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Hi! Some advice maybe?

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by _girlfriend_, Sep 30, 2004.

  1. Hey, Im not a bass player myself (shock horror!). But my boyfriend is. Hes also a member here, but wont have been around much lately due to computer problems. Basically my problem is with him. Weve been together for 2 years, and his band look now like they are about to take off, important looking people floating around, playing bigger venues, etc. And Im so incredibly happy for him, dont get me wrong, hes an amazing guy and hes taught me so much, especially about music, but if he does get signed or whatever and starts going on one of these ages away new band tours, what am I gunna do? I just wanted to know how your significant others coped when you were away touring for weeks and months at a time? I didnt really know who to ask this, so I thought Id go strait to the source as it were! :help: Sorry if this is a stupid post, but who better to ask about bass playing/players and that lifestyle than the guys themselves.

    Thanx. _girlfriend_
  2. Marlat


    Sep 17, 2002
    London UK
    Full Story: http://www.thecouriermail.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5936,10917596%5E10369,00.html
  3. Fantastic! Oh the things people come up with!
  4. bmc


    Nov 15, 2003
    Are you cute?
  5. kirbywrx

    kirbywrx formerly James Hetfield

    Jul 27, 2000
    Melbourne, Australia.
    Well at least you posted in the right forum the first time round :)

    I havent been away from home for days on end because of the band, but ive spent 2 months away from my folks. They managed to stay sane by talking tome every day and keeping them selves busy. if you dont have time to think about him, you wont worry bout him. But for his sake, DONT accuse him of cheating on you because he got drunk one night in a bar...thats happened to me plenty of times
  6. bmc


    Nov 15, 2003
    There are lots of professions that endure what you possibly face. Airline pilots, flight attendants, oil workers, military, etc. If the bond is strong, it will remain. You don't have to go out on the road to stray from home. Ride it out. Your path will be clear and you will know what to do. Trust me.
  7. First of all, how old are you? If you're like...10, and so is your boyfriend I think its safe to say that his band not make it as 'big' as you think it might.

    Second of all, I don't have a second thing to say.
  8. Hmm, this sounds different from the normal TB members' girlfriends' posts. bmc had some good advice there (well, in his 2nd post ;)) It all depends on how strong yer relationship is, if you don't think you can last without him, then maybe it wasn't "meant to be" [/hollywood]

    Do what feels best, sit down and talk about it with him. If he does go away, do what Kirby's auld pair did, communicate with him as much as you can. And your font is killing my eyes. ;)
  9. McHack


    Jul 29, 2003
    Central Ohio!
    Well GF, Here's my .02 cents.

    I've never been fortunate enough to be in your BF's situation, but I never understood why being the sigoth of a musician should be any different,, if yer BF was a businessman, traveling salesman,, or whatever... You do the same thing any girlfriend would do, if thier boyfriends job were to take them on lengthy business trips...

    This is a transition time for him. He'll either do his part to maintain the relationship,, or he won't. The most important thing you AND he can do, is to be honest... With each other & everyone else in your life.
  10. Gard


    Mar 31, 2000
    WInter Garden, FL
    Some good advice here, here's my two pence:

    Talk. Communicate. However, DO NOT NAG.

    If you want to maintain a relationship with someone in this situation, you have to learn to communicate your feelings and concerns in a level-headed and honest fashion. Learn to keep in touch via phone and e-mail as much as possible, talk at least once a day, even if it is for a few minutes, or just a short "Hi, I'm thinking of you, and I miss you" e-mail. Don't be overzealous though, calling or e-mailing every hour could begin to make him feel smothered. Once a day is enough, usually.

    Never make accusations without incontrovertible evidence, and for pete's sake, never listen to RUMORS (if he "makes it big", there will be sure to be plenty of these). From my personal experience, and that of many others I know that have "been there, done that", the "rock & roll lifestyle" is not what it is made out to be in the media. All I ever wanted to find was a decent meal, a hot shower, and a clean bed to SLEEP ALONE in when I was on the road. It is not an easy life, you're constantly tired and lonely. The last thing I wanted to do at the end of a day was "party" or "hook up". I was too damn tired and mentally fried.

    As someone pointed out, this situation can arise in may different ways. My father was an airline pilot, and my parents managed to have a loving and happy relationship for all the years he did that (over 35), they still do today. I'm no longer on the road, but am involved in a long-distance relationship myself, and it is a similar situation. The key thing is to communicate without becoming annoying or nagging.

    Your boyfriend will probably end up appreciating you MORE for his experiences, if this is "the one" for each of you.

    Good luck, to both your boyfriend and yourself.
  11. Thanx for all the advice guys. Im under no illusions of life on the road, and if he wants to out and get drunk on his night off thats fine by me as long as he enjoys his time out there and is happy. Im not so much worried about him cheating on me, more coping with the long distance. At the moment hes 15 minutes drive away and thats far enough for me. Seeing each other depends more on time than getting to one another. I know I can call him stuff and he'd call me but Id miss having him to like, give me a hug and that ****. Him in the physical sense as opposed to just his voice and his words.
    As to our ages, Im 16, hes about to be 18 and the other members of the band are 23,30 and 31. And he may not make it 'huge' but even as a band trying to get out there hes gunna need to go off touring, even US colleges just to get himself out there.
    And as to me being cute, youd have to look for yourself!
  12. :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno: :rollno:

  13. Toasted


    May 26, 2003
    Leeds, UK
    Dont you be hatin' on Pierce now....
  14. He is as charismatic as a goldfish. And if you want to use someone as pillow, they should be fat and hairless. Not old, wrinkly and hairy...

  15. bmc


    Nov 15, 2003

    um....my daughter is 16.

    I'm outta here. See y'all on another thread.

    As for girlfriend, my advice still sticks, suffice to add that you both have a lot living to do and you will both be growing a lot in short erm years ahead. Let your life growth carry you as far as it can. Not many know what they want to do for a living until they are at least 25. This could be a big break for him. Who knows.

    You'll be fine. You path will be clear.
  16. Gia


    Feb 28, 2001
    pick up an instrument and start your own band!!!!! :meh:

    and quit crying!
  17. Alrighty then. And maybe most people dont know what they wanna do till theyre older but the British school system requires you to have a pretty good idea at 16. And he knows what he wants to do and so do I.

    And as for picking up an instrament and starting my own band, Im attempting to learn guitar (and can do one beat on the drums) me and the girlfriend of one of my boyfriends band members joked about making our own band, a band of girlfriends of band members who cant play instraments!

    Thanx for everything everyones said, I know things will be as they will be and I'll deal with things as they come I guess.
  18. Gia


    Feb 28, 2001
    the british school system does not require you to have a pretty good idea of what you want to do in life at age 16! :meh:

    you take 9 subjects for gcse, and then 4 for a levels.
    i chose to take 4 humanities but many of my friends did a mixture of humanities, maths and science. i don't know what direction i want to take in life, and the school system sure aint worried about it :p

    it's pathetic to aspire to be a band of just 'real' bandmembers' girlfriends. learn an instrument and become a kick ass band, who will blow their band out of the water.
  19. Mike Money

    Mike Money Banned

    Mar 18, 2003
    Bakersfield California
    Avatar Speakers Endorsing Hooligan
    Well... thats a tough one.

    He is a young man, who may become big and famous, which means there will be many a girl just throwing herself at him...

    Its part of the lifestyle.

    So, what you need to do is not get mad at him when he has girls crawling all over him. If he is actively going out and looking for it, sure, be mad. But if he is at a post-show party, and they are crawling on him, just leave it alone. As long as he isn't doing anything, don't worry about it.

    He isn't going to be able to call you every day. He may for awhile, but it gets to the point where you want to be left the hell alone... so guys stop calling the lady at home.

    Just let him be a rock star... and you can stay at home and do stuff with your girlfriends.