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Help me! I have been kicked out of the band!

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by Marley's Ghost, Mar 18, 2005.

  1. Marley's Ghost

    Marley's Ghost Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 9, 2002
    Tampa, FL
    Help me! I have been kicked out of the band! (long rant)

    This has truly been one of the most bizarre experiences of my musical life.

    Some background info – we are a rock cover band in our 30's and 40's, and have been together since 6/04. I formed the band with the guitarist and singer/drummer. We added a keyboard player in 7/04, and then a drummer in 12/04. We finally finished out set list and were polishing up vocals and such to get ready to play out.

    Things apparently came to a head about a week ago, when the keyboard player IM’d me saying he was going to miss rehearsal on Sunday because he had to watch his kids. This was like the 3rd one in the past 2 months he missed for that reason. I offered to have my 13 yr old daughter babysit for free ( I was gonna pay her) so he could make it. He never responded. The next day, I get a call from the lead singer (whose house we rehearse at) that the keyb player called him and quit. (This is the second time he quit. The first time was over differences over volume levels last summer) The singer said that he wanted to quit too so he was breaking up the band, and I should come by and get my stuff. I went to his house on Sun and my rig and PA were packed up in the garage. He told me he was sick of the key guy quitting, and wanted to take time off to do other stuff. When I got home, I called the drummer and guitarist, and they said they had gotten calls from the singer also, but without much other info.

    On Monday, I found out from the drummer that the singer felt I was the cause of the key player leaving and had decided to bring in another bass player! He did not consult anyone, but just told them all to come to the next rehearsal in 2 weeks and the new bass player will be there. The drummer and guitarist are upset about the way this was handled, but they too do not want to give up on all we worked so hard for. I had a long talk with the key player. He was angry at me for what he felt was “pressure” to come to rehearsal and still not happy about volume levels. After some explaining, I think we worked things out. I am really not inclined to call the singer, since he was blatantly dishonest with me. The drummer is going to speak with the singer tomorrow and try to settle things. The strange thing is, 2 weeks ago we were practically holding hands and singing Kumbaya. ***? What would you do? Would you go back? I have 9 months invested in this band. I picked quite a few of the songs. I burned everyone CD’s so they had the tracks to learn. I recorded the rehearsals. I spent 1200 bucks to buy a PA. This really sucks.

    The big problem is that around this area, there are not a lot of bands or skilled musicians. It is really hard to start again.
  2. Sorry to tell you man, but *@#% happens.

    Talking it over certainly helps. See if there is anything you could do to make it up to them if you want to be in the band so badly.

    Sorry if I couldn't be of anymore help. Feel free to IM me if you want to talk more.

    Edit: On the other hand, don't listen to me. I've only been in 2 bands, and never been kicked out of one. Yet.
  3. AlembicBob


    Dec 28, 2004
    MA, US
    I suppose the question is why everyone would stick with the singer instead of with you? As long as they would do that, you're the odd man out. Getting it back together may work, but it also may be delaying the inevitable. Do your best to make other musical contacts through gigs and what have yo uso that you're in a better position to find a new situation. Out here, many players are in 2-3 groups at the same time playing different types of music. That provides more contacts and more resilience in the event one of them doesn't work out.

    Good luck, and keep your head screwed on straight whatever happens. DOn't do anything you don't want to do.
  4. Munjibunga

    Munjibunga Total Hyper-Elite Member Gold Supporting Member

    May 6, 2000
    San Diego (when not at Groom Lake)
    Independent Contractor to Bass San Diego
    So offer to rent the PA to them and run sound at their gigs for $100 a night.
  5. Marley's Ghost

    Marley's Ghost Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 9, 2002
    Tampa, FL
    We (they) have a sound company lined up for gigs. My PA was for rehearsals. I wasn't in it for the money, I make plenty in my day job. I just wanna play. :bassist:

    The thing that really ticks me off is the juvenile way it was handled by the singer. The key player and singer did not have the courage to air out issues. I would try to invite everyone over for band meetings and those two would never show up. And then to tell me that the band is breaking up to get me to remove my stuff from the studio. Puhleeze :rollno: I know 14 year olds with more integrity.
  6. Corbis

    Corbis Guest

    Feb 19, 2003
    Wamego KS
    I second this idea. If you start renting out your PA I bet you could find a band really easy if you just talk to the bands telling them you a bassist that looking for a band and if they know anyone who needs one. Just make sure you make it clear your not trying to steal THEIR bass players postion......that could be bad :D
  7. Marley's Ghost

    Marley's Ghost Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 9, 2002
    Tampa, FL
    The PA is ok for rehearsals, but not big enough for live sound. The drummer and the guitarist are going to meet tomorrow, and try to pull things back together. We'll see. The new bass player is apparently learning our list and is supposed to come in 4/3.
  8. jayzarecki


    Feb 23, 2005
    san diego, CA
    i woudl take the drummer/g-player with you, AND the PA. and find a new singer.... cant be that hard...other than that i agree with teh renting the pA thing...ask for a deposit though af 500.
  9. RiddimKing


    Dec 29, 2004
    I'd quietly go my own way...and just wait. It sounds to me like a couple of these guys have some serious ego/socialization problems that aren't going to be resolved by your departure. Give them 3 months: they'll break up, and the ones you want to play with will be calling you to get something going again.
  10. Rockgurl


    Dec 17, 2004
    CT, USA
    I feel for you, man. That's happened to me before, and it just plain sucks. You can be in a band that really gels musically, but personalities clash. Sounds like your singer is not being very nice. Do you really want to be in a band with him if he doesn't respect you and treat you like a friend? He should recognize the contribution you made and value your part in the band. He'll soon realize that good bass players are not easy to come by. Move on.
  11. Yeah, I'd try to take everyone along with you, and leave the singer. He sounds like a jerk.
  12. The drummer is going to speak with the singer tomorrow and try to settle things.

    Negative. The singer is clearly a treacherous lying sack of excrement. Settling things with him is nothing but postponing problems that you'll have to deal with later anyway. Bad chemistry = bad music.

    Find or form a new band, and see if the drummer and guitar player want to go with you. Personally, I'm of the opinion that if a "singer" isn't also playing an instrument, he's half of what he needs to be anyway. Dime a dozen. Leave the keyboardist and singer to each other.
  13. Stinsok

    Stinsok Supporting Member

    Dec 16, 2002
    Central Alabama
    You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells.
  14. Guys in their 30's and 40's acting like 7th grade girls... :scowl:

    Sorry man, good luck finding some good guys to play with.
  15. You are all adults. One guy passing on this to this guy routine won't work (communication wise), you ALL have to sit down together and everyone gets their say, then you all work it out together. otherwise it will be destined to be doomed
  16. Planet Boulder

    Planet Boulder Hey, this is a private residence...man

    Nov 10, 2001
    6,482 feet above sea level
    I once had impure thoughts. Oh, and I pluck my ear hair.
    A singer running a band = recipe for disaster.

    Note: I'm half-joking as I realize that this is a generalization. Don't skewer me, please. :D
  17. DaveDeVille

    DaveDeVille ... you talkin' to me ?? Supporting Member

    + 1 ...
    i personally don't mind sitting in for bands that i don't really like { i know , i'm a whore } , but if your'e trying to make it as a full time band ,
    dump the singer and keyboard player ... sounds like the drummer and guitar player are already on board with you .
    JMO , i could be wrong ...
  18. Woodchuck


    Apr 21, 2000
    Atlanta (Grant Park!)
    Gallien Krueger for the last 12 years!
  19. brianrost

    brianrost Gold Supporting Member

    Apr 26, 2000
    Boston, Taxachusetts
    I couldn't continue to work with a backstabber like your singer, so it's just as well that you are out.

    I would have no problem with talking to the other guys in the band about reforming with a new singer.
  20. xshawnxearthx


    Aug 23, 2004
    new jersey
    there is a few sides that you can take on this.

    me. i have been on the "shady ways of kicking people out of bands" side before. well. it wasnt really shady, the dude spit on our crowd while we were playing. he came into the studio and all his gear was already taken down and all off to the side for him. needless to say he was not happy, but hey, whats best for the band.

    obviously this keyboard player has a problem with you. and thats what it all comes down to. maybe when you looked to far into his kids needing sitting he took offense to that. if someone in my band had to cancel for a reason like that(tho non of us have kids so) i wouldnt be upset and question him. there is obviously something else that he needed to do other then watch his kids, which is why he got all defensive when you said you would have your kid watch his.