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growing apart?

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by lilbassgirl, Oct 1, 2004.

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  1. silly highschool relationships. sure, they aren't meant to last long, but sometimes they do. now, it's one week before we hit one year. everything seems fine, i get the "i love you" thing all the time as usual. we're talking and we get to talking about why he's been a little more mean, and get over it,its just how we play around. but then it goes to "we've grown into two different people." guys thats the worst thing to say. anyways, he still loves me, but not in a romantic way as much as he did before *but he still loves me romanticly some*...i dont get it. we went through this about a month ago, and he decided that he did in fact love me and blah blah blah. but now its back to "no i dont", i though that not being able to make up your mind was the girls job. any help on explaining?

    what can i do to fix things? this isn't what should be, i know deep inside he knows that too. maybe he's afraid? i dont know, he's a fellow bass-player; maybe you guys all have the same mind set on this. please, help me out here.
  2. Dan Molina

    Dan Molina TalkBass Secular Progressive

    Jul 17, 2002
    Murr Town, California
    imo, it shouldn't be fixed. Get out now before you become more attached. My ex just broke up with me in April after a year and a half together. I still feel horrible when I hear what she's done with other guys...
  3. Marlat


    Sep 17, 2002
    London UK
    Is there something in the water this week?

    FWIW its not worth trying to fix something that is already broken beyond repair. You are better off separating and if in time, you come back together then so be it.
  4. Bruce Lindfield

    Bruce Lindfield Unprofessional TalkBass Contributor Gold Supporting Member

    This must be about the very worst place to ask for advice, that I could possibly think of, in this case ....!! ;)
  5. kserg


    Feb 20, 2004
    London, UK
    He is a guy... guys are dumb...


    He just wants to fight and have make-up sex... because make-up sex is the best!
  6. That and he obviously does care about you but he's a teenage guy. You know what all the stereotypes say. He probably does love you but that doesn't stop him from lusting the next girl that walks by. Either he has to grow out over it or find some way to ignore it, or else you've just gotta tell him to get lost. He'll start breaking up, dating other girls then coming back to you if you let him. Tell him straight up that if he genuinely wants you then he has to show it and keep showing it. If he doesn't, let him know that its better to end it now than to continue hurting you both.

    FYI, I've been in and out of a 4-year relationship and I'm 19. It has taken me this long to finally make a decision on what I'm doing. Don't get me wrong, I've had great times during the 4 years, but there have been some horrible periods because of my indecisiveness, too. Make a decision, and if its stay together, stick to it and do everything you two can do to make it work. If you choose to break up, don't try to be friends until you both know you can handle it. Otherwise things will just get more messed up (trust me).

  7. Hollow Man

    Hollow Man Supporting Member

    Apr 28, 2003
    Springfield, VA
    Let it go. When these things start getting cyclical, it's just a downward spiral.
  8. McHack


    Jul 29, 2003
    Central Ohio!

    Speaking from experience, if it isn't working... then don't force it... Saying "I love you" is MUCH different than actually having someone be in love with you.

    Alot of guys, especially young guys use the whole "I love you" line as a means to get sex. So, if he's treating you badly, but still throws that line out at you, he's manipulating you... Thing is, he's probably young & inexperienced enough to actually believe it when he says he loves you.

    This is NOT a bad thing, & I'm sure you've done nothing wrong... I urge you to think about what YOU need for YOUR life & future... Relationships come & go. They are NOT the single point of purpose in your life. If they are, you're not focusing on yourself,,, you're focusing on HIM... Be good to YOU!
  9. and it is done, he wont talk about it even. the most i got out of it was that i was being like his mom, and that was from a friend of ours. he loves me...but wont be with me. fine, i guess its just time to give up, if he comes back i'm all arms open.

    some of his good freinds have noticed that he's been different. like a he's in this "I'm right and awesome, no matter what people tell me" thing. he claims all the girls want him just because his little sister's friend thinks he's cute. but they dont. all people have tpo say to me about him now is that he's a jerk, and how mean he was to them. i still see the happy, funny, loving guy deep inside. what could this phase be? does he think he's "becomming a man" finally?
  10. No, it means that he has ego problems and that you can no longer fulfill them. Ego is a horrible thing - and a major problem in many guys. While he needs constant reinforcement from girls (and different girls at that) he's going to be a very lonely and sad person. Take comfort from that. You'll find someone else and chances are he will too - but he won't be happy until he addresses his real issues. You just need to realise that he's obviously an immature boy and while you two may have been through a lot, you said yourself that he has changed anyway. Therefore, while you may not be with him anymore, even if he came back he wouldn't be the same person. Move on and enjoy life. Living well is the best revenge and all that jazz.

  11. xyllion

    xyllion Commercial User

    Jan 14, 2003
    San Jose, CA, USA
    Owner, Looperlative Audio Products
    Ok, maybe I'm a grumpy middle-aged man, but why are people asking for relationship advice from a bunch of faceless bass geeks?

    Ok, but since you asked, here is my brutally honest answer. You are a TEENAGER. You don't know who you are yet. 1 YEAR is not a long time. I'm 40 years old and the thing I know is that over time we all change. We change a huge amount as teenagers and even in our 20s. Don't go looking for a life-long companion. Just have fun. Get to know yourself. Once you have a firm understanding of who you are and you can be happy without anyone, then you will meet someone and if they are the right person, you will know it.

    Never force a relationship to continue. You are not married. You are both going through tons of changes. Flow with the changes.

    Remember that you have a long life ahead of you. Enjoy the moment. Don't stress over things that aren't meant to be. When you get to be my age, you will learn to appreciate that life is too precious to be wasted worrying about what went wrong.
  12. "Lay down my darling, Love ain't for keeping"
  13. +1

  14. So true. Of course, it's usually harder to do when you're faced with the situation...
  15. Mike Money

    Mike Money Banned

    Mar 18, 2003
    Bakersfield California
    Avatar Speakers Endorsing Hooligan
    Why not make a thread about it?
  16. Mike Money

    Mike Money Banned

    Mar 18, 2003
    Bakersfield California
    Avatar Speakers Endorsing Hooligan
    And he's probably just highly amused that all his little sisters friends want him... So he is going to milk all the humor he can out of it, then drop it.

    "what can i do to fix things? this isn't what should be, i know deep inside he knows that too. maybe he's afraid? i dont know, he's a fellow bass-player; "

    Afraid? No... maybe he just flat out doesn't want a girlfriend at the moment.

    You come off like you thought it was gonna be "forever" or something... And even if you don't want it to be "forever", then you should get over it. i wasnt what you wanted anyways.
  17. u were what i wanted and still are what i want.:-/
  18. Dan Molina

    Dan Molina TalkBass Secular Progressive

    Jul 17, 2002
    Murr Town, California
    Mike Money?
  19. Old news man...
  20. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    :rolleyes: oh brother, take it to pm. this isn't sweet valley high school.

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