Friends dropping out of sight when in relationships

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by MAJOR METAL, Apr 18, 2012.


    MAJOR METAL The Beagle Father Supporting Member

    I am sure many of us have had friends, both girls and guys, who seem to drop off the face of the planet when they get into an intimate relationship with someone. Having seen this happen a number of times, I am inclined to think it is more of a maturity issue then that of new infatuation. Have you seen this occur more with your girl or guy friends and what do you think causes this kind of behavior?
  2. jbiscuti


    Dec 22, 2007
    NYC / LA
    Endorsing Artist: Grolsch Strap Locks
    It's happening to me right now. I'm just real happy with the girl. Crazy huh?
  3. MatticusMania

    MatticusMania LANA! HE REMEMBERS ME!

    Sep 10, 2008
    Pomona, SoCal
    Ive seen both male and female friends do it. Hell, I was guilty of it when I was with my first wife. What causes it? IMO, insecurity. In my case, it was her being insecure about me being around my friends, especially so if she was not present. It was nice that once we broke up my friends were all still there for me. I vowed not to ever let that happen again, and all through my most recent relationship (3 years) I remained visible and saw my friends often.
  4. pacojas

    pacojas "FYYA BUN"

    Oct 11, 2009

    this one made me LOLZ!!!

    and i agree with Matticus. i have actually lost contact with life-long friends over this mating ritual. i sometimes refer to it as "The Bonding". ;)
  5. jmattbassplaya

    jmattbassplaya Supporting Member

    Jan 13, 2008
    I don't think it's always a maturity issue. I think a lot of people like the dopamine high they get right when they enter a relationship. Like any addict, they chase it as much as they can, and the best way to get it is to spend time around that person. That, plus the beginning of most relationships also contains gratuitous amounts of sex and naked time. I personally am a fan of naked time, especially when it's spent with a naked lady, so I can't say I blame all people for dropping off the Earth for awhile :p

    That said, it becomes an issue if that person feels like they have to spend all their time with their new significant other because of jealousy issues or because they feel a need to please them 24/7. I'd say it is a maturity thing then. But don't hate on others just because they like naked time!

    *edit* man, i can't write today!
  6. EBodious


    Aug 2, 2006
    other people drop out of sight when they get into relationships. me, i just enjoy staying home with my gf, saving money and having sex.

    why? are my friends still going out when i am not there?

  7. cjmodulus


    Jul 15, 2010
    Oh, look. A new sig.
  8. michael_atw


    Feb 28, 2009
    Jamestown, NY
    I find it to be much more an issue with women-friends than men. I've easily maintained relationships with guy friends through relationships. Women? Yeah right. They will cut ties for a couple of reasons methinks: they either spend too much time focused on the one guy or they have a protective man who essentially cuts them off.
  9. deeptubes


    Feb 21, 2011
    I think it's because new love is all consuming. If given a choice between having sex with the woman I'm crazy about, or hanging out with my buddies - well, that's not really much of a choice! Love my brethren, but there are things they just can't do. ;)

    I'm 42 now. Wife and I have been together for almost 16 years, and we have a 15 month old daughter. Don't really drink anymore or have the desire to. My best friend/guitarist passed last summer. Don't have the urge to go out partying. Don't need to figure out who I am, or where my place is in life. Don't feel the need to experience new things - been there, done that. Do still spend time with friends ocassionally. The great thing is that I can. Don't even have to explain. A simple "I'm going over to __________ house. I'll be home ______." She says "Ok, have fun. See you when you get home." But, I like spending time at home with my family. I've settled into a comfort zone, and life is good.

    I guess when you meet the person who warms your soul, your priorities change.
  10. Phalex

    Phalex Semper Gumby Supporting Member

    Oct 3, 2006
    G.R. MI
    I think I've seen the guys who were in my wedding maybe five or six times since I got married 14 years ago.
  11. I hate it when people do that...

    IMO it is even worst when the opposite happen, my best friend met a girl couple years ago and since then it has been impossible to see him without her!

    It goes like this: Call him, ask him if he wants to meet up with the lads and go for a pint or eleven, he tells you he will meet you at the pub in 20 min. An hour+ later he turns up with his girlfriend saying "sorry, she had to take a shower and dry he hair etc!"

    She was never even invited!!! He never even mentioned her!

    After an hour she is tired and wants to go home so he leaves!

    Drives me mad....

    Tried to talk to him but it didn't change a thing, it's like they are bonded to each other.
  12. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Moderator Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    I disappeared for a few months when I met my wife. None of my friends gave me any grief, just some good natured teasing. My wife is still the person of choice for me to spend time with. Fortunately I have friends who understand that.

  13. I've noticed this as well. I would also agree that it is a maturity issue. Situations and life change - my good friends are still great friends, but the available time to get together, swill overpriced beers, and hang out is drastically reduced.

    One of my good friends from HS was the first to get married. I didn't understand why he dropped off the face of the earth, but then I got in a relationship (as well as a significantly better job), and my available time dropped significantly.

    Years later, add additional work & family commitments & it is a wonder we see each other at all!
  14. Waffles and Scotch

    Waffles and Scotch Guest

    Sep 30, 2009
    Tampa, FL
    I dropped off the face of the earth when I started playing bass...if I weren't in a band, my GF would be the only reason I leave the house... :)

    Oh, and work. :mad:
  15. pacojas

    pacojas "FYYA BUN"

    Oct 11, 2009

    i am a bass addict! so much so my exe tossed one of my basses down a flight of steps. (thanks Ned Steinberger for making a composite for the haters);)
  16. Jonyak


    Oct 2, 2007
    Ottawa, Ont
    It happens more and more as you grow up.
  17. I prefer to spend time with my wife over my friends, she is my best friend. That being said, we do make sure that we see our friends as well.

  18. To me its guys. Some guys really are whipped its rather sad. Like when someone has to run something by the wife first ..........okay? why did you message me then.

    I have had numerous guy friends build a home in there girl friends ass after they started dating.My best friend wants to move into my spare room with his girlfriend and split rent 3 ways.............idk how to say no but she is a cry baby bitch. Anytime we get drunk she tags along and cries and he runs off with her as she pretends to be sick.

    I really dislike people in relationships-even tho I am in one. Me and my girlfriend vowed not to be that couple and ignore each other when company is around. I also go to the bar without her 2 times a week usually.

    MAJOR METAL The Beagle Father Supporting Member

    I think I could understand how someone who had never really been taken by someone before, could tune out the world when the love bug bites the first time. I can also understand, how those friends who are experiencing a void in this department, would feel resentment towards a friend who is finding more fulfillment in an intimate relationship then the previous social one.
  20. hover


    Oct 4, 2008
    I don't know that I agree that it's a matter of immaturity or insecurity or what have's more a matter of priorities.

    There's also a difference between true relationships and those of infatuation...the latter being where the maturity and insecurity issues reside.