how do YOU deal with this kind of person

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Joe Nerve, Oct 14, 2003.

  1. Joe Nerve

    Joe Nerve Supporting Member

    Oct 7, 2000
    New York City
    Endorsing artist: Musicman basses, Hipshot products
    <<<<<<<<<< Rant Warning!!! >>>>>>>>>>

    Dear Abbey,

    There's a new guy at work. He's someone I knew and respected many years ago and I was happy to initially see him as I wasn't even sure if he was still alive. I thanked him and told him how he had influenced me in my younger days, and in some ways was a mentor. He's got about 15 yrs. on me. I used to have a lot of respect for him.

    Now either drugs had the best of me back then, or they took their toll on him over the years - but this guy now annoys me to no end and I'm not sure how to deal with it.

    Every time he sees me he corners me and starts telling me super long ass ultra detailed stories about things that I have zero interest in. Doesn't matter who's sitting with me, who I'm talking to, what I'm talking about, where I am - he just gets right into things like..."This weekend I went to an electronics festival and so and so was there. so and so was the 1st person in history to ever blah blah blah blah blah blah, I knew him when was living in chicago, we used to blahblahblahblahbl...., so he tells me blah blah...." arrrrrrgggghh!!!!!!! Doesn't give me a chance to get a word in, turn the conversation around, doesn't respond to anything I say. Just runs his mouth.

    I've showed my disinterest by saying "I have no idea what your talking about". Don't matter. People have gotten up and walked away in the middle of his tirades... doesn't faze him. I'm usually his direct target. I excuse myself the first chance it seems I get, and then he seems annoyed. I wouldn't care actually but I have to see this guy every day, and right now we have the same free time together.

    I'm avoiding him (unsuccesfully), but I want to find the right way to tell him, "I haven't the slightest interest in anything you talk to me about, your name dropping crap gets me sick, you're self centered, rude, full of yourself, and you annoy the living hell out of me. Try conversing WITH someone sometime as opposed to conversing AT them and leave me alone"!

    Any suggestions on doing that nicely?
  2. pigpen02


    Mar 24, 2002
    I think your "friend" and you both might both be best served by a private conversation(confrontation?) concerning his habits.

    It sounds like he simply has very poor social-interactive skills, in that he's not reading the cues you and others are sending him expressing displeasure or disinterest w/ his tirades, is seeking to impress w/ dropping names and knowledge. Maybe take the guy aside, and quietly but confidently explain your situation, his behavior, and the inherant problems. Otherwise, it'll just go on and on, and inevitably one or both of you will have your feelings hurt.

    I often find that people lacking certain social skills are completely unaware of their failings, and are fairly receptive to having these things pointed out to them, provided it's done so gently and constructively. As long as your intent isn't simply to get the dude to go away, and he's not a highly strung ultra-violent methamphetamine addict, he may appreciate the time and care another takes to help, even if that help is just to facilitate a smooth and comfortable working relationship.

    Good luck
  3. Joe Turski

    Joe Turski

    Jul 29, 2003
    Hey Joe,
    It sounds to me that there is no nice way to put it! This guy just won't take the hint. Hit him hard and just tell him like it is. If he gets pissed off and never talks to you again, good that's what your looking for anyway right?
    You seem to be the kind of person that does'nt like to be mean, and I respect that. You can only do so much to save someone the embarrassment of down right verbal abuse. From what you said, you tried to be nice and he obviously has no respect for you, or else he would'nt have joined you at the table and just monopolized your conversation. If he is not a close personal friend, be as harsh and rude as you can to him. Tell him to take a hike and to leave you alone for good!

    I also strongly dislike, hate is to strong of a word, to be mean to other people. But if there is someone I don't like and don't want to be around, EVER, I make it perfectly clear to stay the hell away from me. But I have that kind of face that keeps some people away from me anyway....A double edge sword for me. Because once you get to know me, I'm a cool laid back kind of guy.

    So bottom line...Give him a steel toed boot to the ass!! :p
  4. Fuzzbass

    Fuzzbass P5 with overdrive Supporting Member

    I would suggest cutting him off and changing the subject to something that *does* interest you. But if you have no interest in talking with him at all, then that's not going to help... :meh:
  5. Since he won't take the hint I'll give you a hint.

    Foot + His testies + running = solved

    Take that Mr. Jakubowski and your Algebra 2 !!

    If it doesn't work at least he will think your a f-ing wackjob.
  6. Petebass


    Dec 22, 2002
    QLD Australia
    The psychology behind this is interesting. I'm certainly no expert but from my experience with similar people.......First of all, people like him are usually trying very very hard to make friends and often over-do the chit-chat to try and hide their own insecurities. Correct me if I'm wrong but his stories seem to revolve around portraying himself as being important and/or well connected. He's probably stepped it up a gear as he tries to impress as many people as possible at his new place of employment.

    It may not seem like it now but people like this usually don't keep it up forever. Eventually they run out of stories to tell and it's easy to say "you've already told me this one" with a smile. Pretty soon he'll go looking for someone else to bore. He'll also feel less compelled to talk himself up as it becomes clearer that he's earned a spot on the team of the new employer.

    Kicking him up the arse will just make him try harder to impress you!