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How do you deal with the guilt/torment of selling things?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by dfreeland83, Mar 14, 2019.

  1. dfreeland83


    Feb 12, 2017
    Durham, NC
    I'm getting married in two months and I wanted to sell a couple of things to pay down a bit of CC Debt (grad school has been unkind to me), but every time I start taking photos / etc., I get super down, especially when I think about parting with a few specific instruments.

    How do you personally deal with these decisions? My issue isn't that I'm strapped for cash, but rather that I want to pay off some other debts. Part of me feels guilty about bringing around 10k of debt into a new marriage with a woman that has zero debt, but she also says that she 100% understands, I put my life on pause for three years. Also, I'm moving from a $15k student job to a $55k IT Job 2 months after graduation, so I think I should be able to eliminate a lot of it quickly if I focus on living the way I have for the past 3 years.
    Novarocker and EatS1stBassist like this.
  2. mikewalker

    mikewalker Supporting Member

    Jul 30, 2017
    Canada, Eh!
    "all things must pass"...
  3. hrodbert696

    hrodbert696 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    They are just things, not people. There's nothing to feel guilty about.

    I buy and sell stuff, though not at the rapid turnover pace of some people around here. Over time I've built up a stable of several instruments that are unique one way or another; a custom 5er by John Toon, a Carvin SB4000 that I bought with second-place prize money from Jeopardy, a Yamaha BB415 that carries a custom decal of Batgirl, a Duck-Dunn style FrankenP-bass. I doubt I'll ever sell those, just because if I let them go, I can't just get another like them. Other instruments, though, if I'm not using, I'm happy to sell them, and likewise amps and pedals. You can always get another amp.
    Ti-Ron, Winton, TheBear and 3 others like this.
  4. dfreeland83


    Feb 12, 2017
    Durham, NC
    The specific bass that inspired this thread is a Metallic Orange BB415.

    I think you're right. I need to take the unique stuff off the table. Amps / etc. can go, but things that I don't see every day, like my BB415, should be taken off the chopping block.
  5. Bodeanly

    Bodeanly Supporting Member

    Mar 20, 2015
    The best advice I can give is to get out of debt before getting married, make sure her debt is minimal, and sit down and come up with a financial plan on which you both agree. Your anticipated bump in salary may not feel like one if you do not do this.
    mikeyjm2, IamGroot, JZQuantum and 9 others like this.
  6. Anything can be replaced. I was like that when I first married. Not as much debt but a MUCH lower paying job/career. After years passed & kids came. I still have a few things I would struggle parting with. Sold other stuff I wish I had back. Still don't make a lot of money, still have debt, still have stuff that I should sell.
    HardNHeavy likes this.
  7. Good advice. You will have a good starting pay also. Me/wife started out with low pay jobs for us both. Like we could never get ahead. We lived (still do) frugal. But still cost of basic living keeps us behind
    Bodeanly likes this.
  8. buldog5151bass

    buldog5151bass Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.

    Oct 22, 2003
    Wait. You have $10k in debts, with a $15k job? I assume this is beyond student loans.

    A new job is more money, but I have a feeling that married life will cost you more as well. If you don't need it for gigging, sell it.
  9. dfreeland83


    Feb 12, 2017
    Durham, NC
    The marriage is in two months, regardless. As far as debt, we've actually already sat down as a couple and looked at what it would take to do the Dave Ramsey snowball-thing. I was debt free before college, but not working my first year, at the same time as having not-so-great tenants in my rental house, frankly, screwed me. I blew through savings and had to start using cards. On a positive side, the value of my rental home has went up enough that I may be able to make a quick $10k on the sale (I definitely want to sell it, it's 3 states away, but I'm thinking that should help).

    Her debt is zero, but she's in social work and moved in with her folks to pay off everything two years ago. My debt, as mentioned, is crap because of grad school, but at least I had a full ride (sans living expenses).
    Matt Liebenau likes this.
  10. Gunga Din

    Gunga Din

    Jun 22, 2018
    Last year I let go a Steinberger XL2A that I'd had since 1991 to pay for something else. That, my two Warwick Thumbs, and a 4001CS are the only ones I still harbour reservations about selling.

    Old adage: You don't know what you've got until it's gone.
    BergerHead likes this.
  11. dfreeland83


    Feb 12, 2017
    Durham, NC
    The long and the short, I made $60k+ a year in my old field, but it's not where I was called to be. I hated my job, and, through that, my life. I started applying at grad schools in my preferred field, and got a full ride @ Duke University in my respective program. I had a nice life, decent car, owned a house, all that, and uprooted it all to take a chance. It will pay dividends in the future and I'll be in a field I love, but it was a rough three years. I guess if $10k in credit card debt is all that it really cost me to get a Masters from a school like Duke, then that's not too hateful.
  12. Bodeanly

    Bodeanly Supporting Member

    Mar 20, 2015
    It's great that you've already talked it through. Debt can be murder for a marriage. Would selling the house for 10k put you in the clear? Are you only selling gear to make monthly payments? Sorry for all the questions. I had student loan debt after grad school and ate oatmeal for three years to make the payments. Turns out, I love oatmeal.
  13. dfreeland83


    Feb 12, 2017
    Durham, NC
    Selling the house for 10k would put me in the clear sans undergrad loans. Those are an unfortunately necessary part of life at the time. I was incredibly smart, but didn't qualify for crap. It is sortof funny that I can go to a grad school that costs 40k a year for free, yet I got no help whatsoever for my 12k / year undergrad program.
  14. Coolhandjjl

    Coolhandjjl Supporting Member

    Oct 13, 2010
    Our youngest just moved out, we are now officially empty-nesters.
    Can't believe all the crap we have accumulated. Why do I have all this $hit?
    Sometimes I think the only out is to get hit by a tornado and just walk away with a check.

    But seriously, everything gets sold at some point at time. Either by you, or by your survivors.
  15. Bodeanly

    Bodeanly Supporting Member

    Mar 20, 2015
    Keep the gear. Sell the house and pay off the credit cards. Student loan people are more likely to work with you and missing a payment won't destroy you like the other. Also, do you like oatmeal? Are there any lifestyle choices you can make to save money? I bet there are. You'd be surprised how much little crap can add up. Best of luck to you and the future missus.
    6Bass101 and Bass Man Dan like this.
  16. dfreeland83


    Feb 12, 2017
    Durham, NC
    Also, I haven't ruled out being *that guy* and starting a random GoFundMe. If a dude can raise 55k for Potato Salad, I can appeal to the sympathies
    As jacked up as it is, I used to pray for a fire / tornado to just wreck my old house (sans tenants being there, of course).
  17. buldog5151bass

    buldog5151bass Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.

    Oct 22, 2003
    Well, as they say, !@#%@# happens. Certainly do everything you can to get it paid down. The interest rates kill, and less financial issues makes married life easier. Peace.
  18. dfreeland83


    Feb 12, 2017
    Durham, NC
    We both discussed that, too. Other than musical instruments (for me) and a few collectibles (for her), we're actually both incredibly frugal. We budgeted our expenses, insurance, etc. last week. Combining utilities / rents / etc., our total income, sans additional expenditures, should be around $1500 a month to the positive. We're both pretty sure that dating life is way more expensive than married life for our budget (not living together, living 45 minutes apart, almost always going out, out of necessity, etc.)
  19. Biggbass


    Dec 14, 2011
    Planet Earth
    realistically, how much is selling a couple of music items going to impact the debt of grad school expenses? If it's just a drop in the bucket then maybe consider another way to knock the debt down.

    personally, though, I have some criteria by which I usually sell things musical:

    1- I never sell during the frozen months because there is too much risk of freeze damage in shipping.
    2- I price the item accordingly and within reason to satisfy both buyer and seller so it will sell without having to sit on it for an extended period of time, relist, and haggle a lot. The goal is to get it outta here!
    3- Once I decide to sell it - I box it up, measure & weigh it, ready it for shipping, get the shipping estimate for the listing, and put it in the garage...it's an out of sight-out of mind thing. This is the part of the process that makes it easy to let it go. Once it's in the shipping box it's just a box to me.
    4- I try to remind myself that it's just 'stuff'. And Stuff can always be replaced.
    I can't take it with me when I go, and none of my grand kids will honor it like I do, so I convince myself that they'll only destroy it if I give it to them.
    Cliff Colton and interp like this.
  20. Don't sell things?

    Seriously, I wish I was a hoarder sometimes..... In the nineties, vintage guitars were very cheap in my area and we (my wife and I) bought and sold them like crazy. If I had kept the guitars/basses that we sold, I would now have thousand more dollars.

    We had:

    1961 Fender Jaguar Guitar (nice condition)
    1961 Fender Fender Mustang Bass (immaculate)
    1968 Fender Stratocaster (beautiful)
    1973 Fender Precision (very good condition)

    ... all with original case/hardware

    Now, I want to cry.
    Omega Monkey likes this.

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