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Getting deployed soon

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by MrDuncan, Dec 4, 2005.

  1. Dec 4, 2005 #1
    MrDuncan

    MrDuncan Guest

    Oct 16, 2004
    Halifax, Nova Scotia
    Hello everyone;

    I am posting this thread as I find myself a little lost and not sure how do deal with a situation.

    In 5 weeks I am being deployed on a Canadian Warship for a 6 to 7 month deployment. My problem is that my wife on a year and a half has become very depressed lately and refuses to talk about her problems. This has been causing some problems with our marriage as communication has almost ceased.

    I have tried talking to my friends about the matter but as most of the are also in the military their replies usually involve getting divorced and finding a new woman overseas. I now understand why none of my friends are married. My chain of command has also been of no assistance as I was told that them preparing for the trip was taking precedence and they had no time to attempt to do anything to help.

    I know that a lot of people here are in the military (and maybe some of you are in the Canadian Forces) and what I need to know is how you guys would react in a situation like this. I've tried everything I can think of and I am just about at the end of my rope.

    I hope this is posted in the right forum.

    Thanks in advance for your time guys.
     
  2. Dec 4, 2005 #2
    syciprider

    syciprider Inactive

    May 27, 2005
    Inland Empire
    In the US Navy, we have Family Services Centers with counselors and such. Also, deployed units have an Ombudsman who acts as liaison between the unit and the homefront. All these are kinda like the spouses' support unit.

    If the RCN doesn't have these programs then perhaps you can find her a few girl friends whose hubbys are also in the service? They might be able to help her cope.

    I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It's hard to deploy when your mind is elsewhere. Take care out there.
     
  3. Dec 4, 2005 #3
    Toasted

    Toasted

    May 26, 2003
    Leeds, UK
    Stay with your wife, it sounds like she needs you.
     
  4. Dec 4, 2005 #4
    syciprider

    syciprider Inactive

    May 27, 2005
    Inland Empire
    He can't. That will make him AWOL.
     
  5. Dec 4, 2005 #5
    Toasted

    Toasted

    May 26, 2003
    Leeds, UK
    What rammifications does that have?
     
  6. Dec 4, 2005 #6
    syciprider

    syciprider Inactive

    May 27, 2005
    Inland Empire
    A BIG pay cut and some time usually.
     
  7. Dec 4, 2005 #7
    Toasted

    Toasted

    May 26, 2003
    Leeds, UK
    "time" asin prison?
     
  8. Dec 4, 2005 #8
    Pacman

    Pacman Layin' Down Time Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Apr 1, 2000
    Omaha, Nebraska
    Endorsing Artist: Roscoe Guitars, DR Strings, Aguilar Amplification
    Yes. Military prison, usually.
     
  9. Dec 4, 2005 #9
    Toasted

    Toasted

    May 26, 2003
    Leeds, UK
    Wow, just for staying with his wife when she needed him?

    Does that situation sound scewed to anyone else; Or am I just being too liberal today?
     
  10. Dec 4, 2005 #10
    Davidoc

    Davidoc Guest

    Sep 2, 2000
    Northern VA and JMU
    No, for breaking a contract he signed and not following up on a commitment he agreed to.
     
  11. Dec 4, 2005 #11
    SuperDuck

    SuperDuck Guest

    Sep 26, 2000
    Wisconsin
    Yeah, a commitment to the military is not something taken very lightly. If everyone in the armed forces stayed around for family reasons, there probably would not _be_ a military. :meh: It's a very heavy decision that one makes when they head for the Army/Navy/Marines/Air Force/Canadian Military That I Didn't Really Know That Much About.
     
  12. Dec 4, 2005 #12
    leadfootbassman

    leadfootbassman Guest

    Dec 2, 2005
    Hornell, NY

    Shipmate, I did 20 years in the US Navy, Submarine Force to be specific. As syciprider said, we had an Ombudsman who usually helped the wives/girlfriends deal with the separations. I've done numerous deployments and have had 2 wives (at different times, mind you) to deal with during them. It's not easy.

    COMMUNICATIONS is the key. You HAVE to get her to talk about her feelings and you have to be able to talk about yours. The Ombudsman can help with this.

    Believe me, after two failed marriages, I realized that it was my lack of communications that most likely caused both of my divorces. YOU HAVE TO COMMUNICATE!!!!!!

    Separation is never easy. For either of you, but more so for her. You at least have your shipmates to help with your problems. Who does she have? Does she know anyone in the area? Does she know any other wives/girlfriends of your shipmates? Is there a wives/spouse support group for your command?

    What you have said about your friends comments says that OBVIOUSLY none of them are married.

    Do you have any friends/acquantinances on your ship that are married? Perhaps a Chief Petty Officer or Senior Petty Officer (forgive me, it's been several years since I've dealt with Canadian Navy). Maybe they can help you as well.

    As a fellow musician, playing always helped me when I was out to sea. You need to find a way to help your wife while you're at sea.

    Feel free to PM me if you want. I retired (after 20 years) from the US Navy in 2002 and am willing to give you any help that you may need to get you through your deployment.