1. Please take 30 seconds to register your free account to remove most ads, post topics, make friends, earn reward points at our store, and more!  
    TalkBass.com has been uniting the low end since 1998.  Join us! :)

Gig for girlfreind - Should'a KNOWN!

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by Joe P, Oct 10, 2005.

  1. Joe P

    Joe P

    Jul 15, 2004
    Milwaukee, WI
    I'm sure I'm not the only one: Drummer's girlfreind hires band for a big bash at her big house. I contact the drummer today, and he says "It's up to you, Joe - but Andy and I aren't going to accept any money from Kathy. We couldn't do that!"

    Dandy. Just Dandy.

    I have a fellow TB'er waiting for payment on a Loop Station based to a large extent on my stinkin' ninty-two dollars for this gig.

    This is the same band that suddenly decided that they only wanted to play-out once a month at-max (except for ZERO-per-month in the inclement-weather months of December, January and Febuary) -- when I practiced with them for a year-plus thinking that I was investing toward maybe two or three or FOUR gigs a month. ...SO! We've of-course now PLAYED our October gig, we have one booked for late November, and then I won't see any pay for three months.

    Lovely. Just Lovely.

    I'm sure I'm not the first -

  2. TomSauter


    Dec 22, 2004
    Kennesaw, GA
    You should never do anything for free for a woman. :D
  3. Joe P

    Joe P

    Jul 15, 2004
    Milwaukee, WI
    I'll tell-ya'. (sigh.)

  4. Joe P

    Joe P

    Jul 15, 2004
    Milwaukee, WI
    The more I think about it: I have to ask for my pay. It would really bother me to give my drummer's girlfriend almost a hundred dollars 'gift' because of this band-drama psych-out, here.

    ..Especially being that I can only expect ONE hundred more from this band's schedule over the next FOUR MONTHS.

    Dang! Now these guys are going to think I'm a heartless dink or something.

  5. Scottie Johnson

    Scottie Johnson

    Sep 8, 2004
    You've gotta get yours. Maybe you could join another band since these fellows only want to play once a month. Do they even like to play out, because it seems like they don't.
  6. Munjibunga

    Munjibunga Total Hyper-Elite Member Gold Supporting Member

    May 6, 2000
    San Diego (when not at Groom Lake)
    Independent Contractor to Bass San Diego
    Have a private conversation with the GF, and casually ask her if her boyfriend said the band would play the gig for free. (You need to do this to see how bad you'd make the drummer look if you insisted on pay.) If she says yes, then the response is, "Hmm. He never mentioned that to me when he told us about the gig." So she now knows that you weren't asked, and must carry some responsibility for the fact that you're not getting paid. Then you tell her about your purchase obligations and ask her if she'd mind paying you, unless she's going to cut her boyfriend off over it. Then you're on your own.
  7. Petebass


    Dec 22, 2002
    QLD Australia
    My Gf asked about hiring my band for her upcomming twenty tenth. Straight up I told her I'd play for free, but it would be very uncool to ask the rest of the band to do the same. They're all pro or semi-pro, meaning they depend on the money.

    As far as I'm concerned, the band had no right to make you feel like you should play for free. I've found that agreeing to freebies creates a precedent where you'll be expected to do them all the time. Before you know itl, everyone you know starts planning parties on the notion that they can get your band for free.
  8. bassman314

    bassman314 I seem to be a verb, an evolutionary process...

    Mar 13, 2005
    Bay Area, CA
    seeing as music is your livelyhood, it's pretty dumb NOT to ask for pay. i agree with Munji's tactful method of checking on it...

    but dude... that's lame... to me, that's kinda common sense. I don't ask programmer buddies of mine to make a "quick and dirty ap" for free. I don't ask attorney friends of mine for real legal advise for free. Why would I ask a musician friend to play a gig for me for free? It's a courtesy... or at least should be...
  9. Passinwind

    Passinwind I Know Nothing Supporting Member Commercial User

    Dec 3, 2003
    Columbia River Gorge, WA.
    Owner/Designer &Toaster Tech Passinwind Electronics
    I occasionally play parties for free as a favor to my bandmates. It's always spelled out up front who pays for gas, food, booze, etc. I have a few chips to call in sooner or later, but in my case I'm already gigging as much as I want to. Usually I only play parties where there's a likelyhood of jamming with some good players I otherwise don't get to play with much.

    Personally, I think they owe you a paying gig ASAP. That one doesn't count for your October one unless someone ponies up. You should be able to book one, and get a little spiff for booking as well. Dunno if that's realistic, but that's how I'd try to play it. Otherwise, the drummer should maybe pay your fee if he's not comfortable hitting up his GF.

    Best of luck.
  10. Joe P

    Joe P

    Jul 15, 2004
    Milwaukee, WI
    His Girlfriend DIDN'T want this to happen, I presume - that's why she PAID HIM UP-FRONT! I know she did this; she even mentioned it at the party. They're planning on returning the money - like a gift.

    ...So I went over to talk with him last night. I got my money. He didn't seem all-THAT p.o.'ed, I guess.

    I warned him that there's a good chance that she'll refuse to take the money back; that she's proud of the idea that she 'hired a live band'. I told him that if that's the case, I suggest that he donate to his favorite charity in her name; he said "that would be me".

    Band-drama; Oh yeah.

    Well, anyway: within a week I should have that Loop Station! Oh yeah!

  11. Petary791


    Feb 20, 2005
    Michigan, USA
    Damned women!

    Do not let them get in the way of music.
  12. Tsal


    Jan 28, 2000
    Finland, EU
    I think it's your drummers problem if he wants to put even more cash into his girlfriend, not yours. You are right to ask for your normal share - if the rest of the guys want to give the cash back, shouldn't concern you.

    I'd recommend that if they want to "give the cash back" they invest it in a some kind of a gift, though. This is what we did with my drummer when our older singer and guitarists with regular jobs insisted that we students should take the small gig money - we took the extra $60 but made sure the singers newborn got a gigantic teddybear from "all the guys in the band" :)
  13. SteveC

    SteveC Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Nov 12, 2004
    North Dakota
    I think there's more in play here than the GF party. I think you need to find a new band. It sounds like you are ready, willing and wanting to play much more than the rest of the band. It doesn't sound like you are or will be very happy with this band. Have you looked around yet? Maybe you should.
  14. bassmonkeee

    bassmonkeee Supporting Member

    Sep 13, 2000
    Decatur, GA
    If they give you any grief about expecting the money you've already been told that you're getting, tell them to pound sand.

    Then, ask them if they plan to spend $90+ each on your girlfriend when her birthday rolls around.

    Finally, tell them to pound sand, again--just for good measure.
  15. I've played for relatives before, I always tell them I'm happy to play for free, but don't expect the band to do likewise. If they want to do it as a favor too, I'm ok with it. If someone in the band asks me up front to play free for a favor, I'm ok with that. Up front. If I've already been told its a paid gig, I might forgo pay if everyone else is, unless I've already "spent" the money for the gig on a planned necessity like you. Then if I'm stuck at that point, I say I'm sorry, I've already obligated my self somewhere else, I'd like to but no longer can pull it off. I think you're right to ask for it.

  16. andruca


    Mar 31, 2004
    Madrid (Spain)
    This is what pisses me off in your post (didn't read the one relating this "less than 1 gig a month average" policy). Why did you accept such BS? Aren't there any other bands to play with? That sucks big time!!!!

  17. Stox


    Mar 18, 2005
    London UK

  18. jive1

    jive1 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound

    I'm more than happy to offer MY services to a friend, but never offer someone elses. That's plain wrong.
  19. Joe P

    Joe P

    Jul 15, 2004
    Milwaukee, WI
    Ha! The day they announced this new 'once-a-month maximum' rule (I was shocked!), I said "In the apparent 'band meeting' that you guys had without me - when y'all decided on this new rule - the fact MUST have come-up that 'Joe's not going to go for this', didn't it? You guys MUST know that I wouldn't go for this; it's the same as just pushing me right out of the band!". I later said "You guys know you're going to loose your bassist if you aren't going to budge on this, right?"

    I told them that if that's how it is, I'd have to actively seek other work. They didn't seem all that broken-up about it.

    About the last thing that was said at that meeting was "Well, Joe - you know that you've always been into this music thing more than we have".

    Lovely. Just lovely.

    Yet since then, the drummer's tried to put the guilt trip on me a FEW times for breaking-up the band!

    It's a shame; they've been old buddies of mine since highschool, and the drummer was actually in a BAND with me back then in '78-'79! We got a local newspaper writeup a few months ago about how we're 'rockin' again after twenty years' or whatever.

    I thought that I'd found a good thing for a moment with a new FUNK band that was starting-up, but that's turning into a dissapointment, for-sure. These guys are all Blues, Rock n' roll, and old-R&B-ballads players - they just DON'T have funk in'em; they just don't. The two horn players won't seriously learn all their parts, and half the time pretty-much are just 'jammin' along' - and THEN they're all hankerin' to get out of Wednesday-night practice because their favorite BLUES JAM is on Wed. nights! (Rythmically-speaking, blues is sort-of ANTI-FUNK, isn't it??) I joined the band about three months ago, and since then they moved the practice place from about 70mi, to 120mi round-trip from my house - and I've still been going to practice! I guess that SOME-amount of horn band experience will look good on my musical resume, anyway...

    Dandy --

  20. Munjibunga

    Munjibunga Total Hyper-Elite Member Gold Supporting Member

    May 6, 2000
    San Diego (when not at Groom Lake)
    Independent Contractor to Bass San Diego
    Smooth. Way to go.