It's a bit much, but I like it. -------------------------------------------------------------- The world as we know it will change March 1. Rock 'n' roll will be saved. The face of music will change forever. The sh*t is seriously coming down. What's the deal you inquire? Look no further than saviors of rock, El Pus. (Pronounced "El Poose;" a slang term for "the s*it.") But before I bring you their powerful testimonial, a brief history lesson if you will. Rock music in 2005 is boring, predictable and was done ten million times better in the 70s and early 80s. Got it? Good. Now let's proceed. El Pus is so pimp, the first time they sent their album to The Jambar, it didn't even play. The "Pootie Tang" silent album maneuver worked, as when Mr. Delivery Man rolled through a second time and made us sign for their CD (suck on that Kid Rock), I knew the holy grail of albums awaited. And that's just what we got with the advance copy of the El Pus album, " Hoodlum Rock, Vol. 1" They drop their testimonial right out of the gate with "Monday Morning." Think of a rap version of the Marvelous 3, with dance-like Poisonesque choruses - not in a mullet sporting MILF way, but rather a clubbing on a work night way. From said track: "Smoke smoke y'all, cheeba cheeba y'all, get crunk y'all, ya don't stop." Exactly. From "Thing Thing:" "Smoke something, toke something, put some lubrication on it and choke something." Yep. If "Girl" didn't contain profanity, it would be an instant number one. Lyrically it's Digital Underground rap, musically it's 70s dance meets Metallica. Led Zeppelin had "Stairway to Heaven," Aerosmith had "Dream On," El Pus has "Suburb Thuggin." From said track, gangster wannabes from Canfield, Boardman and Poland take note: "You ain't really never seen no gangster s*it cause if you did you'd be p*ssin' yourself...You're not a tough guy. Pull your pants up." Damn straight. From some other song (really the names don't matter): "The girl across the bar looks so good to me, but I don't know if it's her body or the ecstacy." The Rolling Stones had cocaine, El Pus got X. What are you gonna do? It's 2005 now folks. Time to face the fact that The White Stripes, The Strokes and the Killers are not going to save rock. What's bad is that you don't even have to know how to write songs to save rock. (e.g. Kiss, AC/DC after the 70s, etc.) But new bands can't even "not write," songs well. El Pus on the other hand, does a pretty good job of it. Really rock 'n' roll's only hope is to fuse elements that have already been done, better than anyone else had already done before. Make sense? If not, good. Quit thinking so hard and buy El Pus. It doesn't stink. Catchy. Rock. Rap. Guitar. Pimp. Good. Blah.