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Farting during a show

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by jive1, Apr 11, 2005.


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  1. bmc

    bmc

    Nov 15, 2003
    Switzerland
    A good buddy of mine is a B767 pilot (and a hot guitarist). In his younger days, he was a captain on a Twin Otter. A twin otter twin propeller 19 seat commuter plane.

    Anyhow, one day, their flight was running late so he told the copilot to board the passengers and start up one of the engines (copilot's side of the plane). My friend ran out to plane that was sitting there idling and he boarded through the captain's door. He left the door open as he felt a big fart coming on, so let the breeze catch it. So he let it rip and put to much enthusiam in it, filling up his pants at the same time. Now what to do. He quickly jumped out of the plane, and ran to the staff house where he was staying and quickly changed coveralls. Classy guy.
     
    timplog likes this.
  2. JimK

    JimK

    Dec 12, 1999
    Couple years ago, I go to a hockey game...on the previous night, there was a circus at the arena.
    So, I plop in my seat, a little harder than usual...& man, did I unearth someone's noxious fumes(I say "fumes" because of the particles) from, I assume, the night before.
    Then again, maybe it was the "dead" arising from 30+ years of those that sat in that seat(which happened to be my season-ticket seat for about 10 years).

    Oh yeah, related to that is-
    I am elex tech assigned to Base Security/Military Police, etc.
    At shift change, when the vehicles are turned over, a couple females were upset that so & so's vehicle always smelled like "rotten eggs".
     
  3. andruca

    andruca

    Mar 31, 2004
    Madrid (Spain)
    My little brother is the triple world record holder. When kids we used to sleep in the same bedroom (in our house's basement) and it was so big half of it was used as a rehearsal room for my band. Once we were taking a nap we woke up at the terrible smell of a fart he let go. We ran for our lives to the livingroom leaving every window open. Half an hour later my band showed up for practice, we got back and IT WAS STILL THERE! (record #1, most persistent fart ever). By the way, my wife sometimes claims she wakes up when fart parts/cu. ft. exceed a certain limit (I fart when sleeping too, a family question).

    Another time, also at rehearsal, my brother was just hanging with us and suddenly he decided to leave. While he was walking up the stairs he let go this really long hi-frequency fart (I was affraid our dog was going to come immediately, as it was almost ultra-frequency) (records #2 and #3, longest and highest fart ever).

    ANDRUCA
     
  4. andruca

    andruca

    Mar 31, 2004
    Madrid (Spain)
    By the way (don't do this at home, kids!), have you ever smelled your drummer's seat? I did it (not on purpose, it was an accident) and... OH MY GOD!!!! :bawl: :bawl: :bawl: :bawl: :bawl: :bawl:

    I though it could be just this particular drummer's a$$ (that emanated some misterious stinky fluid) but later (this time on purpose) confirmed (several times -I'm a masochist-) it's a common disease amongst drummers.

    ANDRUCA
     
  5. Desi

    Desi

    Jan 11, 2005
    You like sniffing drummer's chair? *snicker* ;)
     
  6. Rodent

    Rodent A Killer Pickup Line™ Commercial User

    Dec 20, 2004
    Upper Left Corner (Seattle)
    Player-Builder-Founder: Honey Badger Pickups & Regenerate Guitar Works
    Exactly - taste is 90% smell after all!! How those farts a tasting boyz? :eek:

    R
     
  7. andruca

    andruca

    Mar 31, 2004
    Madrid (Spain)
    I don't actually LIKE it, but I'm sure sniffing one a couple of times can surely get you high (or even very low)!

    ANDRUCA
     
  8. srxplayer

    srxplayer

    May 19, 2004
    Highland, CA
    What :confused: :eek:
     
  9. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!! I'm laughing so hard i'm crying!!!!!! We need to hear some female stories! Being one, believe me we have some too
     
  10. bmc

    bmc

    Nov 15, 2003
    Switzerland
    This is avery inspiring thread. I feel closer to you guys already.

    Sharing my experiences with you, for future consideration, I was in Lisbon on business in October and found myself eating seafood for lunch and dinner. It was just awesome. However, it contributed greatly to most noxious odors I have produced in recent memory. I know we believe beans, beer, etc do the job, but I think a good charge of ruffage for breakfast (Bran for instance, or better yet raw oatmeal with milk and sugar) coupled with a trip to a seafood buffet over lunch and some beer should have you singing by gig/rehearsal time. I think this is the answer.

    If anyone heeds this advice, let me know how it pans out. You can thank me later.
     
  11. Suckbird

    Suckbird Inactive

    May 4, 2004
    Sweden
    I used to fart when i go to the cinema..
     
  12. jive1

    jive1 Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Alexandria,VA
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    IMO, the ultimate ammo for loading up the gun are White Castle Hamburgers. We used to chow down on these after gigs in Chicago. The day after....Lord have mercy. Thick, noxious clouds of death that would rot the senses.

    Second is a St. Patrick's day feast of Corn Beef, Cabbage, and Beer. No wonder the snakes were driven out of Ireland.
     
  13. Diggler

    Diggler

    Mar 3, 2005
    Western PA
    +1 for White Castle. My wife won't let me eat there.

    I ate a sack full while visiting my brother in MI... I let one go after we went to bed... our door was open, his daughter was in the next room. It wafted under their door and he thought it was bad enough to go rescue his daughter. When he opened the door it hit him like a ton of bricks.

    Another time I ate several of them, then had my wife sleeping on the couch because she couldn't stand the stench. I woke up, went to work and came back and the smell was STILL in the room.

    I can wake her up out of a dead sleep with my odors.
     
  14. Sundogue

    Sundogue

    Apr 26, 2001
    Wausau, WI
    I recall trips to gigs while on the road in our band bus, where our lead guitarist used to get one of our roadies all the time.

    The worst was when we had played something like five nights in a row and had to travel to each one every day. We were really worn out and eating the worst food.

    Our roadie was asleep on one of the beds in the bus, and he was lying there with his mouth wide open, snoring away.

    Our guitarist went up to him, turned around, dropped his pants, spread his cheeks and squatted right over the roadie's open mouth and let loose the loudest, most vile fart imaginable!!!

    Needless to say, it woke the roadie up. I thought he was going to kill our guitar player by throwing him out the side door!!!

    As disgusting as that is...all of us were laughing for the rest of the day. I'm laughing right now thinking back on that...and that had to happen about twenty years ago.
     
  15. chris4001asat

    chris4001asat

    Dec 16, 2002
    Toledo, Ohio
    Warehouse Manager : Reverend Guitars
    My dad could peel the paint off the walls. He used to torture his band members all the time. The singer got the last laugh once. My dad let one rip. The singer walked to the side of the stage, grabbed a can of Lysol that he brought with him, and proceded to clean the air all around my dad.
     
  16. Bassic83

    Bassic83

    Jul 26, 2004
    Texas, USSA
    I was over at one of my drummers' house in SoCal, and we had rented "Aliens". Now, I had a gut full of burritos'n'beer, which tend to have a synergistic effect on one another...anyhow, I was on the couch next to my little brother, one drummer was in the Lazy Boy, the other on the floor. This is in a converted garage apartment (really low ceilings. The scene where the robot guy crawls down the tube to aim the satellite dish and retrieve the lander so they can get away comes on. I start as Lance Henriksen is just climbing into the tube...good sonority, a healthy amount of backpressure exists, they all look at me. I've lifted off the cushion quite a bit...tone that even Sadowskys can't get...Lance is crawling down to the antenna, and it's still building. The volume goes up a notch, same fart, and it shows no sign of running out of steam. Lance gets to the antenna, and starts to fix it. I'm still going strong. The drummers are staring at me with eyes open wide, mouths agape. I change the pitch of the note up a major sixth. My brother has taken refuge behind the chair by now. My casual-band drummer cries out "Oh my God! Make him stop! MAKE HIM STOP!!!" as my original band drummer is laughing his head off. My brother has gotten to the door and deadbolted it as my drummers look on in horror...good boy, I think to myself, I've trained you well! They get up and run for him just as I squeak out the last of this one (at least a minute, by our collective reckoning) and the rescue ship is on the way to the pad. "Stop, or I'll shoot!" I yell...they freeze, then turn to face me. "Dude, there is NO WAY you can have any more in you! You're bluffing!" I smile and say "My question for you is this- do you feel lucky? Go ahead, punks, make my day!" and hit them with one sharp, quick blast from my cannon of doom...

    My brother took quite a few hits from them as he fought to protect the door, but finally gave up and let us all out...to this day, that incident is known as "the Aliens fart", and is legendary amongst the people that were there.
     
    Squid-TEGH likes this.
  17. bmc

    bmc

    Nov 15, 2003
    Switzerland
    Oh...I'm sitting here crying with laughter.

    About ten years ago, I was in Vancouver for a party. The morning after, I was sitting on the couch with my nephew. We had severe skull cramps and our stomach were singing from all the beer, burritos, nachos, beer, etc. I could feel a really big one developing and I was going to launch it into the couch quietly, when my nephew let one rip. The timing couldn't have been more perfect. I stood up, look at him and said "Savage" and walked in between the couch and the coffee table passing in front of him. When I was right in front of him, I leaned forward and just unloaded on him. It was just great timing.

    Nothing beats Sundogues fart in the mouth. I'm back to crying with laughter over it.
     
  18. cheezewiz

    cheezewiz

    Mar 27, 2002
    Ohio
    I farted repeatedly at Tim Cole's gig last night. A chick sitting at the table also confessed she had to crap. It was the night of the living bungholes.
     
  19. Bassic83

    Bassic83

    Jul 26, 2004
    Texas, USSA
    I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO!!! I NEED TP FOR MY BUNGHOLE!!!
     
  20. jive1

    jive1 Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Alexandria,VA
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    My wife read this thread the other day, and I regret that she did. I was playing drums yesterday and while I was bangin away to Judas Priest, my wife cut one. She never would have done that if she hadn't gotten ideas from this thread. :rollno:

    I still kept the groove though. I guess it prepared me if I ever had a gig playing drums with any of you guys.
     
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    Primary TB Assistant

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