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Hilarious! It only hurts because its true.

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by engedi1, Oct 21, 2010.

  1. engedi1


    Sep 16, 2005
    I just came across this on the Nashville Craigslist and just had to share. I think all bass players can relate to most of these points at one time or another. Enjoy!

    Common Musician Phrases Translated:

    1. I have a PA. (translation) You will have to meet me at the gig 4 hours early to set it up and follow me to the band room at 5:00 AM to unload
    it and not get paid for it.

    2. I have a killer practice room and a PA. (translation) It’s my band. You are joining me. So, I pick
    all the songs we are going to play and you have no say in it. If you
    don’t like it, go rent your own band room. And PA.

    3. I am working on a top secret project due out in 2013. (translation) I am
    jamming alone in my trailer waiting on Epic records to knock on my door
    at anytime.

    4. I am a huge Randy Rhoads fan. (translation) I am 45 years old and still have long hair and a funny shaped guitar.

    5. We are having closed rehearsals in my band room, period! (translation) I don’t have a girlfriend, so don’t bring yours.

    6. I am jamming with some killer musicians. (translation) Only one person answered my Bandtastic ad.

    7. I have transportation. (translation) I have a girlfriend.

    8. I found us a manager to manage our band. (translation) I have a girlfriend.

    9. I can’t make practice tonight. (translation) I have a girlfriend.

    10. We should get rid of that band member. (translation) I have a girlfriend.

    11. I have professional gear. (translation) I have a M arshall stack and a Les Paul. And a girlfriend.

    12. My band is going on tour. (translation) No clubs around here will
    book us. So, we are going to play gigs in Gastonia that my girlfriend
    booked with my PA.

    13. We draw a good crowd. (translation) Everybody in the band has a girlfriend..

    14. I am working on a concept album. (translation) I have a lot of little
    riffs for song ideas I can’t seem to finish and they really don’t make
    sense anyway.

    15. I am looking for serious musicians who can commit to a band. (translation) I am an ******* and hard to work with
    in a band. So, members usually quit after 2 months.

    16. I am throwing an after-show party. (translation) I have a 12 pack in the fridge. When it’s gone, the party is over.

    17. I am a local guitar legend. (translation) Finally, all the salesmen at Guitar Center know my name now.

    18. Our band got a record deal. (translation) One of our band member’s parents loaned us $5,000.

    19. That guy sucks on guitar. (translation) He's obviously better than me.

    20. We had a killer gig. (translation) We made a $100 each.

    21. I gave up playing hard rock to play more mature alternative rock. (translation) I’m going bald.

    22. That band member was fired and now he’s trying to steal our songs. (translation) The guitar player quit.
  2. hahahahaahahahahahahaa
  3. Infidelity

    Infidelity Supporting Member

    Jan 14, 2010
    Melbourne, FL
  4. Ebelow

    Ebelow Supporting Member

    Jul 27, 2008
    Campbell, CA
    Awesome! :) LOL :D thanks 4 sharing!
  5. pklima

    pklima Commercial User

    May 2, 2003
    Kraków, Polska
    Karoryfer Samples
  6. Oh, man... Good list. I think the "pro gear/pro attitude" thing bugs me the most.
  7. Me too. I am not a pro musician, but it seems to me that those that are wouldn't need to mention something like that. Why not try "has own equipment, mature attitude" or something like that?
  8. HeadyVan Halen

    HeadyVan Halen

    Jun 11, 2010
    "I am working on a concept album. (translation) I have a lot of little
    riffs for song ideas I can’t seem to finish and they really don’t make
    sense anyway."


    "We had a killer gig. (translation) We made a $100 each."
    -My band

    "I am a local guitar legend. (translation) Finally, all the salesmen at Guitar Center know my name now."

    -Me, again

    Great stuff man...great
  9. alembicguy

    alembicguy I operate the worlds largest heavey equipment Supporting Member

    Jan 28, 2007
    My favorite is
    "we are serious musicians we dont do covers"
    Translate to I cant figure songs out!
  10. jgroh


    Sep 14, 2007
    Ha! I think I was told every single one of these sayings at one time or another!
  11. bassbully

    bassbully Endorsed by The PHALEX CORN BASS..mmm...corn!

    Sep 7, 2006
    Blimp City USA
    Funny stuff!
  12. interp

    interp Supporting Member

    Apr 14, 2005
    Garmisch, Germany
    Very, very funny!
  13. t0t0m


    Dec 8, 2008
    LOL..very funny
  14. so what if i dont have a license and my girlfriend drives me?lol
  15. jpTron


    Apr 19, 2010
    All the "I have a gf" ones are hilarious

    Or cause cover bands are lame?
  16. MatticusMania

    MatticusMania LANA! HE REMEMBERS ME!

    Sep 10, 2008
    Pomona, SoCal
    LOL! :p
  17. JMac- Wiskerface Designs

    JMac- Wiskerface Designs Terror headcase dude

    Jul 8, 2009
    Atlanta, GA
    All completely true........ I have heard most of these before.......... Love the "jamming alone in my trailer" one, priceless....... Everytime I read one of these CL threads, I think about the band audition I went to back in the late 90's. Three mid 20's jerk-offs sitting in the drummer's parent's basement, making crappy music and drinking beer. Jam room littered with beer cans, KFC boxes, and dirty laundry. The jackasses wouldn't even help me unload my gear. Luckily I had my Girlfriend with me to carry my bass while I lumped my rig down the stairway of garbage........ As I have allready stated, True and priceless.... Kudos excellent thread!
  18. This is a great one:
  19. bassolp


    Nov 27, 2008
    QUÉBEC ca
    bass player for Cavalia
    niceee ahahah cant stop laughing
  20. LilRay

    LilRay Commercial User

    Dec 27, 2007
    Between my Roscoe and Leather
    Owner: Cockeyed Cow Custom Leathercraft


    Great thread.

    God Bless, Ray

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