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Fretless Humor

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Big Bass Daddy, Dec 13, 2005.

  1. How about some stories of the crap we fretless players get from the unappreciative pop lovers out there? Here's a starter:

    Me, to the Christian worship leader; "When Jesus plays bass, he plays a fretless."

    Response; "Yeah, but his intonation is perfect!"

  2. Woodchuck


    Apr 21, 2000
    Atlanta (Grant Park!)
    Gallien Krueger for the last 12 years!
    I used to play in this band where the leader/lead singer liked to play bass on one song to show his prowess. :rollno: He'd always make a big deal out of it too. One show he said something to the effect of, "Yeah, Woodchuck is handling the bass, but I'm going to show him how it's done!" :scowl: Then he'd play his 3 note (2 on the E and 1 one the A) song and sing. Well, the Woodchuck didn't take too kindly to his comment, especially since he was using my backup bass for his dog and pony show. Revenge was eminent! The next show, my backup was a fretless 5'er! Well, it comes time for his "Prince moment", and he grabs the fretless 5, straps it on and has the funniest "Oh s*@t" look on his face. He looks at me, and I look away. Since I was the MD, I crank up the band. After missing his cue TWICE, he gives it a go. He starts playing the 5 like a 4, i.e. thinking the B was an E and so on. Needless to say, he sounded like grade A crap! :D He then stops the band, and announces the bass is out of tune, and that I neglected to tune it. This woman, who was the bassist for one of the other bands, yells out, "It's a 5 string! The top string is a B!" At that point, the band and audience loses it. BTW, I was fired the next week! :hyper: It wasn't even a paying gig!
  3. Hyrulegal


    Dec 12, 2005
    Ha ha ha ha!!! :D (wipes eye) Ah, man ,that was friggin hilairious! I couldn't stop laughing! Way to go woodchuck!, that revenge was really sweet, that jerk deserved it! How dare he try to up stage you like that! Well, he got his comeupence , (sniggers) and what a feeble excuse "out of tune" , honestly :rolleyes:
  4. Phil Mastro

    Phil Mastro

    Nov 18, 2004
    Good one woodchuck, I woulda paid to see that. :D :D :D
  5. Heff


    Dec 11, 2005
    I love a feel good story hahaha
  6. fourstringdrums

    fourstringdrums Decidedly Indecisive Supporting Member

    Oct 20, 2002
    Hah, atleast you got him good before you're time with them ended. I'm sure you're not fretting about it now :p
  7. de la mocha

    de la mocha

    Aug 20, 2005
    See this is the stuff I log on at work for!!!! :cool:
  8. WOO HOO I almost had my coffee come out of my nose on this one! I'll bet the guy never changed his ways though!
  9. Dkerwood


    Aug 5, 2005
    I can't believe that they would be so unprofessional as to fire you over that. First of all, it's not your responsibility to provide lead guitar player with a "showboat" instrument. It's YOUR backup, you should be able to use whatever you want. If he wants to use your backup, he better know enough to work with whatever he gets (which he obviously didn't).

    But to fire an otherwise competent bassist simply because he beat wiseacre guitarist at his own game? Come on. That's the kind of band you don't want to have anything to do with in the first place.
  10. fr0me0


    Dec 7, 2004
    Winnipeg Canada
    no one really knows I have a fretless until I tell them. Only my bass instuctor figured it out "wow that tone is really good, sounds exactly like a fretless, wait a minute (rubs the fretlines) ok that makes sense"
  11. Dkerwood


    Aug 5, 2005
    This girl at my college is regarded as the best electric bassist, which I suppose would make me second fiddle...err... bassist (at least as far as the jazz community is concerned).

    She plays on a really nice 5 string fretless... unfortunately, she has no sense of precise pitch. It's painful to listen to her play. Yes, technically, she can run circles around me. She can also read far better than I can. But at least I have an ear.

    I should get a fretless just to show people that electric fretless basses don't HAVE to play out of tune.

  12. Woodchuck...simply amazing
  13. Minger


    Mar 15, 2004
    Rochester, NY

    I want an unlined fretless solely for the reason that when I've got my bass at school (After my first 2 of 4 classes theres lunch and study block, which I spend both in the orchestra room playing either my bass or guitar) people tend to want to put it on and try for themselves...
  14. Gard


    Mar 31, 2000
    WInter Garden, FL
    Definition of a minor 2nd:

    Two fretless bassists playing in unison.


  15. Phil Mastro

    Phil Mastro

    Nov 18, 2004
    Sounds like the bass wannabes I know at school. When I bring my fretless, a lot less people tend to ask me to try it. But I get more questions as to how I play it. :eyebrow:

    I also enjoy seeing the guitarists try to figure out what key I'm playing in by looking at my board instead of listening, and hence having no clue what key I'm in. :D
  16. I...... don't get it. :meh:
  17. chaosMK


    May 26, 2005
    Albuquerque, NM
    Hi-fi into an old tube amp
    Nice revenge Woodchuck :bassist:
  18. Gard


    Mar 31, 2000
    WInter Garden, FL
    Ass/u/me-ing you are serious ;):

    A minor 2nd is the smallest interval in western music - the distance from B to C for example.

    The joke is, they can't both play a C (or choose a note) in tune, and are a half step apart at all times, i.e. a minor 2nd.

    ...jokes are never quite as funny when you explain them...


  19. Woodchuck


    Apr 21, 2000
    Atlanta (Grant Park!)
    Gallien Krueger for the last 12 years!

    Dennis Miller, ladies and gentlemen! :D

    How's life, Gardo?
  20. Gard


    Mar 31, 2000
    WInter Garden, FL
    Thank you, thank you very much!!! :cool:

    (Strikes appropriate Dennis pose, with head wobbling...)

    Dude, life is good, very very good....hope all's well with you, and when are you going to give up on all those other basses and become a Roscoe endorser??? :D