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help! best friend's dad just died

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by TheBadPassenger, Mar 14, 2003.

  1. TheBadPassenger


    Mar 7, 2003
    pretty much everyone has had to deal with this kind of situation at one time or another (i'm assuming) so i figured i would ask for some advice on here...

    Blake's (my best friend) dad has always been the "cool dad" that everyone goes to for advice or to just talk to whenever. he was the most awesome guy and it seemed like he had everything going for him... a brand new house, a good job, a loving family that got along really well, the American dream. maybe it was just a fascade because he committed suicide this afternoon. he left a note... but all it said was "I'm sorry. I love you." needless to say, Blake is beyond upset. when he told me, i was at a total loss for words and still am. i drove over to his house immediately and listened to him. i try to find the words to comfort Blake, but nothing seems right. i finally sang him to sleep just awhile ago and i know that i have to help him cope somehow.

    please, if anyone has any advice on how to help him deal with his father's suicide, i would greatly appreciate it. i can barely hold myself together, let alone think of how to help Blake.
  2. Well, for one, watch him like a hawk. Parents' suicides can often trigger suicidal depression in their kids.
  3. Airsick Pilot

    Airsick Pilot Cleopatra

    Jul 29, 2002
    Cockpit(throwing up)
    Yeah what he said. And always be there for your friend especially at a time like this. Give him all the emotional support he can get.
  4. Being there is all you can do for your friend. He will need a lot of help and support, and I guess a lot fo understanding as he thrashes through a string of emotions, anger, bitterness, sadness, depression. These might repeat.

    My best friend's father died, unexpectedly - from a suicide. My friend's mum had passed away after a long hard fight with leukemia. His father found he could not bear life without her, and several months later was dead.

    At his mum's funeral ,I found I was able to say the right thing's - wehatever they are. At his father's funeral I couldn't, didn't know what to say.

    But sometimes it's what you don't say that matters - actions speak louder than words - be there, be understanding. You'll be able to gauge from your friend what he needs and what he wants.

    All the best to you, and condolences to your friend and his family - this will be a hard time for them all!
  5. yoshi


    Jul 12, 2002
    England, London
    Ive a freind whos dad commited suicide before I knew him (about 5 years ago i beleive). Fortunatly for him, he began to hang about with one of my other freinds whos heavily religous (for an 18 year old English male) and got involved in relgion which seemed to have help him.

    Ever since I knew him, he's acted like everyone else around me, and I only found out when a freind told me to tread carefully when talking about parents. My point isn't that he chose to exclude it, but more that he has emerged a happy, fulfilled youth (considering circumstances).

    I honestly dont know how Id cope in the situation, but I'm not sure if being watched like a hawk would help, even though I strongly see where the reasoning comes from.

    Just try to treat him the way you normally did, but whack the buddy-o-meter up a few notches.

    Would it be a good idea for me to ask my freind (cautoucsly) who has been in a similar situauton for guidance for Blake?
  6. just be there for him. be his friend. never pass judgement. hear him out. he is in for a long, extremely hard road. and the depression will be severe. he may take the chance and try it himself since dad did it. the hardest thing in the world to deal with is suicide. or even attempted suicide. the anger consumes you. i had a family member who tried and the anger consumed me for a long time. it still does at times. i want to pick up the phone adn just scream at him about it. never thought my brother was capable of it. thank god all turned out ok. then you stay scared it will happen again. his dad succeeded and his pain and anger and not being able to understand will really weigh him down. the depression will be great. and he will wonder if he did something to make him do it. he will also wonder if his dad ever loved him. in his mind he will believe his dad would not have done that if he loved him. which is not true. so hear him out. you may get tired of hearing it, however, he needs to talk. repeat himself as many times, and then talk. and he may say things to you to hurt you. do not take anything to heart what he says. he may fear any closeness around him. you are a good friend to come and get advice like you are to help him. and we are here when you need to talk. sounds like you really cared for this man also. your hurt and not understanding is there also. my prayers go to your friends family and to you hon. take care of yourself. :(
  7. He will probably start to act like a different person....it is just his way of coping with things.....just let him deal with it in his own way and be there for him when he needs to talk or whatever......and dont let him blame his self!
  8. PeaveyTNT

    PeaveyTNT Banned

    Jul 21, 2002
    Well, I have had to talk a friend of mine out of suicide multiple times, but have never actually had to deal with helping someone get through one.

    Definitly just be there to listen. Don't interrupt him, let him ramble on for hours if it is necessary. If he says something and he agrees with it, and then he asks you if you agree, agree with him.

    Probably the best way of doing this is by being on the same side of the fence as him as much as you possibly can.