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Got a joke?

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by cobra prince, Sep 5, 2005.


  1. Hey doesanyone got a good joke? If you do post it here. Becuase evryone could use a good jkoke every know-and-then.


    Oh ya and it could be any joke here is one of my own:


    A electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft engineer are riding in the same car.
    Suddenly, the car breaks down and the engineers propose ideas to fix it.

    The electrical engineer sais that there may be a problem with the cars circuit, lets find broken links.

    The chemical engineer sais that maybe there is a fuel leak, lets find it.

    Finally, the Microsoft engineer sais: lets close all the windows, get out, and then get back in.
    :eyebrow: :D :) :eyebrow: :D :)
     
  2. Matt Till

    Matt Till

    Jun 1, 2002
    Edinboro, PA
    Did you really come up with that? It's not bad.
     
  3. Yo' mama's so nasty she got kicked out of Red Lobster for bringing her own crabs.


    :Rimshot:
     
  4. Here's something cool...

     
  5. JimmyM

    JimmyM Supporting Member

    Apr 11, 2005
    Apopka, FL
    Endorsing: Ampeg Amps, EMG Pickups
    You're no guy! Way to sell out your own gender.
     
  6. Redneck joke incoming:










    So a canadien walks into a redneck bar, gets some wierd looks, whatever right?

    Goes up to the bar, and asks for a glass of wine,
    bartender goes"Wine, where da hell are you from?"
    Canadien "Canada"
    Bartender: "So what do you do up there in canada?"
    Canadien: "I'm a taxidermy(sp?)"
    Bartender: "So you drive them little yella cars 'round at airports?"
    Canadien: "No, I mount animals"
    Bartender shouts: "IT'S OK GUYS, HE'S ONE OF US!"
     
  7. yep yep, he sold us out.



    Most of that stuff applies to me. :rollno:
     
  8. peabody

    peabody Supporting Member

    Oct 31, 2002
    La Crosse, WI
    Southern humor (you have to say the joke out loud to make it work)

    Two guys from the South were talking. The first one says to the other, "I heard your boy is fixin' to go to college. Where's he goin'"
    The other replies, "Yale".
    The first man replies, "OK, if you say so...WHERE'S YOUR BOY FIXIN' TO GO TO COLLEGE!?!"


    Music Humor
    What note do you get if you drop a grand piano down a mine shaft?
    "A" Flat Minor

    I got a million of 'em.....
     
  9. ::::BASSIST::::

    ::::BASSIST:::: Progress Not Perfection.

    Sep 2, 2004
    Vancouver, BC Canada
    This guy comes home oblivious to why his wife is all dressed up. He asks, "Uh, what's happening?" She says "Its our Anniversary. Don't tell me you forgot. You had better bring me to somewhere expensive."

    He says "Dont worry I got it covered."

    Ten minutes later they drive up to the local gas station.


    yeah, thats it. I know its lame, but fitting for these high cost energy times. :p
     
  10. Redneck's last words....


    "Hold mah beer, watch dis"
     
  11. tiredman9

    tiredman9

    Aug 15, 2005
    New York
    Great Thread. I dont got any good jokes on me but here is a cheesy dumb blonde joke


    So a blonde is sitting in economy class on a plane from LA to New York. A fat old man gets up from his seat in first class to go to the bathroom and she sees this through the curtains. All of a sudden, she runs up and takes his seat. He comes back and says "Mam please get out of my seat." She refuses and he goes and gets the waitress. The watress says "Mam, please get out of this gentleman's seat." The blonde still refuses to get up. So the waitress gets the co-piot who says "Mam, get out of this seat now or I will get the pilot." She says "No." again and he goes back to the cockpit and a minute later the pilot comes to the seat and whispers something in the blonde woman's ear. She runs back to her seat. The waitress then asks the pilot what he said to her and the pilot says "I just told here that first class was flying to Boston not New York."


    and heres a chessy weather reporter joke.

    A group of indians on a remote reservation in Washington state ask there chief if the winter will be cold or not. He does not know because the ancient ways of predicting that the old chiefs used have been lost. So he guesses so as not to seem to be a fool and says it will be a bit cold. So they go collect wood. The chief then finds a payphone and calls the weatherman. He asks the weatherman how cold the upcoming winter will be. The weatherman says pretty cold. So the chief tells his people to get more wood. Then he calls the weatherman again a week later and the weatherman says it will be an extremely cold winter. The chief naturally tels his people to get more wood. Then another week passes and the chief calls again and the weather reporter says it will be unbearably cold. So the chief tells his people to get as much wood as possible. Then a week later the chief calls again and says "Do you have any new information on how cold this winter will be?" The weatherman then says "Yes! It will be one of the coldest winters ever." The chief says "Ohh" and then asks "How do you know this?" and the weather reporter says "The Native Americans are collecting wood like crazy!"
     

  12. Man, I laughed incredibly hard at that.Here are some more redneck jokes...



    What do you call 182 legs and 8 teeth?








    The front row of a Garth Brooks concert.





    What do you call a bunch of redneck having an orgy???








    A family reunion.


    Music Jokes.



    What do you call a blues drummer?




    A metronome.



    How do you know female singer is knocking at your door?




    When she cant find the key and doesnt know when to come in.
     
  13. hey thanks for the jokes guys they are great.

    keep them coming in!!
     
  14. Sippy

    Sippy

    Aug 1, 2005
    Stuart,Florida
    LOL this should piss a few people off

    there was an Angels fan, Dodgers fan, Red sox fan and Yankee fan on top of a mountain. They were talking and wanted to prove that they are the ultimate fan. So the Angel's fan screams "This is for Anaheim!" and jumps off the mountain. Then the Dodgers fan screams "And this is for the L.A. Dodgers!" and jumps off.. then the red sox fan says "And this is for everybody else!" And throws the yankees fan off!! LOL GO Sox!
     
  15. Three midgets from the circus decide to go to the Guinness Book of World Records; one thinks he has the smallest hands, one thinks he has the smallest feet, and one thinks he has the smallest penis in the world.

    Upon entering, the fellow who thinks he has the smallest hands goes in first, and after a few moments he comes out ecstatic proclaiming he has the smallest hands in the world.

    The midget who supposedly has the smallest feet in the world goes in next, comes out all happy and excited saying he has the smallest feet in the world.

    The midget with the smallest penis in the world goes in next, and he comes out sobbing. The other two midgets ask whats wrong, did you win?!

    The midget replies through his tears - Have you ever heard of AerospaceGuy?






    sorry i couldnt resist, just throw your best pals name in there and see what happens
     
  16. Hey thanks for the jokes and keep them coming here is anoter




    Things you would like to say at work
    1. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

    2. And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

    3. Do I look like a people person?

    4. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

    5. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

    6. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

    7. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

    8. You!... Off my planet!

    9. Does your train of thought have a caboose?

    10. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

    11. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

    12. A PBS mind in an MTV world.

    13. Allow me to introduce my selves.

    14. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

    15. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

    16. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

    17. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

    18. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

    19. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

    20. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

    21. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

    22. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

    23. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

    24. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

    25. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

    26. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. :hyper:
     
  17. Here's my current favorite (I think it was in Maxim) ...

    What do you call a Black guy who flies planes for a living?












    A pilot you F****** racist! :D
     
  18. Nice one guy
     
  19. What do you call two saxes playing in unison?




    A minor third....




    How can you tell the trombonist kid at the playground?






    He's the one who can't swing and doesn't know how to use the slide....




    What has three legs and an as*hole






    A drum stool....




    Didja hear about the bass player who lock his key's in his car?



    Took three hours to get the drummer out....



    What does a drummer and a philospher have in common?



    They both preceive time as an abstract concept....




    What's the difference between a girl lead singer and a pit bull?




    Lipstick....




    How do you stop the spread of AIDS?



    Let BMG distribute it....




    Whats the difference between a bassist and a large pizza?



    A large pizza can feed a family of four...


    I'm out :)
     
  20. Dude get some kewl jokes