good joke!!

Discussion in 'Bass Humor [DB]' started by Jon Stefaniak, Sep 3, 2000.

  1. Jon Stefaniak

    Jon Stefaniak Supporting Member

    Sep 2, 2000
    Tokyo, Japan
    Funny joke about bass players. Can be turned on any instrumentalist.

    What do Bass Players get on their SAT's.



    can be used anyway
    What do ________
    players get on their SAT's.

    pull this one on your friends
  2. Hey, did you Hear about the Bass player who locked his keys in the car? It took a half hour to get the drummer out!

    Did you hear about the Bass player who was so out of tune his section noticed?

    A Bass player dies and goes to heaven (of course)When he gets to the pearly gates, St. Peter say,s "I see you are a Bass Player, we have an opening in the Divine Orchestra. Be at rehearsal at 7:00 tonight.He gets there and he sees a
    divine figure waving his arms around in a rehearsal room. The Bass player turns to another angel and say's "Who is that?" the angel says "Oh, that's God. Sometimes he likes to pretend he's Toscanini".
  3. ron_moore


    Aug 31, 2000
    Q: How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A: None. The keyboard player does it with his left hand.

    rim shot please!
  4. jazzbo


    Aug 25, 2000
    San Francisco, CA
    I thought the answer was:

  5. JohnL


    Sep 20, 2000
    Grayson, GA
    I tried to avoid it, but I may as well add a few more directed at OTHER members of the band:

    RE: Changing a light bulb:

    - How many lead singers? Only one, he hangs on and lets the rest of the world revolve around him.

    -How many drummers? None, they have machines that do it for them now.

    -How many lead guitarists? The light is off, but no one's home.

    -How many union roadies? got a problem with that?
  6. ~Loxley~

    ~Loxley~ Guest

    Apr 9, 2000
    Q- How many solo guitarists?

    A- Eleven. One to screw it in and ten others standing around telling each other how much better they could have done it. :)

    Now let's have a real oldie:

    Q- What do you call someone who hangs around a bunch of musicians?

    A- A drummer :D

  7. jvtwin

    jvtwin What it needs is a little more cowbell

    Jan 26, 2001
    LA Calif.
    Q: What do you call a drummer who lost his girlfriend?

    A: Homeless

    Q: How do you know when a drummer is knocking on your door?

    A: The knock gets progressively faster.

    (couldn't help myself)
  8. 72beetle


    Jun 10, 2001
    Phoenix, Arizona
    q: How many bass players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    a: 2, but you gotta get them in there first.

  9. rickbass

    rickbass Supporting Member

    How do you get a guitarist off of your porch?

    Tip him when you pay for the pizza.
  10. Chris Fitzgerald

    Chris Fitzgerald Student of Life Staff Member Administrator

    Oct 19, 2000
    Louisville, KY
    What's the difference between a professional musician and a large pizza?

    A large pizza can feed a family of four.
  11. Monte


    Jan 9, 2001
    New Albany, MS
    You're all ignoring the wind instruments. How about;
    Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn?
    A: Stick your hand in the bell and miss a lot of notes.

    Q: How do you get two soprano saxes to play in tune?
    A: Shoot one.

    Define a minor 2nd interval.
    A: 2 clarinets trying to play in unison.

    And my favorite drummer joke: A drummer got so depressed after being fired from the band for dragging the tempo that he went out and threw himself behind a train.

  12. erik II

    erik II

    Jul 11, 2000
    Oslo, Norway
    Or: Ten others standing around agreeing that the old one was better.
  13. Phhftt! thats because its a drummer! Its amazing he figured out how to actually get into the car in the first place! :p

  14. dhosek


    May 25, 2000
    Los Angeles, CA
    Warning: Potentially offensive content.

    So a bass guitarist and double bass player are walking down the street and the db guy falls into a big hole. Just a second, the bg guy says, let me run back to the van, I'll grab my fancy bass guitar and pull you out. He comes back grabs a hold of the bass guitar, the db guy grabs the neck and they manage to extricate him from the hole.

    BG guy runs back to the van, puts the bass guitar back in its case and the two continue walking down the street. A bit later the BG guy falls into another hole. Don't worry the DB guy says, I'll get you out, and he unzips his pants and lowers his enormous schlong into the hole. After much protesting, the BG guy finally grabs a hole of it and the DB guy pulls him out.

    And the moral of the story is, you don't need no bass guitar if you've got a big dick.

  15. whiteshadow


    Jul 3, 2001
    hahaha ::quick silence::
  16. hyperlitem

    hyperlitem Guest

    Jul 25, 2001
    Indianapolis, IN
    hahha i get it, if your a band nerd you have to make jokes to make people think you have a big manhood. hahahh

    of course you could do what my friend did and come over to the light side and play electric bass, but thats just a sugguestion.
  17. Chris Fitzgerald

    Chris Fitzgerald Student of Life Staff Member Administrator

    Oct 19, 2000
    Louisville, KY


    But if all of your friends did that, how would you ever get out of the hole?
  18. hyperlitem

    hyperlitem Guest

    Jul 25, 2001
    Indianapolis, IN
    wow chris!

    i wasn't trying to make anyone mad with that post, but you probably gave me the best answer to my post ive ever seen. I actually laughed out loud when i read that, nice come back.
  19. Chris Fitzgerald

    Chris Fitzgerald Student of Life Staff Member Administrator

    Oct 19, 2000
    Louisville, KY

    Why thank you. Like the old saying goes - if life hands you a lemon, make lemonade. If life hands you a "straight line",....

    No offense taken, and (I hope) none given. :cool:
  20. kcm


    Jun 17, 2000
    Woking, Surrey.
    How many roadies to change a lightbulb...