How close are you to your band?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by Gabu, Aug 16, 2004.

  1. Professional. Friendship is not needed to play, so long as everyone does their jobs.

    6 vote(s)
  2. Professional, the band members should be friends, but professional is a bit more important.

    18 vote(s)
  3. Personal, the band members should be professional, but friendship is a bit more important.

    18 vote(s)
  4. Personal. I can't write music in a band with people I am not friends with, even though they may have

    12 vote(s)
  1. Gabu


    Jan 2, 2001
    Woodland Hills, CA
    I am curious. Is it important to you to be 'friends' with your band-mates or do you prefer a more professional but less personal relationship?
  2. Fuzzbass

    Fuzzbass P5 with overdrive Supporting Member

    I prefer bands who get paid gigs, but regardless, if the band isn't fun then I won't stick around even if the money is excellent. Playing with musicians I enjoy hanging with, or am related to (the guitarist in my #1 band is my brother) adds to the fun.

    Playing with jerks is a buzzkill. I've politely declined paying gigs from good musicians whom I don't care for: sometimes because of trust (lack of), sometimes because of personality (too much of ;) ).

    I don't play to put food on the table so I can afford to be choosy.
  3. PunkerTrav


    Jul 18, 2001
    Canada & USA
    I'd prefer to play with friends. I'm generally more comfortable with them and feel less need to nail everything perfectly. I still need them to be professional and actually make progress. I need a balance. Professional friends.
  4. Prahainspring


    Oct 22, 2002
    New Jersey
    You've just summed up what I was thinking. When i'm sometimes asked to fill in the bass slot for a local band, i'm more profesional and get in their, do the gigs, make sure I play top notch every practice/gig, get paid and i'm on my way. When I'm playing in my band I like to be able to screw around a little yet still progress and thats much easier with people i'm close to. all though I found its easier (when its more proffessional situation) to say tell someone to leave the band if their not doing their part but its harder to ask them to play a line differently or a different key. With friends you could just say, "I dont like the way that sounds, change it!" but its nearly impossible to have the balls to tell them they're out of the band.
  5. Josh Ryan

    Josh Ryan - that dog won't hunt, Monsignor. Staff Member Supporting Member

    Mar 24, 2001
    1) they need to be able to play

    2) we have to at least get along while we are playing, being close friends/hanging out etc. is not needed.
  6. rickbass

    rickbass Supporting Member

    IME, here's the problem when you find that making "friends" with the other musicians is very important - it works great and makes everyone feel comfy in the short run..................BUT what happens when you find an available musician who can smoke that "friend"???

    Sure, Lynyrd Skynyrd were all these people who socialized with each other and were a great success. But they were an anomaly.

    The game is just so competitive today. Finding a few hacks who can jam in your garage with loser gear is where most of us start but you have to move on.

    But, if you want to play out, you get ads up on the bulletin boards at your music stores, take out internet/newspapter ads, have your chops down reasonably well, and have decent gear that will let people hear quality sound.

    Even then, you may be embarrassed, but you know you can find out where your mistakes are.

    Go look at local bands that are doing the deed and ask yourself, "What is that bassist doing that I'm not????"
  7. Prahainspring


    Oct 22, 2002
    New Jersey
    PLaying root notes, buried under the guitar :p

    No, I kid. Very good point.
  8. Planet Boulder

    Planet Boulder Hey, this is a private Supporting Member

    Nov 10, 2001
    6,482 feet above sea level
    I once had impure thoughts. Oh, and I pluck my ear hair.
    It has to be a delicate balance of the two. I've turned down offers to play in bands whose personnel didn't quite jibe with my personality. By the same token, I've turned down offers from bands who were made up of VERY compatible personalities but who simply did not appear to be as professional as i would have liked.

    The band I'm in now is the perfect mix for me - we're all friends and we're all equally professional. I have to temper my instincts because I'm quite anal when it comes to EVERY aspect of the band (which is why I usually take the "leadership" role). I have to force myself to remember that things aren;t always going to be perfect or ideal and that I have to roll with opposing opinions. Fortunately, i have an easy-going personality that allows me to accept others' opposing views rather gracefully.

    The hardest thing for me to deal with, aside from impossible egos, is bandmates (not in my band, fortunately) who spend as much time getting stoned or drunk as they do actually practicing. I have never played a gig (in 25+ years of playing) drunk or stoned and I'm not thrilled about those who do (or at least those who do, but can't handle the inebriation). Hey, I like a beer or two while I practice and during a show, but it wouldn't be fair to my bandmates or to the paying audience to stumble around on stage or to screw up because I was too inebriated.
  9. Figjam


    Aug 5, 2003
    Boston, MA
    Me and my band mates are best friends. They are my two best friends and we just happened to form a band.
  10. LiquidMidnight


    Dec 25, 2000
    I'm an introvert, so I don't need a personal connection to play music with people. I'm also a psych major, so I can deal with most personality types. With that in mind, playing with people who I have a personal connection with is still much more enjoyable.

    I'm very happy with the band I'm currently in, not just because these guys are probaly some of the best players I've ever dealt with, but because everyone has a professional, but still easy going personality. We don't hang out outside of band functions, (for one thing, we're pretty geographically spread out) but we often sit at the same tables during breaks. I find that if people are professional, a lot of the personal friction goes away.

    One of the perks of being in a smaller scene, is you get know many of the players - you know who the A list players are, who the B list players are, and you also learn who's easy to work with, and who's a pain in the ass. There are certain players that I won't work with, just because I know how much of a pain in the ass they are.
  11. Matt Till

    Matt Till

    Jun 1, 2002
    Edinboro, PA
    One is a cousin, One is an uncle, one is... new.

    NOt that well... :(
  12. We don't don't hanging out every day, but we keep in touch via. phone, email, AIM. And one guitar player I knew from High School. But we've been trying to hang together, but we all differnt schedules with school, work. but were all cool.
  13. Benjamin Strange

    Benjamin Strange Commercial User

    Dec 25, 2002
    New Orleans, LA
    Owner / Tech: Strange Guitarworks
    Just joined the band yesterday, so we're not raiding each other's underwear drawers just yet.
  14. Hollow Man

    Hollow Man Supporting Member

    Apr 28, 2003
    Springfield, VA
    I find that without a friendly basis (not necessarily a long-standing friendship), it often becomes too hard to express ideas that might conflict with those of another bandmember. People can be accomodating on a professional level, but I just prefer something more.
  15. Nino Valenti

    Nino Valenti Supporting Member Commercial User

    Feb 2, 2001
    Staten Island NYC
    Builder: Valenti Basses
    Theorem is like family. We've been together for 10 years.
  16. cosmodrome

    cosmodrome Registered User

    Apr 30, 2004
    ****town, Netherlands
    i've been playing in the band i'm in now for about a year and a half. i only knew the drummer and the rest have their own social lives. we don't hang out much and i don't feel the need to. maybe that's one of the reasons why rehearsal is always (well pretty much always) a lot of fun.

    i think you can compare it to work and collegeas. if you become too close you lose objectivity and maybe you won't critisize somebody because ur friends.
  17. RicPlaya


    Apr 22, 2003
    Whitmoretucky MI
    If your writing tunes you have to be close to your bandmembers in order for any magic to happen. You have to get inside eachothers heads. If your just gigging or doing covers it don't really matter as long as it works.
  18. Funkster


    Apr 6, 2000
    Wormtown, MA
    18 years with the same band so yes we are pretty close like Brothers...
  19. The poll choices are kinda limited. I usually end up getting pretty close friends with anyone I play with regularly. If someone's an arsehole, I won't want to play too often with him/her.
  20. embellisher

    embellisher Holy Ghost filled Bass Player Staff Member Supporting Member

    With a cover band, I think that you need to be friendly with each other, but it isn't necessary to be friends. It is necessary to be professional.

    With an originals band, I think that personal relationships are more important. To give an original composition life IMO, you need to be able to relate to the other musicians. Both musically, and personally. My drummer and I are best friends, and have been since we were teenagers. My guitarist is probably my closest friend, after the drummer. And the drummer is married to our singer.

    But you have to be able to give criticism. And take criticism, without taking it personally.

    What is cool about my band is that we all like each other, but can also give each other constructive criticism.

    We come from diverse musical backgrounds, which helps a lot too IMO. When one of us brings a song in, we have an idea of how it should sound. A lot of times, by the time we 'Lucid Dreamerize' it, it winds up sounding totally different.

    A few times, that has been a problem for the individual that wrote the song, and they were able to communicate it successfully and we made the recommended changes.

    But most of the time, the person who brought the song in agrees that although it doesn't sound like it did before jamming it and arranging it, the end result is fresher and better.

    I know that some great creative relationships have existed between individuals who despised each other. But most of the time, they didn't start out hating or disliking each other, it wound up that way over time.

    IMHO, a creative relationship is more stable, long term, when the people like each other. And respect each other.