1. Please take 30 seconds to register your free account to remove most ads, post topics, make friends, earn reward points at our store, and more!  
    TalkBass.com has been uniting the low end since 1998.  Join us! :)

How about some pirate jokes to go with the new pirate theme?

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by secretdonkey, May 8, 2003.

  1. secretdonkey


    Oct 9, 2002
    Austin, TX
    There may be a few that are all-audiences friendly. This one is well, just clean enough to squeak by, I hope.


    A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender notices that his parrot can barely stay on his shoulder because the guy has a severe limp. Bartender notes that the wooden legs seems to be securely attached, but finds the problem soon enough - the guy has got a steering wheel shoved down the front of his trousers!

    The guy finally makes it up to the bar, and the bartender acknowledges him, saying, "Looks like a pretty uncomfortable arrangement you got there."

    "Arrrg! It's drivin' me nuts!" replies the pirate.

  2. Wrong Robot

    Wrong Robot Guest

    Apr 8, 2002
    What's a pirates favorite instrument?
  3. here's a pirate/geometry joke:

    Q:what did the pirate say to the baker?
    A: two pie, arrr!

    (circumference=2 pi r):cool:
  4. Have you heard about the new pirate movie? It’s rated AARRRRGGH! And do you know why? Because of all the booty!
  5. thrash_jazz


    Jan 11, 2002
    Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
    Artist: JAF Basses, Circle K Strings
    I like to play bass guitARRRRR.
  6. secretdonkey


    Oct 9, 2002
    Austin, TX
    Aye, she fits on the ship better'n me old pipe ARRRRgan! :D
  7. [​IMG]
  8. Nick Gann

    Nick Gann Talkbass' Tubist in Residence

    Mar 24, 2002
    Silver Spring, MD
    How about a limerick?

    There once was a pirate named Gates.
    He went round his poop-deck on skates.
    But he slipped onto his cutlass,
    And then he was nutless.
    and he was never again good on dates.

  9. The pirate was frugal with his money, but, his parrot was cheep.

    Where did the pirate find Davey Jones' gym socks?
    In Davey Jones' locker. :rolleyes:

    A pirate decides to go legit after many years of thieving. He decides to sell coconuts on one of the tropical islands he visited in his youth. He buys coconuts for 50 cents each, then sells them for 25 cents. At the end of the first week his faithful parrot says, "RAAWK, NO PROFIT, NO PROFIT. We'd better work Saturdays." :p

    A termite walks into a pirate bar and asks, "Is the bar tender?

    A pirate has a wooden eye as well as a wooden leg.
    He's very self concious about his wooden eye and doesn't date much. He finally orders a pirate self-help tape off the internet (the tape was pirated of course) and goes to the local Saturday night Scallywog dance. He gets up the courage to ask a young lady that has a bit of a bent back to dance.

    She replies, "To dance? Oh, would I!"
    He angrily fires back, "Hunchback!"

    Mike :D
  10. Jazz Ad

    Jazz Ad Mi la ré sol Supporting Member

    I just updated my avatar.
  11. Im a sock

    Im a sock

    Dec 23, 2002
    Central MA
    Whats the difference between a pirate and the crazy old guy with the eye patch that walks about shouting at people?


  12. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    look. not pirates. pirate _KITTIES_.

    jeeze. you people.
  13. secretdonkey


    Oct 9, 2002
    Austin, TX
    Okay, JT - hit us with your best pirate KITTY joke... :D ;)
  14. Nick Gann

    Nick Gann Talkbass' Tubist in Residence

    Mar 24, 2002
    Silver Spring, MD
    *Whispers to Floyd, Mike, and a few others in the thread*

    Hey, the Donkey just called JT out! Them's fightin' words, and this could be a good one...


    Yo, JT!! You gonna let that ass say that to you? Hey, did he just say something about your mama? Wooooaaahhhh JT, you gonna stand for this foo talkin smack bout you?

    I'm like that little guy next to the leader of the gang who does nothing but instigate :D
  15. What??!! donkey's dad is a guitarist? Ohhh! Donkey, you should this shiza yo, JT spreadin about yo daadeeee!

    Which country do pirates all love?

  16. PollyBass

    PollyBass ******

    Jun 25, 2001
    Shreveport, LA
    All I'm saying is that I popped a bag of popcorn,

    So something BETTER throw down.
  17. Okay! Here's a few. I must warn everyone that these jokes have not been tried out on the general public and may cause damage to pre-existing beliefs about pirates, and/or catch fire. :rolleyes:

    Which pirate never used a pole to fish?
    Captain Hook.

    Which pirate was overly concerned with food preparation?
    Captain Cook.

    What was the name of the pirate whose ink pen leaked all over his face?
    Blue Beard.

    What was the name of the French pirate who never wore shoes?
    Jean LeFeat.

    How does a pirate address two ladies of the evening?
    Yo, ho, ho.

    Which pirate squandered his fortune on breakfast cereals?
    Cap'n Crunch. (C'mon, this is for amateurs)

    and last, but, not least...

    Which female pirate sang Jazz?
    Cap'n Jane Monheit! (Hello, Moley! :D )

    Which way out of this thread?

    Mike :D
  18. Jazz Ad

    Jazz Ad Mi la ré sol Supporting Member

    Don't shout. :rolleyes:
    Is it better now ?
  19. Pirate walks into a bar and the bar tender looks at him and says

    Bar tender: I see you've got a hook for a hand there... that must have hurt.

    Pirate: Arrr... certainly did. Lost it in a sea battle when it got struck by a cutless.

    Bar tender: And a wooden leg... how did you manage that one?

    Pirate: was fighting away at sea and it got hit by a cannon ball... came clean off.

    Bar tender: And that eye patch... you lose your eye fighting too?

    Pirate: No... I looked up in the air and a bird shat in my eye.

    Bar tender: And you lost and eye just because of that?!

    Pirate: Well... no... it was the first day i got me hook see.

Share This Page