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Gig Haiku

Discussion in 'Bass Humor [DB]' started by Sam Sherry, Nov 25, 2002.


  1. Sam Sherry

    Sam Sherry Inadvertent Microtonalist Supporting Member

    Sep 26, 2001
    Portland, ME
    Euphonic Audio "Player"
    Thoughts from Steve Ryder
    Luthier and droll Maine wit
    Don't blame me for them!

    -------------------------

    Jam session bassist
    Observes fourteen soloists
    Contemplates murder

    Say, do you guys know
    "Wedding Song" by Kenny G?
    Buy the damn record

    Riffing on "Rudolph"
    Musicians in red and green
    Learn humility

    Best man pays sideman
    Revealing greed of leader
    Rebellion ensues

    I'm sending a sub
    But don't worry, he'll be fine
    He's fresh from rehab

    Solo pianist
    Freed from all constraints of form
    Heedlessly mangles

    Jazz nymphs crowd bandstand
    Offering carnal delights
    My alarm clock rings

    Double-timing bone
    Sounds like somebody chewing
    On a rubber band

    Free jazz temptation
    Strikes during the bride's first dance
    What Would Wynton Do?

    New Years revelers
    Here's hoping the stroke of twelve
    Sends you the hell home

    Checking out women
    High stages and low necklines
    Great combination

    A new world's record
    For choruses on "A Train"
    My band hates me now

    That plate of hors d'oeuvres
    Cost more than we're getting paid
    Think we underbid?

    Break time is over
    Rest of band is returning
    Now for that phone call

    Rock drummer, lounge keys
    Classically trained singer
    Welcome to sub hell

    God bless trust fund gigs
    Only have to eat ramen
    For a few more weeks
     
  2. Didn't read this piece
    It's way too long to ingest
    ZOMBIE HAIKU, RISE!
     
  3. Marcus Johnson

    Marcus Johnson

    Nov 28, 2001
    Maui
    That's great! Double-timing bone..... :D
     
  4. salcott

    salcott Supporting Member

    Aug 22, 2007
    NYC, Inwood.
    A trick for writing haiku is to use the A section from "Moonlight in Vermont"; 5-7-5 syllabic pattern.
     
  5. Priceless.
     
  6. Angrily he glares
    Thinks I play too many notes
    "Play the f***ing bass!"
     
  7. fdeck

    fdeck Supporting Member Commercial User

    Mar 20, 2004
    Madison WI
    HPF Technology LLC
    Dead air, damn dead air
    Bandleader flips through fake book
    Dancers clear the floor
     
  8. Menacewarf

    Menacewarf

    Mar 9, 2007
    Oregon
    Christmass party gig
    Instead of clapping weird looks
    So we took the booze
     
  9. Stan Haskins

    Stan Haskins

    Nov 17, 2005
    NY and Miami
    Last minute sub call
    never before seen the book
    missed accidentals
     
  10. fdeck

    fdeck Supporting Member Commercial User

    Mar 20, 2004
    Madison WI
    HPF Technology LLC
    Can you play Take Five?
    Bandleader looks to the band...
    "Never heard of it."
     
  11. fdeck

    fdeck Supporting Member Commercial User

    Mar 20, 2004
    Madison WI
    HPF Technology LLC
    "Just bring your upright"
    Outdoor gig, wicked load-in
    Just bring the Fender
     
  12. bobalew

    bobalew

    May 21, 2005
    Aledo, TX
    Never noticed that! Learned the tune 40 years ago and never noticed.
     
  13. leaving for a gig
    it's a high school musical
    better show up stoned
     
  14. Stan Haskins

    Stan Haskins

    Nov 17, 2005
    NY and Miami
    phone is still silent
    had so much work, now there's none
    dry spells last too long
     
  15. Menacewarf

    Menacewarf

    Mar 9, 2007
    Oregon
    Wicked funny!
     
  16. Stan Haskins

    Stan Haskins

    Nov 17, 2005
    NY and Miami
    Brahms for chamber group
    wind quintet must add string bass
    among christmas trees
     
  17. Sam Sherry

    Sam Sherry Inadvertent Microtonalist Supporting Member

    Sep 26, 2001
    Portland, ME
    Euphonic Audio "Player"
    What IS that rattle?
    What makes that quiet buzzing?
    Damn, let's look again!
     
  18. salcott

    salcott Supporting Member

    Aug 22, 2007
    NYC, Inwood.
    Up the subway stairs
    Upright, amp and speaker cab
    I must be crazy
     
  19. We're all nuts- oh yes
    Making big boxes make noise
    Often, unnoticed

    Often, way off-key
    The doghouse howls in pain
    Or so it might seem

    In my clumsy mitts
    The poor thing tries to escape
    Yet to no avail
     
  20. Jake deVilliers

    Jake deVilliers Commercial User

    May 24, 2006
    Crescent Beach, BC
    Owner of The Bass Spa, String Repairman at Long & McQuade Vancouver
    I'm with you man.....:(

    PS I really like your new tag line! :)