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Help me out here.

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Woodchuck, Jan 1, 2005.


  1. Woodchuck

    Woodchuck

    Apr 21, 2000
    Atlanta / Macon (sigh)
    Gallien Krueger for the last 12 years!
    I was in the studio tonight, and I was asking Marq ("Waterfalls" bassist) about our friend Darrell. Darrell was at a local bike shop and he fancied a red Yamaha R6. I told him that it was too much bike for him, and Marq begged me to talk him out of buying it, so we both did. He bought it anyway and promised that he'd only ride it with us. Anyway, I asked Marq about Darrell, because I hadn't heard from him in a while, and he said, "We buried Darrell on Thanksgiving weekend. He died on the bike that you and I tried to talk him out of getting." Now I feel at fault, because maybe I could've tried harder. I don't know man. I'm really screwed up right now.
     
  2. Don't feel bad. He made the decision to go out on the bike by himself, even after he told himself to only do it when riding with you guys.

    Chuck, I know how you feel, my cousin died it a car accident. I could pm you my cell phone # if you want to talk.
     
  3. You had absolutely no way of knowing that he was going to die on that bike. He told you that he was only going to ride it with you or Marq. I'm sure there's lots of things you've done that you could have tried harder at (I know there is for me), and maybe if you knew it was going to end in the death of a friend you would have tried harder. But you didn't know this. It was not your fault in any way.

    You can look out for your friends to a certain extent, but this guy was a grown adult, and he bought a powerful bike of his own free will and had an accident. If he was determined to buy the bike, then the only way you could have stopped him would have been to take his wallet and throw it in ocean. Mourn your friend's passing, but don't blame yourself for it.

    Lastly, I'm very sorry that he died, really. Stay strong man.
     
  4. Mike Money

    Mike Money Banned

    Mar 18, 2003
    Bakersfield California
    Avatar Speakers Endorsing Hooligan
    Ain't your fault... You told him it was too much... His stupidity killed him... simple as that.
     
  5. karrot-x

    karrot-x Banned

    Feb 21, 2004
    Omicron Persei 8
    Definitely not your fault, if it wasn't for you he might have bought the bike sooner, and or done crazier things on it faster and shorten his life even more. There's so much death going around lately, something needs to be done to stop it. You took a huge leep forward in this by trying to convice him it was to much bike, without you he'd have probably died a whole lot earlyer.
     
  6. Josh Ryan

    Josh Ryan - that dog won't hunt, Monsignor. Staff Member Supporting Member

    Mar 24, 2001
    You tried, he knew you thought it was a bad idea. You can't make peoples choices for them.

    Sorry to hear it, I know it's a rough place to be.
     
  7. It's very easy to blame yourself. It makes the pain go away just a little if you can beat yourself up about it.

    DON'T. All it will make you do is feel worse off in the end. Try and remember the fun times you had with him, and thank yourself for the friend that you knew.

    When my best friend died after being hit by a car, I blamed myself. He was walking home from bass lessons when he was hit. I was the one who got him into playing bass. So in a very remote way, it was my fault. But all I could think of was "If I hadn't introduced him to bass, he would still be here." Sometimes, that thought pops up, and I have to fight it back down.

    Miss you, Charles. I will forever fear bears and protect Free Willy, thanks to you.:D

    Rock on
    Eric
     
  8. Woodchuck

    Woodchuck

    Apr 21, 2000
    Atlanta / Macon (sigh)
    Gallien Krueger for the last 12 years!
    Thanks for the kind words. As for the stupidity comment, as much as I hate to admit it, you're right on. A motorcycle IS NOT a trial and error type thing. I'll miss Darrell, but I'll still have a small hint of guilt, as does Marq.
     
  9. odie

    odie Supporting Member

    Hey man you did all you can. You explained to him that it was too much bike. His fate is/was in his own hands. Just as anyone does when they get on a bike. I have had 2 friends die while ridding and one was due to little experience.

    You did the right thing and you couldnt have done more.

    Sorry for your loss of a friend.
     
  10. _Unregistered_

    _Unregistered_

    Nov 3, 2004
    Listen, I don't know you, I don't know your friend. I'm only a guy that has been known to ride an occasional motorcycle myself.

    It was an ACCIDENT. You are correct, a motorcycle is NOT a trial and error kinda thing...but neither is a car. THOUSANDS die in cars every year. People just don't make as much of a fuss about it as they do with a moto, for some odd reason.

    No one hears of a friend dying in a car accident, and then becomes a constant "champion of the cause" against motorcycles, constantly repeating horror stories to all, as so often happens when someone loses a loved one to a moto accident. Motorcycles aren't evil. They are dangerous, but so are cars. Motorcycles can even sometimes avoid accidents that would otherwise claim a car, due to their increased manueverability. Everything in life is a risk. Everything carries its own risk/reward ratio. You can't live in a bubble, or there'd be no "rewards".

    It's very liberating and life-affirming to ride the open road on a moto. I feel sorry for those who have let their fear deprive them of the sensation.

    Motorcycles are a way of life in Italy, and people there die too...only it's treated the same as car accidents; it's an ACCIDENT. Sometimes, bad things happen. It's so not your fault.

    There are pedestrian accidents - you don't even have to be driving to die. You don't even have to leave your house. Most accidents happen in the home!

    You did warn him about the danger. I think Americans should all be warned just a little harder about the dangers of motor vehicles in general. I think nowhere near enough instruction is given to new drivers here - drivers of cars included; lest we forget how many innatentive "cage" drivers flatten bikers with startling regularity every year.

    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. You should not own any guilt for it, however.
     
  11. IvanMike

    IvanMike Player Characters fear me... Staff Member Supporting Member

    Nov 10, 2002
    Middletown CT, USA
    Sorry about that wood.

    Feelings of guilt are totally normal in your situation. We can all say "don't feel guilty", but it ain't gonna happen overnight. I twill help to look at the situation logically and realize that you probably wouldnt had much impact, and that there were others besides yourself who warned him. It also helps to look at your guilty feelings as "superstitious" or "magical" thinking. I'ts common to have the feeling that our actions could have prevented this or that from occuring, but it helps to sit down and realize how grossly over important you are making yourself by doing this. You'll get a laugh out of it if you're open minded about it. :)

    So, just realize that you're not at fault, but don't beat yourself up for feeling that way. Congratulations, you're psychology textbook normal. ;) BTW, I wish i could do the bike thing but my dad put me in front of him on his triumph when i was about 3 and opened 'er up. I think i didnt talk for 2 weeks and woke up screaming for a year. :eek: When i was 20 i hopped on my brothers scooter and had flashbacks at 35 mph - no can do. Old pontiac lemans, i can do a buck fifty, but on two wheels 20 mph is dicey for me. :p
     
  12. Woodchuck

    Woodchuck

    Apr 21, 2000
    Atlanta / Macon (sigh)
    Gallien Krueger for the last 12 years!

    Very well put. His wife said that both of his crash jackets were at home, and I've always told new riders, "If it's too hot for your gear, it's too hot to ride." Him running a stop sign and plowing into the back of an SUV @ 90 mph didn't help matters either.
     
  13. :( I very sorry for your loss, let me give you some well, hard learned advise.........STOP thinking of all the WHAT IF'S, you'll drive yourself mad with that kind of self talk............

    Mourn your friend's passing, but don't blame yourself for it.

    Peace to you........

    Treena