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Farting during a show

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by jive1, Apr 11, 2005.


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  1. bmc

    bmc

    Nov 15, 2003
    Switzerland
    You've got to be really careful with blue angels. You can burn yourself. There was a flight attendant I knew that worked for an airline I was with years ago. All of his buddies knew him as Torchy after an unfortunate incident at a stag involving a lighter, no clothing, and bad gas. He singed all the hair in his crotch and was off work for a while.

    Explain that one to your boss.
     
    timplog likes this.
  2. I like to finish my scales by farting(C-D-E-F-G-A-fart-fart :) :) )

    Once,when i was at school we were doing some boring physics(sp?) test and everything was quite...In the midle of the test my friend farted so loud that there were no ways to conceal it :) :) Eveyone started to laugh including my teacher who couldn't actually stop laughing :) :) :) :) :)
     
  3. andruca

    andruca

    Mar 31, 2004
    Madrid (Spain)
    I've got a friend who's typical reaction when he farts is to ask "who was it, you dirty pigs?!?!?!" just to avoid "prosecution". He's got this so unconsciously marked in his mind that he even does this when there's only one other person in the room. He did it to me once and as I started laughing he had this "nowhere to hide" expression in his face!

    ANDRUCA
     
    bass nitro likes this.
  4. Mo'Phat

    Mo'Phat Supporting Member

    Oct 1, 2003
    San Diego, CA, USA
    This might just be a Southern Cali thing, but back in the day, there was a 'punishment' for farting amongst friends. It was called Doorknob. If you fart, you had to yell 'Vince' before some other guy yelled Doorknob. If you did, you were safe.

    If not...

    You ran, hopefully thrust-propelled, until you could touch a doorknob, all the while the offended party beats the hole-y hell out of you. Good times.

    This was all well and good in most normal occasions (classrooms, restraurants, homes) and generally only lasted a few tense, frenetic seconds.

    I discovered that there is no statute of limitations or age-limit on Doorknob, as nearly ten years later the game was resurrected...on a camping trip...in the desert...

    Nearest doorknob was nearly a mile away attached to another camper's RV. I scared the bejeezus out of them when I came romping through their camp followed by 3 drunken buddies raining fists of fury.
     
  5. Eggman

    Eggman Supporting Member

    Dec 3, 2004
    Denver, Colorado
    I was wondering why my 11 year old son was yelling doorknob! Now I get it.
     
  6. We play doorknob sometimes, but vince, ***?

    We use something logical, safety.
     
  7. bill_banwell

    bill_banwell

    Oct 19, 2002
    England
    It keeps them guessing who done it? haha.
     
  8. Mo'Phat

    Mo'Phat Supporting Member

    Oct 1, 2003
    San Diego, CA, USA
    I didn't make it up...it's been that way for generations.


    tttrrrhhgoopppttt...oops...Vince.

    Gotta go.
     
  9. Petebass

    Petebass

    Dec 22, 2002
    QLD Australia
    Our version of doorknob was much less complicated. "Safe or Sixes!" The person farting had to say "safe" before someone else said "Sixes". If he didn't, he had to take six punches.
     
  10. Oh yeah, before you can start smacking someone up, you have to say doorknob, then it's open season. Forgot about that rule :meh:
     
  11. lildrgn

    lildrgn

    Jul 11, 2000
    Seattle, WA
    I agree with "Safety". That's how it was for me and my bros.

    If you heard them say "Safety", you knew it was on. However, if you called "Slugs" when you smelt it and before they cried "Safety", let the fists fly until a doorknob was reached.
     
  12. JimK

    JimK

    Dec 12, 1999
    6 pages of testimony & not one story of someone shart-ing?
     
  13. andruca

    andruca

    Mar 31, 2004
    Madrid (Spain)
    Explain yourself... :confused:

    ANDRUCA
     
  14. Bassic83

    Bassic83

    Jul 26, 2004
    Texas, USSA
    I think he means "chunky" farts... :help:
     
  15. andruca

    andruca

    Mar 31, 2004
    Madrid (Spain)
    I'm not a natural english speaking guy so please, be more specific. Are you referring to those farts that come off with an added (often liquid) "surprise"? :eek:

    ANDRUCA
     
  16. When I went to see Guttermouth the singer had to cut one so he told the crowd "I gotta fart....I'm gonna do it in the mic". Yeah, the soundguy wasn't expecting that.
     
  17. Bassic83

    Bassic83

    Jul 26, 2004
    Texas, USSA
    I think that would be them, yes...as far as surprises go, I wonder which there are more of- liquid, or solid?

    BTW, your English is more than passable!
     
  18. Mo'Phat

    Mo'Phat Supporting Member

    Oct 1, 2003
    San Diego, CA, USA
    Yeah, andruca, you talka the english good. ;)

    UPDATE:
    I farted in rehearsal yesterday and called out Vince...and both of my guitar players' eyes got real big. They knew all about Doorknob. It's now a rule of life. Problem is our rehearsal room has a pocket door (no doorknob) so you have to take off your bass/guitar, whatever, run the gauntlet, go out the pocket door to the bathroom door.

    Funny thing about Doorknob; you can never just say, "Okay guys, let's knock it off and get to work." Doorknob yields for no man.
     
  19. ahh the 60/40 60% gas and 40% liquid
     
  20. andruca

    andruca

    Mar 31, 2004
    Madrid (Spain)
    Thanks for the compliments on my english, guys!

    I hardly ever have these "sharting" episodes. No big deal with the liquid ones (except for the itching sensation), but the solid ones usually leave these very artistic paintings in your underwear. I sometimes even feel tempted to take photos of such efimerous pieces of fine art! We (me & my wife) got naturally used to call them Picassos or even "Palomas de la paz"!!!! :) :) :) :)

    ANDRUCA

    P/S: My a$$ is the new Andy Warhol!!!! :D
     
    timplog likes this.
  21. Primary

    Primary TB Assistant

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