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follow-up to the guy who said I couldn't play

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by hernameisrio, Feb 5, 2016.

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  1. hernameisrio


    Sep 27, 2011
    Berkeley, CA
    Hey guys, remember this thread?

    "can't play for [caca]" dealing with the haters

    It's locked, but the TL;DR is that this older musician dude was bullying me and telling me I couldn't play for [insert your favorite term for excrement]."

    A bunch of you told me I was overreacting and "had issues."

    I am a woman, by the way.

    Well, that's interesting. Because tonight this same dude showed up to shoehorn himself in to a gig I was playing by sitting in on percussion. I had thought that I could calmly tell him to leave me alone and then stoically grit my teeth through the rest of the set. Well, I told him to leave me alone during our break. We finished the set and I went over to the bar to get some water.

    He followed me and started trash-talking me and leaning right into my personal space (he's 6'6", I'm about a foot shorter) and wouldn't back away when I told him to leave me alone. He started shoving at me so I elbowed him back and he took a swing at me. He hit me in the face.

    Still think I'm overreacting? Aight.

    The assailant totally lost it and started fighting with the drummer, who tried to defend me when the assailant followed me outside. The assailant started attacking the drummer and throwing chairs across the cafe. He also hit the woman who was working behind the counter, and then hit our guitarist.

    The cops came, and the drummer and I are both pressing charges and I will have to file a restraining order.

    Just remember this story the next time you tell someone that they're overreacting, or next time you tell a woman that the only reason the guy is saying such horrible things to her, is because he likes her.

    Lastly, look out for your bandmates.

    I'm just gonna leave this here. I only wish I were kidding.

    :drops mic:
  2. How does a guy who thinks a fist fight in a bar, at a gig, with a girl, is ok get a gig at all?
    JackANSI and Crazy_Jake like this.
  3. The fact he turned up at your gig gives me the feeling he was more of a stalker than your initial post indicated. There's a big difference between a bit of trash talking (get over it) and fair-Dinkum repeated harassment.
  4. guy n. cognito

    guy n. cognito Secret Agent Member Gold Supporting Member

    Dec 28, 2005
    Nashville, TN
    Man, that's crazy. That must have made the news. Do you have any links?
    Robert B, /\/\3phist0 and two fingers like this.
  5. hrodbert696

    hrodbert696 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Well, that sucks. Glad you're OK.
    fdeck, fretter and JCooper like this.
  6. two fingers

    two fingers Opinionated blowhard. But not mad about it. Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 7, 2005
    Eastern NC USA
    Man, this is one of those deals where it sucks to be right.

    Glad you're OK.

    That being said.....

    Who just lets a guy set up and play percussion without being invited to begin with? To be sure somebody on that stage knew he had the potential to go off. Why didn't they call the cops when he initially trespassed on the stage? Why wouldn't they have the bar escort him out?

    Who runs that outfit that would know the first story and still force you to play with him? Clearly, whoever that it doesn't give a crap about you.

    Either that or you play with some real winners (sarcasm) who would know that kind of guy and let him on stage anyway.

    Something doesn't add up.

    Still, I'm really glad you were able to type about it afterwards. And I'm glad you won't have to see that guy again.
  7. Esoge


    Jun 22, 2014
    Glassboro, NJ
    Get band members or friends that can fight. Problem solved
  8. sparkyfender2


    Nov 25, 2013

    What sort of "gig" was this?

    I've never played a job where the band thought we needed a "sit in percussionist."
  9. buldog5151bass

    buldog5151bass Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.

    Oct 22, 2003
    OP with all due respect, this is a musicians' forum. You brought up a band management issue, and the members answered as we would for any musician - male/female, black/white, etc. You want to search my original reply, feel free.

    You now are bringing up the fact that the issue was much deeper and non-music related. I'm sorry for that, but is NOT what you brought up before.
    Steve-Mo, DwaynieAD and CatSquare like this.
  10. bassbully

    bassbully Endorsed by The PHALEX CORN BASS..mmm...corn!

    Sep 7, 2006
    Blimp City USA
    I never got into the original thread but this is ridiculous. Its obvious this guy has a screw loose and its to bad somebody didn't drop this tool like a sack of dirt. Glad you are ok...nobody should have to put up with something like this.
    pacojas and buldog5151bass like this.
  11. DWBass

    DWBass The Funkfather

    Had to revisit that thread. I'm sorry that it came to a point where he decided he needed to get physical! That's the sign of a mental issue. Yes, get a restraining order and let your bandmates know about it in case he decides to show up. Let the venues know as well. I also saw some of the responses to your other thread and I have to say, it's typical of some of the members here. So don't let it get to you. I get boosted up and shot down all the time and it can get to you sometimes. In fact, a good friend of mine who always praises my playing and my sound....I found out his band just changed bass players and I was so disappointed he didn't call me given my current situation of trying to find a good band to play in. I'm still upset about it but it won't stop me from still trying!! Maybe this dude was upset that you're getting the gigs he wanted! But that's NOT the way to deal with it. His actions may have booted him from whatever small circles he was a part of.

    You just keep doing what you do. Let your playing and attitude speak for itself. Keep your head up and stay positive. And don't mind some of the 'negative' members here. It's what they do. They can't help themselves and always see themselves as being right!
  12. /\/\3phist0

    /\/\3phist0 Life: It's sexually transmitted and always fatal Supporting Member

    Press civil charges, in addition to criminal charges.
    I'm furious on your behalf. Pm me please, I'm local to you.
  13. Michael B

    Michael B

    Dec 16, 2015
    Lowell, MA
    Wow. Glad no one was hurt.
  14. OP, I'm glad you're safe and hope you continue to be. Your assailant deserves everything that's coming to him, as do his enablers.

    Guys, memorize this:
  15. /\/\3phist0

    /\/\3phist0 Life: It's sexually transmitted and always fatal Supporting Member

    @hernameisrio I'm not going to rally a lynch mob or anything :) I just want to help, and be supportive.
    Alcohol and impotence are a dangerous combination.:D:meh::banghead::confused::bawl::rollno:
    JJR58 and 47th Street like this.
  16. /\/\3phist0

    /\/\3phist0 Life: It's sexually transmitted and always fatal Supporting Member

    Now that's a mature response, :rollno:
    Violence is seldom the right answer Rambo.
    cfsporn, Luke19Boarder, hover and 6 others like this.
  17. Old Blastard

    Old Blastard

    Aug 18, 2013
    Unfortunately, for some it's the only answer. She did the right thing and so did the drummer. You need to do whatever you can to disengage from a dangerous situation and, if necessary, protect your self
    Fingerpickingood likes this.
  18. Esoge


    Jun 22, 2014
    Glassboro, NJ
    Except it totally would've solved everything in this scenario if the dude had just been knocked out when he first forced himself on stage. So there's that.
  19. pcake

    pcake Supporting Member

    Sep 20, 2011
    Los Angeleez
    to the OP - i'm so sorry this happened to you. remember to enforce that restraining order if necessary. if the guy shows up, get pics after immediately calling the cops. that way he can't say he wasn't there if he leaves before the cops arrive.

    but would the OP know there was a deeper issue until it came to this? probably not.

    not really. it also could have made him resentful, and he could have started following her - he seems to be really nuts. i've been stalked - really stalked. no one can protect you, as you often can't see the person when they're there and watching you.
  20. mellowinman

    mellowinman Free Man

    Oct 19, 2011
    She read him right from the start, and the talkbass boy scout patrol had to find a way to blame her.

    Nothing new about that.
    cfsporn, Runnerman, pcake and 14 others like this.

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