Dismiss Notice

Psst... Ready to join TalkBass and start posting, make new friends, sell your gear, and more?  Register your free account in 30 seconds.

For anyone at work

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by vbass, May 27, 2004.


  1. vbass

    vbass

    May 7, 2004
    Bay Area, CA
    So, yeah, I should be working right now, but instead I am surfing the inet. Found this and thought it was funny, and then I realized, I actually DO some of these things.

    TIPS FOR SUCCESS IN BUSINESS:

    1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with the newspaper in their hands look like they're heading for the bathroom. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

    2. Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that everybody from the computer revolution expected but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss--and you will get caught--your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use the new software, thus saving valuable training dollars. You're not a loafer, you're a self-starter. Offer to show your boss what you learned. That will make your boss scurry away like a frightened salamander.

    3. Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

    4. Voice mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing-- they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's the way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour. That way, you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel. If you diligently employ the method of screening incoming calls and then returning calls when nobody is there, this will greatly increase the odds that they will give up or look for a solution that doesn't involve you. The sweetest voice mail message you can ever hear is "Ignore my last message. I took care of it." If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages. Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is full"--a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand.



    Anyone else guilty? Or better yet.... any other tricks?
     
  2. BustinJustin

    BustinJustin banned

    Sep 12, 2003
    NYC, LI too
    going for that big promotion huh? :eyebrow: :smug:
     
  3. Awww, it's sad that noone replied to this until now. :bawl:

    I think your list is very nice, vbass.
     
  4. Josh Ryan

    Josh Ryan - that dog won't hunt, Monsignor. Staff Member Supporting Member

    Mar 24, 2001
    1) If at all possible, face your monitor so that people entering your office can not see what's on the screen.

    2) Have something else running besides talkbass.com to maximize quickly when someone enters the room, an email client works great for this.

    3) Post work related procedures in your area, making it look like you use them for reference, implying that you actually do them in general.

    4) Eat lunch at your desk instead of the kitchen/cafe, looks like your taking a "working lunch".

    a few more I've come up with....
     
  5. vbass

    vbass

    May 7, 2004
    Bay Area, CA
    Thank you! Yes, feel sad for the thread, it was rather unpopular. poor thing.

    Blisshead - those are some good ones. I live by the law of #3 too. I have all these papers around my cube that I haven't looked at since I started working here, but people always comment like: "wow, you must have a lot to do". :rollno: :D
     
  6. NJL

    NJL

    Apr 12, 2002
    San Antonio
    Yup, i have balls!

    :D
     
  7. Josh Ryan

    Josh Ryan - that dog won't hunt, Monsignor. Staff Member Supporting Member

    Mar 24, 2001
    If you can achieve a 25 hr. max salaried work week you will reach master status like me.
     
  8. BustinJustin

    BustinJustin banned

    Sep 12, 2003
    NYC, LI too
    beat ya


    8hrs a week is all that is expected of me....


    and I do make a very good living
     
  9. rickbass

    rickbass Supporting Member

    When I was in the corporate world, I always contended that university/college business schools should make at least one course in playing golf, mandatory.




    NO, I don't play that game.
     
  10. BustinJustin

    BustinJustin banned

    Sep 12, 2003
    NYC, LI too

    I agree 100%!!!!!!!


    I hate golf... but I'm forced to play and look like a fool!
     
  11. fastplant

    fastplant

    Sep 26, 2002
    Connecticut


    I took Golf in college :D
     
  12. I took golf in college. And billards. Nice.

    Blisshead's rule #1 is absolutely true. I have my monitor setup as such. So when replying to a TB thread, I can swap over to mail and make it look like I was doing an email.

    Don't get me wrong, I do work hard. But I do need a break now and then.
     
  13. fastplant

    fastplant

    Sep 26, 2002
    Connecticut

    Yes, yes, ALT + TAB is your friend.
     
  14. Josh Ryan

    Josh Ryan - that dog won't hunt, Monsignor. Staff Member Supporting Member

    Mar 24, 2001
    Yep, so true.

    Bows before Justin.... you sir, are a master!
     
  15. I feel sad for it. I also feel sad that I don't work in an office :( It is pretty obvious if I'm not doing my work (final inspection in a retread shop, and if I don't do it right, I might be sending a tire out that causes a truck or a school bus to crash and injure or kill many :meh: )

    I do have a suggestion/addition though carry around 2+ more disks. One that has work stuff in it, whatever it is just something to show if you need to open it when someone asks what it is, and 1+ disk(s) that are purely for looking more important/busy. Personally I would go with a disk of funny stuff (remember: making your boss laugh is also a good way to move up in the world) and a dick that is full of random made up sentenses/phrases/proverbs that don't make sense. Here are a few for anyone that wants to put some stuff on a disk to carry around:
    Duck is the pudding I choose for sitting. When is the time for it is. If you take a penny from the cookie jar...look for more, you just found someones seceret stash of cash! If a tree falls in the forest I don't care. Paragraph sentense period space tab comma asdf jkl; qwert yuiop zxcvb nm,./ 123456 7890-

    If that helps anyone I am glad. I am also glad to give this poor thread alittle more life, good luck little buddy :)
     
  16. BustinJustin

    BustinJustin banned

    Sep 12, 2003
    NYC, LI too
    it's all in the pinky man... it's all there