Free at last ! Feelings and rant

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Indiana Mike, Apr 28, 2018.


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  1. Indiana Mike

    Indiana Mike Supporting Member

    Nov 18, 2005
    Made my last child support payment yesterday. While most ,and myself, would think that I would be overjoyed ,that is not the case. I am relieved, but fight the bitterness that tries to take hold. After paying at least twenty five percent of my take home income for over a decade, to another household that had an income greater than my own,has made it a struggle to remain sane . I watched as the other couple took numerous vacations ,bought campers and toys etc...i sought out and worked overtime so I could experience a somewhat normal lifestyle. I bought and paid for things I should of never had to,but refused to make my kids victims of circumstance.

    When I took the order stopping support to my local clerks office, which has bullet proof glass and security, I was questioned and berated. I never missed a single payment.i was never late one time. I finally stated that here is an order signed by a judge,are you going to process it? I then walked out and called my attorney. A question was raised if the order was proper. In the end I prevailed and owe nothing more. The prosecutor did say he didn't understand why I experienced what I did,but offered no apology or explanation.

    I am moving on and determined not to get bitter, I will not let this experience ruin me.
     
  2. Axstar

    Axstar Inactive

    Jul 8, 2016
    Scotland.
    That sounds like no fun at all. It seems the system is based on the archaic notion that the man is always the top, or single, breadwinner. The woman is always the caring mothering half of the pair. It must be frustrating watching your 25% get frittered away like that.
     
    DaveDeVille likes this.
  3. FilterFunk

    FilterFunk Everything is on the ONE! Supporting Member

    Mar 31, 2010
    It's sounds like you did the right thing all those years, you were the bigger person at the clerk's office, you prevailed in the end, and now you're free.

    WIN-WIN-WIN-WIN!!! FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT! MOVE ON AND ENJOY YOUR LIFE! :thumbsup:
     
  4. Pilgrim

    Pilgrim Supporting Member

    What matters is:

    1) You conducted yourself with integrity.
    2) You're done with it.
     
  5. catcauphonic

    catcauphonic High Freak of the Low Frequencies Supporting Member

    Mar 30, 2012
    Seattle WA
    I know a few decent single dads who struggle with this archaic system because of an entitled or vindictive ex-wife.

    It's my understanding that the judge can base the payment amount on the man's potential to earn, and not what their actual income is. Is this a for real thing?

    Good job not ending up on Forensic Files during all this :thumbsup: You're finally free to tend to the child's needs as you see fit
     
    JRA likes this.
  6. True, but I fear Mom will have him on speed dial for anything that comes up.
     
  7. JRA

    JRA my words = opinion Supporting Member

    in spite of any temptation carry a load over this: let it go. you did the right thing. let it go.

    good luck! :thumbsup:
     
    jchrisk1 likes this.
  8. ONYX

    ONYX

    Apr 14, 2000
    Michigan
    In honor of your newfound personal happiness, I'm going to buy you a shot and a beer. But since I have know idea where you are, I guess I'll have to drink them on your behalf.

    So here we go.........cheers mate!
     
    slobake, Son of Wobble and G-Z like this.
  9. joebar

    joebar

    Jan 10, 2010
    That is a truly epic day when that happens.
    Good for you man.
     
  10. rllefebv

    rllefebv

    Oct 17, 2000
    Newberg, Oregon
    Much respect!

    -robert
     
  11. Mktrat

    Mktrat Seriously, are we not doing phrasing anymore?

    Apr 9, 2013
    The Mitten
    First off, OP look at this as a positive.
    Whether it makes you happy or not is only for you to decide.

    And yes, watching the other party live it up while you’re trying to get by is tough.
    I have first hand experience with this as well. Focus on the kids. One smile from them and everything seems fine, even if only for a fleeting moment.

    Yes, this is actually a thing. Too many people tried to go “off the record” to avoid paying. Cash jobs, and side work kind of stuff. There are also instances where a very successful individual has taken a low level job so as to show very little income for the purposes of support calculations.
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2018
  12. TOOL460002

    TOOL460002

    Nov 4, 2004
    Santa Cruz
    Most of the folks I know haven't kept up with payments and no longer have passports. I know you said it wasn't like you were living it up, but to be the bigger man for a decade or so is absolutely admirable. You deserve to feel good. Now a new chapter starts. I'm sure you will navigate that with as much class as you've demonstrated.
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2018
    Mktrat, catcauphonic and DaveDeVille like this.
  13. Indiana Mike

    Indiana Mike Supporting Member

    Nov 18, 2005
    Thanks for all the kind words .

    I have kept myself healthy ,plan on many years of living life 1.2

    I'm glad it's over....
     
    slobake, TOOL460002, Mktrat and 3 others like this.
  14. IamGroot

    IamGroot

    Jan 18, 2018
    Talk to your kids about it when they reach 30.
     
    TOOL460002 likes this.
  15. buldog5151bass

    buldog5151bass Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.

    Oct 22, 2003
    Connecticut
    Remember, many non-custodial parents are not as good as you in paying support - that is what they are used to. Hopefully you are your children can have a good adult relationship. Some of my favorite memories of my father were the things were did together as adults, even though he part of my life every day as a child.
     
    slobake, hrodbert696 and TOOL460002 like this.
  16. 48thStreetCustom

    48thStreetCustom

    Nov 30, 2005
    Colorado
     
  17. slobake

    slobake resident ... something Supporting Member

    Good job on keeping up the payments @Indiana Mike. As you know, now comes the part of letting the possible bitterness go. Not always easy but possible and very freeing when you can. We are human and sometimes these things can be a struggle.
    There are times when I am going through life and when old issue comes up and I find myself getting worked up all over again about nothing more than a bad memory. I think " I thought I dealt with this already?" It's okay, I am happy when I catch myself before it goes too far. Some things and people I need to forgive again and again as many time as it takes until I get free. Not going to be hard on myself because I struggle with it.
    The good news for you is that you paid the support without issue and didn't take on any additional baggage that you have to deal with. Enjoy your freedom. :hyper:
     
  18. Good for you, Indiana Mike!

    It's sad that you got that type of treatment from bureaucratic non-thinkers, but celebrate everyday going forward.

    I wish you the best. :thumbsup:

    Mike
     
  19. Primary

    Primary TB Assistant

    Here are some related products that TB members are talking about. Clicking on a product will take you to TB’s partner, Primary, where you can find links to TB discussions about these products.

     
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