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Help me. I lack chick skills.

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by PeaveyTNT, Mar 5, 2003.


  1. PeaveyTNT

    PeaveyTNT Banned

    Jul 21, 2002
    USA
    I lack chick skills.

    I am a gutless nerd. If I even see a girl I like start talking to another guy, I just start thinking that she is going out with him thus giving me no chance at all. I do not know what to say when I am approached by the opposite sex. I don't know what to say when I approach them. When I finally work up the gumption to go and speak with the fine young lady, I usually just say something retarded then run off like I was just being an ass.

    I went into my High School not knowing anyone. For the first few weeks, I calmly sat down at lunch, off by myself, ate my pizza, drank my slurpie, and continued to read through my Peavey producty guide.

    My last girlfriend cheated on me and dumped me on valentines 02. As you can see, I have been out of the game for awhile. Me and my last girlfriend, niether of us really asked the other out, people just started treating us like we were dating, so we started going along with it.

    I am usually broke, so I cannot really take a girl anywhere. I don't know if paying is really that much of an issue, but I like to pay. Gives me a false sense of self-worth or something

    Anyways, there is this one chick that my dad has been trying to set me up with. (I know, pathetic.) Her legs... damn! Eyes... DAMN! Smile... DAMN! Butt... DAMN! Problem: I only see her at hockey games when me and my dad are walking around during the intermissions and her mom and my dad start talking. We just sorta stand there... pretending to stare at stuff or to be watching a T.V.

    She has given me no hint that she is at all interested in overweight, low confidence, hair-cut needing me. I of course have made the occasional eye contact, a little smile here and there... But I cannot get a word out of her and she makes no attempt to talk to me. I have no clue what to say to her. I could talk music, but I would go off on how great a song "War Pigs" is and she would probably be confused. We could talk about movies, but I have a tendency to criticize them all. I could say how cool you all are, but that turns me into a pc nerd.

    I just need a conversation starter... I think having a girlfriend would really help me manage myself. It would calm me down a lot more, and I probably wouldn't get so psyco mad over everything.

    Advice please :D

    :bassist:
     
  2. SoComSurfing

    SoComSurfing Mercedes Benz Superdome. S 127. R 22. S 12-13.

    Feb 15, 2002
    Mobile, Al
     
  3. Ívar Þórólfsson

    Ívar Þórólfsson Mmmmmm... Supporting Member

    Apr 9, 2001
    Kopavogur, Iceland
    If you don´t mind PeaveyTNT, I would also like to add that one really doesn´t get anywhere if he doesn´t take a chance.

    Who knows, this girl might like you, and she might not. The only way to find out is to try talk to her/ask her out. If she doesn´t like you, well, then there are other fish in the sea.

    Also as Socom said, work on your confidence and go get 'em! :)
     
  4. Here's my philosophy:


    DON'T CHANGE. PERIOD. Why? 'Cause any girl who won't like you cause of some lack of confidence BS is not worth your time in the first place.

    I personally will only approach girls that have MADE IT CLEAR they are interested. This is cool, except my friends tell me I have an uncanny ability to NOT recognize flirting. I will NOT, AND NEVER WILL (unless I'm drunk, which I don't really do any more), approach a girl who hasn't given out signs. Not worth the trouble.

    That whole traditional "guy HAS to approach girl" is also BS. So keep that in mind. My first girlfriend ASKED ME out, and my second one (the one I am presently with; we are around a year) was going to, except I beat her to it. And again, the ONLY reason I did is because I could tell she was very interested. We are very happy together right now.




    But - If you want to use the confidence blurb, here's the only thought I can give you: Just believe in yourself that what they say doesn't matter. If someone laughs in your face, you have to think "It's their loss; not mine" and go on to the next person.

    Use your head and your heart, man. Not your crotch (especially when you see someone that is obscenely hot; thinking of them first is fine, but you must understand this: If they aren't good in conversation and/or don't have a good personality, they must be discarded.) To this day, I have not met a sinfully hot person I would even remotely consider dating.



    Just my point of view. Shallower people may choose looks over everything else. All I got to say to them: Good luck, you morons. :rolleyes:
     
  5. yoshi

    yoshi

    Jul 12, 2002
    England, London
    Maybe she thinks the same thing, just turn them two statements in her view and re-assess your possibilities :)

    Mental note: go to hockey matches.
     
  6. You see her on a regular basis at the hockey? Your dad talks to her mum? And you're left standing there staring at her?

    Well try this:

    "hey.. hows it going?"

    "what have you been up to?"

    "yeah i havent been doing much, just school....."

    Start off like that.

    :D:D

    Merls
     
  7. Johnny BoomBoom

    Johnny BoomBoom Supporting Member

    Jun 8, 2001
    Glasgow, Scotland
    "We need to stop meeting like this!" Really corny/cheesy, but it just might break the ice! After the ice is broken, wing it - be yourself! It either works out, or it doesn't! Don't worry about it, and remember, it's better to regret something you did, than to regret something you didn't do!:)
     
  8. Prime Mover

    Prime Mover

    Feb 16, 2003
    TN, USA
    advice...seems to be my specialty...Socomesurfing nailed it on the head. Life is all about disappointments. We all learn at an early age. You have to be rejected to be finally accepted...gosh...that sounded dumb, but you get the gist. Anywho, talk about the things that interest you, eventually, you will find a girl with the same interests. Along the way of finding a girlfriend to date, you will also acquire some really good friends in the process. Look in the mirror every morning and learn to love yourself. I for one love geeky nerdy men...I don't know why, but I do, maybe they make me feel smart. Looks are not everything. Its seems that way now, but the heart usually takes over and the personality usually wins over looks. Let these girls get to know you from the inside out. Make friends both male and female, and the rest will just fall into place.

    I hope this made sense at four in the morning.
     
  9. wulf

    wulf

    Apr 11, 2002
    Oxford, UK
    How about this? Forget for a moment that she's a girl and you're a boy. Imagine that you're both just people and that you might have some things in common, in which case you can relax in each other's company but, if not, that's cool as well - there are plenty more people, and you can still be polite and respectful towards each other.

    Start off relating to people rather than 'looking for a chick' and the pressure's off - you might even make a few friends even it takes a while to find someone who you really spark with.

    Wulf
     
  10. 1. Relax.

    2. You don't have to start off so fast, just talk to her in general terms. I really haven't experienced things ever getting uncomfortable from this.

    3. She hasn't made any signs, but have you made any obvious ones. If you think about it that way, it really doesn't necessarily mean anything that she hasn't made any noticeable signs.

    Try these out. I am terrible with girls. Even though I know what I should do, I still cannot do it. Oh well, at least when I found my girl, it was really natural and easy.

    Geoff
     
  11. DanGouge

    DanGouge

    May 25, 2000
    Canada!
    Dude, I'm sure that there are other aspects to who you are... I'm not going to try to give you the locker-room pep talk or whatever, but everyone has something to offer. Let's try to put this another way: maybe she doesn't like cocky, overconfident jerks who define themselves by there appearances and obsess over their haircuts.
     
  12. DirtDog

    DirtDog

    Jun 7, 2002
    The Deep North
    Hey man -

    I was just like you in high school - except I made my mark as the class clown - lots of confidence in front of a group but terrible on the one-to-one thing with the ladies.

    The less you objectify a girl that you like, the less scary the whole process is; you hang all your hopes on getting with the one girl you're focused on and then she rejects you - pretty harsh outcome.

    Also, the less desperate you seem, the more attractive you become - it took me years to learn that lesson. It always seemed to me that when I did have a girlfriend, other options would appear...

    Yeah, you do need to build some confidence - but don't compromise your personality to suit anyone, male or female.

    How about this for a start: why don't you talk about the hockey game with this girl? Why don't you work it so that the two of you sit together for part of the game (so your Dad can sit with her Mom)...
     
  13. baba

    baba Supporting Member

    Jan 22, 2002
    3rd stone from the sun
    Ask her about herself. Get her to talk about what SHE's interested in. She may be hard to open up but she will recognize and really like the fact that you showed interest in her interests. Trust me on this one....you will be one of the few men she ever runs into who takes this route instead of the "look how great I am" route.

    Most importantly, if you get rejected, get over it and try again. The sooner you come to terms with rejection and accept it as part of the dating/meeting process the better.
     
  14. P. Aaron

    P. Aaron Supporting Member

    Getting involved with a girl is alot like getting the right job: They have to be "right" for each other.

    There has to be "chemistry" there as well. Something has to click between you and her(who-ever she is).

    Most IMPORTANTLY: You have to know WHO YOU ARE! Where do you see yourself in 4-5 years? Do you have any GOALS? Relationships can either enhance your future, or hinder it.

    To be self-assured (of WHO you are) is going to bring you into contact with similar people. Losers attract losers, successful people attract and seek relationships with those whose values reflect their own.

    You have to build an attractive "self" through your desire to be better at everything.(Demand more of yourself) Place those demands on others as well. You want a "winner" too.
     
  15. WillPlay4Food

    WillPlay4Food Now With More Metal! Staff Member Supporting Member

    Apr 9, 2002
    Orbiting HQ
    As far as the low self esteem thing. I've been plagued with this for decades, but I've found that going to the gym regularly has increased my self esteem immensely. My scale is starting to complain less when I step on it as well. :)

    Like babadingding said, get her talking about herself. See if you share any common likes/interests. Get her laughing. My wife said she was attracted to me not only because of my looks, but because I was able to make her laugh and see the lighter side of things.
     
  16. moley

    moley

    Sep 5, 2002
    Hampshire, UK
    Translated, that means "you're ugly" :D j/k
     
  17. Ívar Þórólfsson

    Ívar Þórólfsson Mmmmmm... Supporting Member

    Apr 9, 2001
    Kopavogur, Iceland
    It´s ,,Visually challenged" :D


    j/k ;)
     
  18. Try not to think of her as someone you want to go out with, but try and think of her as someone you want to be friends with. That way you might be able to talk to her as you would your other friends and not get stuck for words.

    2 good reasons for this is:

    Firstly. you will be able to speak to her more often and in a more relaxed way.

    secondly. other guys who fancy her will see you talking to her and think you are going out with her so will back off.

    If things work out and you can talk to her as a friend you will be able to have more natural opportunities ask her out for a burger, cinema etc. If you still fancy her once you are friends you can ask her out but if you decide not to ask her you still have a good friend, who might be able to introduce you to some of her girlfriends.

    Hope that makes some sense.

    Anyway good luck with whatever you do.
     
  19. WillPlay4Food

    WillPlay4Food Now With More Metal! Staff Member Supporting Member

    Apr 9, 2002
    Orbiting HQ
    Say what you want, I'm still married :spit: to the most wonderful woman in the world! :D :bassist:
     
  20. PeaveyTNT

    PeaveyTNT Banned

    Jul 21, 2002
    USA
    Thanks guys...

    All this "talk about general stuff" is pretty good advice.

    One problem:

    My dad and her mom never go off and talk. They just stand there. If they went into the bar, maybe I could start something, but she would probably just go sit down.

    So, the way I see it, I should get to know my bass more and start a love-hate relationship with it.

    Of course next time I see her, I might give it a try.

    :bassist: