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How do you comfort someone who's mother is dying?

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Uncle K, May 20, 2016.


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  1. Uncle K

    Uncle K The bass player doesn't get a sandwich Supporting Member

    Aug 22, 2011
    Erie, PA
    I welcome any suggestions
     
  2. sissy kathy

    sissy kathy Back to Bass-ics Gold Supporting Member

    Apr 21, 2014
    Arbutus, MD
    Unless you have lost someone close to you, I'm not sure you can; and even then it's difficult.
     
  3. tfer

    tfer

    Jan 1, 2014
    My mom died last fall.

    You can't.
     
  4. hrodbert696

    hrodbert696 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    You can't really comfort them. But you can empathize with them and support them, make sure that they know you're with them and you care.
     
    TheBear, Fat Freddy, pcake and 3 others like this.
  5. slobake

    slobake resident ... something

    Don't try and comfort them just be with them and be their friend. It can be awkward but it is the best way.

    The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing... not healing, not curing... that is a friend who cares.

    Henri Nouwen
     
    frnjplayer, PWRL, Manichga and 9 others like this.
  6. Listen if they feel like talking.
     
  7. jmverdugo

    jmverdugo

    Oct 11, 2012
    Katy TX
    You can't, just be there for them when they need you. asked them out for lunch to "catch up" or something like that, basically anything that helps them think of something else for a moment. But don't go there saying you can understand their pain because that is not true, you can't, don't patronize them.
     
  8. GIBrat51

    GIBrat51 Innocent as the day is long Supporting Member

    Mar 5, 2013
    Lost Wages, Nevada
    You can't, really. ^This^ is about the best you can do...
     
  9. All good answers here. I'll only add that a hug is worth a thousand words.
     
    Monster Truck likes this.
  10. Munjibunga

    Munjibunga Retired Member

    May 6, 2000
    San Diego (when not at Groom Lake)
    Independent Contractor to Bass San Diego
    Follow slobake's advice. Also, don't give advice to the grieving person. .
     
  11. embellisher

    embellisher Holy Ghost filled Bass Player Supporting Member

    Lot's of good advice here. I lost my Mom back in February. If you haven't been through it, you really can't relate. Just be a friend, and be willing to listen, if they want. And like Munji said, don't try and give advice to the grieving person.
     
    Monster Truck likes this.
  12. Sav'nBass

    Sav'nBass Supporting Member

    Jan 18, 2009
    Northern Va.
    You can't. All you can do is walk down that road with them and be there when they have to stop by the roadside to give. Even if you have been through it and actually especially if you have been through it then you know there is only so much you can do. Just be there through the process.
     
    Monster Truck likes this.
  13. I agree that you can't. It's being there that's most important.
     
    Monster Truck likes this.
  14. blastbass

    blastbass Banned

    Mar 8, 2016
    bombay
    By being there.
     
    pacojas and Monster Truck like this.
  15. Bassamatic

    Bassamatic keepin' the beat since the 60's Supporting Member

    They are right Just be there. Don't try to say anything supportive - you can't. Your presence is what is important and will count. A hug and an offer to get them anything they need, etc.
     
    Gaolee and Monster Truck like this.
  16. TOOL460002

    TOOL460002 Supporting Member

    Nov 4, 2004
    Santa Cruz CA
    Are they of drinking age? Friends are there to buy you a round and listen to whatever they need to say or not say. Maybe go see some stand up comedy or something. Minor distractions can help normalize situations. It can't be fixed aside from time.
     
    Monster Truck likes this.
  17. T_Bone_TL

    T_Bone_TL

    Jan 10, 2013
    NW Mass/SW VT
    Don't make a fool of yourself, and be supportive.

    It's likely to be different for different people, and different mothers, at different stages of their lives - the 16 year old kid who's mom has incurable breast cancer that will most likely kill her in a couple years or less is a somewhat different case from your 50-60 year old kids with moms who've lived a full life and may well be coming to an end of in it in such a way that it will be a relief to all (dearly departed included) when it's finally over; and a range all the way in-between and probably beyond (accidents, murders, suicides, etc...)
     
  18. Just been through this with my wife and her mom. It was a long drawn out process that went on for quite awhile.

    Everyone is right. There is just about nothing you can say that will change anything.

    Try to understand. Try to be supportive without being a lecturer or pontificator. Don't talk.....listen. They aren't looking for advice or answers....they are looking for a friend to be with and relate to.

    Sometimes they will get angry and vent on you.....it's nothing personal...just them lashing out in their pain and despair. Try,try,try to understand how they feel.

    Don't get overly soppy or emtional....just be as understanding,kind and supportive as you can.
     
  19. MAJOR METAL

    MAJOR METAL The Beagle Father Supporting Member

    Hugs.
     
  20. Skeezix

    Skeezix

    Sep 28, 2005
    Jacksonville, FL
    Some great advice has already been given so I will just say... be there.
     

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