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Farting during a show

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by jive1, Apr 11, 2005.

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  1. Edwcdc

    Edwcdc I call shotgun!

    Jul 21, 2003
    Columbia MD USA
    I can't get over this thread. I thought the folks at TB were a better class of people.

    Now I know I fit in. :D

    My son is one of the lucky people blessed with the ability to fart on demand. When ever we go camping the rule is that you have to ask permission before letting one loose in the tent. My son says "permission to fart sir?" Like a fool I say let it rip. That boy can blow the seams out of a 10x10 Coleman with little or no effort(effart). At that point my only defense is to go to the shirt filter.
  2. Planet Boulder

    Planet Boulder Hey, this is a private residence...man

    Nov 10, 2001
    6,482 feet above sea level
    I once had impure thoughts. Oh, and I pluck my ear hair.
    A buddy of mine knows no shame.

    One time, on an elevator in some tall casino in Vegas, he became so perturbed that so many people had squeezed onto the elevator, thus crowding his space, that he let loose a BLAST! Loud and STANKY! No attempt to cover it up - nothing.

    As the elevator continued to ascend, the occupants were repulsed, his wife was dismayed and he was in a state of sheer bliss.

    When they got off the elevator, his wife let him have it, but he said it was well worth it.
  3. Sergio


    Apr 7, 2004
    Lafitte, LA
    It never fails, almost every time my band practices, I'll walk over to one of my guitarists, place my bum gently on his lap, and ley one rip. Good times.

    I remember one particulaer incident where we were all riding in the fron seat of a truck, and I was in the middle. I unbuckled my seat belt, sat on my guitarists lap, and let one out. I swear, it must have lasted for like ten seconds. Then, I just quietly sat back down, and fastened my seatbelt. Stunned, the rest of my band didn't say a word, and neither did I.

    Also, the very same guitarist and I tend to atack people with Ninja-Bombs quite frequently, though I usually supply the farts, and he usually attacks. Yes, we're wierd.

    As you can see, me and my bandmates are quite fond of our flatulance. ;)
  4. bmc


    Nov 15, 2003
    Any of you guy ever fart on your wife in bed while spooning? I did once. We were "au natural" and asleep and I let one fly and the combination of the added flesh enhanced the harmonic resonance. And she never woke up. I felt so guilty.
  5. jobu3

    jobu3 ¿Huevos?! Supporting Member

    Feb 17, 2002
    Mountain Top, PA
    It killed her?! :eek:
    carl h. likes this.
  6. Planet Boulder

    Planet Boulder Hey, this is a private residence...man

    Nov 10, 2001
    6,482 feet above sea level
    I once had impure thoughts. Oh, and I pluck my ear hair.
    Two words, my friend:

    Dutch Oven
  7. Stinsok

    Stinsok Supporting Member

    Dec 16, 2002
    Central Alabama
    A friend reported a Dutch Oven experience the other day. He said he let loose with a post mexican dinner SBD, pulled the covers up from his wife's head/neck to draw it out. He told me that she (from a very deep sleep) began to moan, and twitch, then eventually she sat bolt upright from the noxious fumes.
  8. Tim Cole

    Tim Cole

    Jun 12, 2002
    Findlay, Ohio
    I am Tim Cole, and I approve of this message.

    Man, I wish I could do it on command, I would have loved to been able to roast the rednecks in front of me in line while shopping today. Arguing price on everything, 3 million coupons, and of course a check sale. They emptied their cart of their goods and dirty mulleted toddlers, and left it sit in line right in the way when they left where I couldn't go through the line unless I moved it for them.

    Crowded grocery store lines would be prime territory for such tricks.
  9. Planet Boulder

    Planet Boulder Hey, this is a private residence...man

    Nov 10, 2001
    6,482 feet above sea level
    I once had impure thoughts. Oh, and I pluck my ear hair.
    Ironically enough, the very same guy once cleared out the women's department in a local department store via the same method of repulsion. Apparently, his wife had dragged him in there to buy a dress or whatever and, upon seeing the line and the short-tempered sales clerk at the register, he felt it imperative to take matters into his own hands.

    The joint cleared out, his wife was once again dismayed and he was once again in a state of bliss. But hey - he did his wife a favor by "relieving" her of the line.
  10. Arthur U. Poon

    Arthur U. Poon

    Jan 30, 2004
    SLC, Utah -USA-
    Endorsing Artist: Mike Lull Custom Basses
    I call this: "Settin' a Bear Trap". :p

    I've set many a bear trap in a mall, grocery store, etc. but I guess I'm a bit afraid to snare my bandmates while onstage. I'd hate to have it announced to our crowd, and the guys I play with would do just that. I try to refrain while onstage.

    Yeah, I'm a wuss. :D
  11. Arthur U. Poon

    Arthur U. Poon

    Jan 30, 2004
    SLC, Utah -USA-
    Endorsing Artist: Mike Lull Custom Basses
    While I lived in the Bay Area I used to frequent a Mexican fast food restaurant named "El Faros" (or El Fartos).

    My oldest brother is quite possibly the foulest person I've ever met. He could be on a white bread & water diet and still be deadly. He really enjoys making his little brother (and everyone else) miserable.

    Whenever I'd drive out to visit him I'd "load up" with a can of B&M Baked Beans, which I'd pull over to eat at the California border. Upon my arrival in Concord, I'd stop at El Farto's for a #8 Bean & Cheese- keep it simple, on the way to his house. I wanted to be armed for combat.

    While waiting to ride home from an Oakland A's game, I was standing on the BART train platform, I decided to be sly. We were packed in shoulder-to-shoulder, and besides my day stop at El Fartos, I'd had more than a few beers at the game. I squeezed out one and I heard a hispanic man say: "Eewwww- somebody cuuut one!!!" like he actually appreciated it!

    I was practically crying, trying not to bust out laughing, I turned around and my brother's eyes were welled up with tears. I thought I'd got him and everyone else- proud moment.

    Once we got on the train, my brother says under his breath: "Did you smell that fart I let out on the platform!?" "That one guy sounded like he liked it!" I said: "B.S., that was my fart he smelled, I let it about 10 seconds before he started talking about it".

    It worked out we'd both let one go at the same time! :eek:

    Brothers. :help:
    - (f)Art
  12. Planet Boulder

    Planet Boulder Hey, this is a private residence...man

    Nov 10, 2001
    6,482 feet above sea level
    I once had impure thoughts. Oh, and I pluck my ear hair.
    I've witnessed the type. They smile, nod in agreement and look around for like-minded "fans" while citing the incident.
  13. bill_banwell


    Oct 19, 2002
    Haha, i think ive farted on stage before, must of done it once.. the good thing is you or no one can hear it..
  14. bmc


    Nov 15, 2003
    If no one can hear, frankly, what's the point. :rollno:
  15. That way they won't be suspecting it, then BAM, hit's like a brick wall.
  16. Folmeister

    Folmeister Knowledge is Good - Emile Faber Supporting Member

    May 7, 2003
    Tomball, Texas

    I know El Faro. I pity your digestive tract.
  17. jive1

    jive1 Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    I know that type too. I ripped a paint peeler once, and tried to pin the blame on a guy known for his emission of foul stench. He looked at me and said, "I didn't do that one, but I wish I did."
  18. what about fart explosions?

    I used to play with a drummer that didn't smoke, but always carried a lighter with him, I wondered why ...that's until the dreaded moment, he shouted "everybody freeze!!!" and sat down, lifted his feet up high in the air and reached over to his ass with the lighter, click, snap, POW! I have never seen anything like that. I can say that I spent the next few weeks with stomach ache due to laghing so hard.
  19. Long time lurker here. Just read this thread. I think I hurt myself laughing. I was once in my taekwondo class, and the entire class (about 30 people) were doing kicking drills. In between one of the drills though, about 2 rows back, I heard the classic "pfffrrtt". Apparently, I was the only adult there that thought farts were funny (along with about 5 kids). I couldn't help it, I just burst out laughing. The instructor just glared at me, which just made it that much damn funnier. I especially love it when someone rips one, then tries to mimic the sound by scraping their shoe or something, like they're tricking you into thinking it wasn't actually a crap-infested air biscuit. This is by far the funniest thread I've ever read. Ever.
    timplog likes this.

  20. Ok, that comment made me pretty much fall off my chair!
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