends to seep out the neck a bit until you find a likely target.
  10. Phantopeth


    Jan 10, 2006
    Brooklyn, NY
    I work reception... and just did.
  11. Barfly


    Dec 27, 2000
    GTA, Canada
    I remember being at an industry function a few years ago, out having a smoke. There was a group of older guys in front of us. The guy closest to us (about 6-8 feet away), with his back to us, goes up on his tip-toes,bends forward, lifts his suit jacket and just FRAPS!!! like 90!!!

  12. Croox


    Sep 16, 2007
    South Side Chicago
    I used to work at a local toy store and I'd always rip one when i was around a baby, since they always got blamed for it. some of the other workers who i became friends with, I'd just run up and fart on them. good times.
  13. eedre


    Feb 26, 2007
    St. Louis,MO
    lmao. :D
  14. I work in a shop full of guys and we just let 'em rip. One guy has a fan behind him that is pointed at him, and also in the direction of a guy's bench who is a little further down from him... so his farts get fast-tracked to the other guys bench. This guy happens to be in the middle of me and 2 other guys who let 'em rip, so it's always fun to see him raising hell trying to figure out which one of us ripped it. Hah!
  15. I used to work with a guy that could clear out our entire lunchroom. 15-20 people would run for the doors, leaving their lunch behind. It was unreal.

    I also work at home so and my dogs fart worse than I do :(
  16. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX
    I don't usually do that too much at work. Teaching elementary school I'd probably cause a scandal if I freely released all of the gas that I build up at work during the day. The problem with holding it is this - The Reverse Fart.

    I'm sure you've all experienced it...you have gas and you're holding your farts in all day. Then finally that built up gas has to go somewhere so it starts to travel back inward...through your stomach or intestines or something, and makes a loud noise in your stomach. Everyone who hears it knows what it is but all you can do is pat your stomach and go "Hmm, must be hungry," or some other lame excuse. This happens over and over until you can finally release the gas in the proper direction.

    One day I was having some serious reverse farts. I don't know what it was I ate. So when I finally made it to the teacher's restroom - right after I went in there this big crowd of teachers congregated outside the door just chatting. I was trying to be quiet...I was. I had a good thing going...was growing an extremely long tail but silently. Then all of a sudden..as I was feeling quite confident and started to relax I hit a major gas line and *BOOM* extremely loud shart that sprayed the inside of the can with a massive turdplosion. I decided to just wait it out in there so I didn't have to walk out in front of all of them after that eruption. When I walked out only one remained and she had a look of shock and awe on her face.

    I'm sorry..wow I got a little graphic there...flashbacks and all.


  17. Offend the pets? Maybe mine are weird, but they seem to think it's some sort of bonding ritual.

    They're all like, "Hey, [sniff] I didn't know you spoke animal? [sniff] Wow, fluently too!"

    [spits out the Lifesaver I just retrieved from my bosses desk candy jar...]
  18. disenchant

    disenchant You can't plagiarize yourself.

    Aug 9, 2006
    Elgin, IL
    A bunch of us got in the elevator at work and I did NOT fart, but someone did! We had the buttons pressed all the way to the 8th floor but when the elevator stopped at floor 3 EVERYONE pushed for the exit. We all shared a good laugh when we all realized that everyone had exited the elevator and we all had to wait for the next one to get to our proper floor.

    When I fart in my office, of course it smells like rose petals and bubblegum. :D
  19. jady


    Jul 21, 2006
    Modesto, CA
    I prefer a technique referred to as "Crop Dusting".

    I calmly walk into a co-workers office, fart and leave closing the door behind me. It's best when they are of the silent persuasion.