For aircraft enthusiasts: Funny airplane lingo and stories.

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Blazer, Apr 22, 2018.

  1. Blazer

    Blazer

    Nov 27, 2003
    The Netherlands
    Rogue luthier employed at Knooren Handcrafted bass guitars
    Ever since the Wright Brothers made the first powered flight, there has been a lot of funny anecdotes and lingo in the aviation world and so I figured it to be funny to start a thread about it.

    Such as the "Colonel's landing" the highest rank that an active military pilot can have is Colonel, which also means that he'll spend more time behind a desk in an office rather than in the seat of his plane. So the joke is "The higher the rank, the worse the landing."

    This is the Northrop SNARK, which was one of the first cruise missiles to enter service.
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    They entered service in 1958 but were quickly phased out in 1961. So what was the problem?
    The SNARK's automatic piloting system worked with a Gyroscope which was coupled to an early computer which would make the SNARK follow a set out flight plan. But when one would Launch a SNARK, the sheer force of the launch would upset the Gyroscope, which then would affect the computer which then would make the missile's flight go ...*ahem* ...not nearly as stable and level. In fact on Cape Canaveral where the SNARK was tested, so many of them ended up in the water that the crews joked that the seas were "SNARK infested"

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    But the whole concept behind something like the SNARK proved to be viable as the second world war had shown how vulnerable aircraft carriers and land based airfields were. So if one could launch a plane into the air from a fixed position, like you would with a missile, it took away from having to use a runway in the first place. All good and well but what about actually landing the plane after the flight had been completed? In the UK they came up with what is arguably the craziest concept ever to solve that problem.
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    On first look, one would say "Oh yes, this DeHavilland Vampire is doing a fly over over an aircraft carrier's deck." but look more closely: the plane has snagged the arrester wire and note also the pressure gages alongside. What Captain Eric Brown who was flying that day, was about to do was to land this jet on an inflatable rubber deck.

    And even though, the landing broke the aircraft's structure which led to the plane itself being written off, the test was deemed successful and the Rubber deck would have been taken into production. Luckily because of the advent of steam powered catapults it was deemed to be exactly what it was: a stupid solution for a problem which shouldn't have existed in the first place.

    Which leads me to the next funny thing I'll show. To test the steam powered catapults, the Royal navy took a decommissioned Carrier, the HMS Perseus and had her fitted with the prototype catapult.

    It's a shame that they didn't film it but the very first thing they launched with the catapult was the grand piano from the officers' mess. What a truly Rock N roll thing to do, Jerry Lee Lewis, eat your heart out.
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2018
  2. fhm555

    fhm555 So FOS my eyes are brown

    Feb 16, 2011
    My dad was an Army helicopter pilot when the program it was in it’s infancy. Back then the standard safety protocol was no smoking 24 hours before flight and no drinking within 50 feet of the aircraft.
     
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  3. garp

    garp

    Feb 7, 2009
    Connecticut USA
    I can still hear the voice of my very first flight instructor who passed away many years ago: "Do whatever you must in order to avoid cumulonimbus and cumulogranite."
     
  4. I hope he passed away from a natural death.
     
  5. What did the catapult do for landing on a postage stamp?
     
  6. garp

    garp

    Feb 7, 2009
    Connecticut USA
    I hope so, too. He was the kind of guy who could recover from any unusual attitude except his own.

    tinsign.jpg
     
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  7. fhm555

    fhm555 So FOS my eyes are brown

    Feb 16, 2011
    When my dad taught me to fly at 16 he would tell me we were going to practice slow flight, stall recovery, etc and always insisted we start two mistakes high.
     
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2018
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  8. Blazer

    Blazer

    Nov 27, 2003
    The Netherlands
    Rogue luthier employed at Knooren Handcrafted bass guitars
    The same mechanics which make a steam catapult work are also used in the arrester wires to stop a plane dead in its tracks on an aircraft carrier. The wires are coupled to very large pneumatic cylinders which can handle the stress that comes with being snatched by a plane going at 400 mph.
     
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2018
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  9. Airline Captain to another airline Captain, "What's the difference between a co-pilot and a duck?". "The duck can fly".

    Aviation is such a serious business.
     
  10. Blazer

    Blazer

    Nov 27, 2003
    The Netherlands
    Rogue luthier employed at Knooren Handcrafted bass guitars
    Some planes have gotten some funny, if not degrading nicknames based on their actual designations or because of a critical design flaw.

    8fa04baf632dd0e72bb75dff1ead66ba.jpg
    The Vought F-4U Corsair will go down in history as one of the greatest planes ever made.

    But what plane enthusiasts tend to want to forget is that it had some serious flaws.
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    The fact that it had such a long nose made it very hard to see out of and that's one thing that is critical for a carrier based plane. The accident rate was so high that it earned the plane the nicknames "Hose nose", "Ensign eliminator" and "Bent-wing Bastard"

    1200px-EA-3B_VQ-1_in_flight_South_China_Sea_1974.jpg
    This is the Douglas A3D Skywarrior which remains the heaviest carrier based pane ever made. It was popular by its crews because of it being a docile flyer. But had the dubious honor of also being the one they probably pass up on if they got the opportunity to fly one again. Because it didn't have ejector seats and the crew were expected to escape the plane through a hatch in the cockpit which was nearly impossible to open in flight. This lead to crews quipping that "A3D" stood for "All three dead"
     
  11. Some of our junior members were not born when the Challenger Space Shuttle blew up mid flight. A little too soon after that came:

    "What does NASA stand for?"






    Need another seven astronauts.