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Hard to Say Goodbye

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by jazz5757, Mar 2, 2004.

  1. I'm sure I'm not the only one that's been in this position before. After 2 years with my current band I'm ready to call it quits. Why? Lot's of reasons, playing too many gigs, too many crappy gigs, too many crappy songs and a reluctance to ditch songs and arrangements that just aren't working out....but more importantly, for the most part it's just not fun anymore and I don't feel challenged. I suppose I've stayed because of some kind of loyalty and of course for the "buddy factor"----I've know the keyboard player for over 25 years and I like everyone else---it's my biggest social outlet and it's hard to let go.

    Any words of wisdom?
  2. Man, if you are uninspired and not challenged, ditch it. You have to grow, and if you are stagnating go. There are no friends and loyalty in this regaurd. Do whats going to inspire and make you grow as a musician. Live your life, not someone else's. Sounds like you have outgrow this outfit and are ready to move on. Do it and don't feel guilty, otherwise you are wasting your time. Go for it. If they are mates of yours, well shurely they should understand your reasons for leaving. Doesn't mean you are not going to stop being their friend???
  3. Thanks man, it's all stuff I know in my head, but sometimes it's just tough to act on it....I'm almost there.
  4. Sounds like you have been playing bass for a while. You won't have a problem hooking up with other players. Maybe you can hook up the old keyboardist you played with in the new outfit you are seeking? (if you enjoy playing with him) Or do ya want a clean break?
  5. Yeah, 33 years of playing (luckily nobody thinks I'm actually 46!).... Got an offer a few months ago to re-unite with a group I played with 15 years ago....the music is more to my liking (heavier), but the main thing is that they are dedicated to plaing the songs RIGHT and very tightly, quite unlike my current gig. My keyboard player/friend was in that group 15 years ago and was invited to join (we've both been rehearsing with them on the side), but my friend bailed out (he cited personal reasons, but I know better, he's just too lazy to learn the songs right---you all know this kind of guy---he's a million laughs to be around but when it comes to playing he's content with doing things half-assed. That and the fact that the new group wants to play only once or twice a month at most, compared to every weekend. I'd like to play more, but I'd rather play less at something I like than to play too much at something I'm bored with. I know, I know, this should be a no-brainer----it's like stale relationships---I always "hang-in-there" too long....and then kick myself later.
  6. Start playing gigs with your new band and invite your keyboard mate along to the gig and he will see its cooking, you know. He might come around. sounds like the old band you are playing with know you are jammin with this new band? Good. That might spur them along knowing that you might be leaving them. If not, there are alot of muso's out there and it's not like your keyboard mate you have known for years is left in the dark! They have been fairly warned be thee says I, Go forth mate!
  7. They're all pretty content to slog through the same boring gigs for the sake of easy cash. I've got hooked on the extra cash as well.....but if I have to walk away now I can be content knowing I got a '59 p, a '66 p and an Aguilar DB750 for my effort....besides a bit 'o fun in the process.
  8. Well I know what you are saying. Do you rergularly learn new tunes, because the only way a band of 2 years is going to stay together and keep it fresh is by playing new tunes. You get so used to players after 2 years. You know what they are going to do, they express the same melodic ideas ect,ect. If you stick with them, maybe tell them to learn some tunes out side the comfort zone, and spice it up. so that its new.
  9. I feel pretty much the same way about the band I've been in for the last 6 years. We've become what I call "Musical Prostitutes". Just going through the motions and collecting cash at the end of the "job". What's keeping me from leaving? Well, I'll admit to being trapped in a comfort level because I know all the tunes and not really certain if I want to start over with a new group at this time. (I'll be 46 later this year too.) Maybe I'm just waiting for someone else to call it quick and force my hand. I dunno......
    I just remember a quote from John Entwistle when someone asked if he ever got tired of playing the same songs...his response: "Well, I know how they all go."
  10. Sundogue


    Apr 26, 2001
    Wausau, WI
    Yeah, I've been there too. Although I was booted from a band and decided to call it (gigging) quits for good. I'm 43 and the constant playing every weekend was tiring...and uninspiring.

    But, thankfully I'm into a new band now that will only play out once a month...mostly for the sake of having fun playing music we enjoy. It's much better to move on and find something musically inspiring.

    It's like getting a new life...which at our age, we can't really turn down, now can we?

    Go for it. It will make you feel 10 years younger...and mucho happier!!!
  11. Joe Nerve

    Joe Nerve Supporting Member

    Oct 7, 2000
    New York City
    Endorsing artist: Musicman basses
    there are a lot of details i'm sure i don't know, but given what you've written, this is what i believe i'd do in that situation.

    i'd tell the current band that i can't handle it anymore. i'm bored, i don't want to play crappy gigs, and i don't want to play as much. the only way i can CONTINUE to play with you guys is if you cut out the crap gigs, only take the good ones, and don't mind if i play with other bands cuz i'm gonna play with other bands no matter what. then i'd start auditioning for and playing with other bands (including the one you mentioned). i'd say it all much more nicely, and with greater detail of course - but that would be the point.

    current band would either boot me, or start getting their stuff in gear. either way i win if my goal is to move forward. i've felt as you've said in The Nerve! at times, and i simply joined other bands. because of that i believe it put a fire under the othe main guys butt and we started really moving along. if nothing had changed in The Nerve! the other bands would have taken it's place and i'd have quit. now we both play in The Nerve! AND other bands and we're always happy. always. we never ever ever feel sad. never. :)
  14. Sundogue you've made my day!!!! I'm ready for the change and hoping that playing once a month or so, as opposed to every weekend, will actually bring back the enthusiasm for playing the gig.

    But on a bigger scale----happiness is what it's all about---I got married again last summer, but it's a rare weekend indeed that my wife and I get to share together (she comes to a lot of gigs, but it's just not the same)...I hoping we can really enjoy this summer together and making the band change will open up a lot of time for us (hell, we can't even get in a weekend getaway). I think Don Henly got it right, I don't know the quote exactly but you know the line---"there's only so many springs and so many summers, baby". I better enjoy before it's too late..
  15. RicPlaya


    Apr 22, 2003
    The Mitten
    Why do you play bass? It may have changed since you started doing it. I play bass because I love it, not too many people can do it, and it's challenging for me. We play once a month always a different bar so we dont stagnate, we always are out to impress, it forces us to grow musically, and so my girlfriend won't dump me. You play not very often you make the most of every gig, every song. It gives you time to pay attention to detail, practice, get better. Gigging every week is cool for some people but you get burned out, the bars do, your following does, and it seems the bands that play a lot hack the songs more because they never have time to practice because they always play and get sloppy. Not all bands but A LOT! I'd do the same in your shoes, I mean hacking songs, going through the motions that refects you too since your in the band with them. There is nothing wrong with rethinking what you want to do with music and to change your circumstances if it isn't up to your standards. You not happy with hacking tunes, playing the same crappy hacked songs and not updating your material, dude I would of been outta there a long time ago, friends or not. Like I said it also refects you how the whole band performs.
  16. RicPlaya----thanks for your thoughts, they're right on the money---it's good to hear those words because they re-inforce the thoughts I've had for quite a while.....it seems we all have different tolerances for remaining in stagnant situations, but those differences don't change the fact that we aren't enjoying what we're doing and that we're better off for moving on----and that if we don't we're doing a disservice to ourselves and everyone else.
  17. RicPlaya


    Apr 22, 2003
    The Mitten
    Good luck in your endeavors..... my pleasure!
  18. Munjibunga

    Munjibunga Total Hyper-Elite Member Gold Supporting Member

    May 6, 2000
    San Diego (when not at Groom Lake)
    Independent Contractor to Bass San Diego
    Just do it. It'll feel like you finally let the fart you've been holding in for two years.

  19. Nice 1 Champ! funny. I gonna use that one! :D

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