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Fireslayer: How my injury came to be

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by DigMe, Apr 28, 2010.

  1. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX
    Since some of you have expressed interest in my tales of past adventures I thought I would share a recent adventure with you.

    I sprained my ankle badly on Monday night and it quickly became apparent when I got to work on crutches that I was going to have to explain the story over-and-over to everyone I came across that day. So I preempted that chore by sending out the following email to my coworkers at the school:

    Just so I don't have to tell the story over-and-over all day I'll just go ahead and tell you all now how I hurt my ankle.

    Last night as I was driving home from playing basketball I could see a faint glow ahead in the distance. As I came closer it became apparent that the glow was a giant vehicle in flames in the middle of the road. As I drew nearer still my heart began to race. Was it? Yes...it was a school bus on fire..and it was full of children screaming for rescue, their desperate faces pressed against the windows, eyes full of despair. I came to a screeching halt, car sliding sideways. As the fire began to creep towards the gas tank of the bus I lept from my vehicle with the determination and focus of a furious, caged lion trying to solve a sudoku puzzle. I would save these children if it was the last thing I ever do...

    As I slid across the hood of my car I could feel wave after wave of heat emanating from the fiery bus. The flames roared with a heartless abandon as they inched closer to the back of the bus where the fearful children were cowering. On this night it was going to be man vs. nature. As I stopped for a second to retrieve a piece of chewing gum from my pocket I thought to myself, “I haven't lost to nature yet and I’m not about to start now.”

    I popped the the piece of Orbit© peppermint gum into my mouth and gave a mighty roar as I sprinted to the bus. Upon doing so I detected a faint lessening of the fire...as if it sensed that there was a ball of pure rage that was approaching and it was flinching at the thought of facing down the business end of these guns. I quickly closed the distance between myself and the bus. I went straight to the emergency exit and reached for the latch, ready to fling open the door and pull the children to safety. At that point I realized we were in serious trouble - the latch wouldn't budge. It was stuck fast. My computer-like brain quickly calculated every possible scenario for getting these kids out safely and I settled on the logical solution. The answer was obvious...only a fool wouldn't see it: I was going to need a vacuum cleaner, a fire suit, 100 Jello pudding pops and a crane.. no, no, I thought...that would take way too long. I discarded that idea and with another deafening roar and a vertical leap that would make Mikhail Baryshnikov jealous I jumped to the top of the bus and ran for the ceiling mounted emergency exit, which I learned about at ______ Elementary on bus evacuation drill day. I ripped off the top and lowered myself by the knees, trapeze style. I called to the kids and they began to climb up me like a ladder, one after the other. Once the kids were were out and lowered to the ground I turned and looked back at the fire. “Man 3, Nature 0,” I said to myself with a smirk. As I jumped to the ground and began walking back to my car the bus exploded into a couple of dozen flaming parts. I didn’t even look back as the fire sprang up behind my in a huge mushroom cloud, like the pyrotechnics at some kind of demented rock concert. I just kept walking.

    Oh yeah, the ankle…as I was just about to my car I stepped in a pothole and sprained it. Bummer. Man 0, Pothole 1.


  2. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX
    Perhaps not quite as entertaining as past adventures but I had to go somewhat mild for this uninitiated audience. That and I was short on time.

  3. Oh my God, Jive really was right.
  4. BC=tQ PROVEN!

  5. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX
    Psshhh.. tQ only wishes he had my mad spelling skillz.
  6. MakiSupaStar

    MakiSupaStar The Lowdown Diggler

    Apr 12, 2006
    Huntington Beach, CA
    Well this is awkward. How do I explain to the Qintar that this is merely a B- story? Perhaps I should encourge Brad to let him out a little more often. Then we wouldn't have these embarassing outbursts. You just can't keep the Qintar bottled up inside otherwise you get all these messy premature emissions. :atoz:

    oh wait....

    Is this thing still on? :eek:
  7. rr5025


    Nov 12, 2008
    Haha when I broke my foot I told everyone I saw a bus full of orphans teetering on the edge of a cliff. I bravely ran over just in time to watch it tip over the edge and caught hold of the bus with my foot wedged in a tree root. The orphans used my body as a ladder and all was well until the last one who kicked the bus and twisted it and thus my body and foot therefore breaking my foot.

    I highly approve of this story!
  8. Simo98


    Jun 18, 2009
    QLD, Australia
    So now when you get to work everyone will ask "No really.. How did you do it?"

    You can never win :/
  9. IconBasser

    IconBasser Scuba Viking Supporting Member

    Feb 28, 2007
    Alta Loma, California
    incredible. The Qintar has returned!
  10. the qintar is rusty, to say the least.
  11. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX
    I don't know why you would need to explain my story to the Qintar but this has already been stated and explained in my second post.

  12. Is this what happens when you leave razor sharp wit out in the rain?
  13. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX
    No. It's what happens when you sheath the razor so as not to injure the audience. It's for their own good.

  14. DaveDeVille

    DaveDeVille ... you talkin' to me ?? Supporting Member

    the Qintar .
    oh how the mighty have fallen ...

    ... incredulous , indeed . :ninja:
  15. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    someone logged into the wrong account for this story, apparently.
  16. L-A


    Jul 17, 2008
    So, Brad, are you the Qintar's literate brother?

    EDIT: Or his fiesty sidekick?
  17. MakiSupaStar

    MakiSupaStar The Lowdown Diggler

    Apr 12, 2006
    Huntington Beach, CA
    The Qintar stories (of the 'A+ variety) need no explaining. This is why it's awkward.

    But to help you (Brad Cook) out with your dilemna, I must say crutches suck (figuratively and literally). A man on crutches is angry at the world.

    I put this little video together for you. Enjoy.
  18. Mike N

    Mike N Missing the old TB Staff Member Supporting Member

    Jan 28, 2001
    Spencerport, New York
    Great story, wild eagle.
  19. Ívar Þórólfsson

    Ívar Þórólfsson Mmmmmm... Supporting Member

    Apr 9, 2001
    Kopavogur, Iceland
    I was mildly amused by bc=tq's story.

    How's the fence you (the qintar) built doing Brad? Is it still up?
  20. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    he is the qintar's inflamed sense of rejection.


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