How do you tell a guy you're not interested?

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by disenchant, May 19, 2007.


  1. disenchant

    disenchant You can't plagiarize yourself.

    Aug 9, 2006
    Elgin, IL
    I went on a CRAPPIE date. UGH. Guy started off by grossing me out at dinner by taking HUGE bites of food, and then talking and laughing with his mouth open so I could see his lovely chewed-up food. Then he went on and on and on and on about nutrition and nutritional deficiencies (he's a nutritionist) to which I politely listened to, but tried not to encourage the conversation. He made horrible jokes all night, which I gave a polite smile to and then he'd proceed to smack me in the arm and say "get it? Get it? You get it, right?" I tried to end the date nicely by saying "I'm so tired, thank you for a nice evening but I'm going to head home now" to which he said "Oh, can I get you some caffeine? Want some ice cream?" I gathered my things and walked out to the car where Mr. Clueless tried to kiss me but I dodged gracefully and gave him a butt-out butterfly hug (where you hug with your butt sticking out and give the butterfly pat on the back) and then jumped in my car and closed the door so fast his hair blew back.

    I always try to be nice when I'm not interested, but I've found that simply saying "You're nice but I don't feel a connection" is followed by begging and/or "give me another chance." So then I have to keep saying it until they get it, or be mean, which I hate.

    Is it best to be extra blunt, you know like the band-aid approach (just rip it off quickly!)? Does saying things like "you're nice" or "I had fun but..." only encourage and give hope? I always thought I was softening the blow. How about the guy approach and not returning phone calls? This guy is calling...and calling...and calling and so far I haven't answered because I don't know what to say.
     
  2. Ericman197

    Ericman197

    Feb 23, 2004
    Iowa
    Tell him you're not gay. That's what I tell the guys that try to hit on me.
     
  3. blankstare77

    blankstare77

    May 19, 2006
    Don't go out to dinner. Go out for a coffee in the afternoon first. It's less of an initial responsibility with length of time because you can easily say "oh sorry, I have something else going on today".

    Also, by lying to him (smiling, pretending to like him) you're only worsening the problem. The trick is to not lead him on.

    You can avoid this altogether by going out to coffee!
     
  4. give em the rejection hotline
     
  5. Poop-Loops

    Poop-Loops Inactive

    Mar 3, 2006
    Auburn, Washington
    You play bass. Take that 9lb. piece of wood and swing it like a bat.
     
  6. funkydjembe

    funkydjembe

    Apr 5, 2007
    Norway
    If the guy doesn't have enough feelings (or radar or antennae) to catch your feelings than he is blunt. There is definitely no communication there:rollno: Just say "thank you for the date, but I really need a guy with long hair". :)
     
  7. Poop-Loops

    Poop-Loops Inactive

    Mar 3, 2006
    Auburn, Washington
    At which point I can give you my number.
     
  8. TallLankyBastyd

    TallLankyBastyd

    Jan 31, 2007
    Seattle
    Have first date sex with him... then tell him you love him.

    You'll never have to worry about seeing that dude ever again!!
     
  9. funkydjembe

    funkydjembe

    Apr 5, 2007
    Norway
    Or mine:hyper: (number that is)
     
  10. disenchant

    disenchant You can't plagiarize yourself.

    Aug 9, 2006
    Elgin, IL
    I guess guys can't tell the difference between a polite smile and a radiant "I like you" smile. My polite smile is a small smile, mouth closed.

    Usually I try to meet for drinks, and if he's ugly I order a shot and leave. But for some reason I got conned into dinner. Never again!
     
  11. disenchant

    disenchant You can't plagiarize yourself.

    Aug 9, 2006
    Elgin, IL
    ROFLMAO!

    That is CLASSIC!
     
  12. JanusZarate

    JanusZarate Low End Avenger

    Feb 21, 2006
    Petaluma, CA, USA
    In your case, some blunt honesty might do the trick. I mean, the guy focused on himself for most of the date, from how you're describing it. :meh:

    Problems to cite:
    - you two are not compatible; you're looking for a much different kind of guy
    - the date was uncomfortable
    - he's rude!

    However, I'm part of a dying breed of guys who actually still open doors for women, give them space to talk about themselves, and pay for their desserts... so my opinion probably isn't worth much. :meh:
     
  13. Poop-Loops

    Poop-Loops Inactive

    Mar 3, 2006
    Auburn, Washington
    I can. The only times girls do the radiant smile is when I say "Well... I have to go..." or something similar. Otherwise it's the polite smile.
     
  14. funkydjembe

    funkydjembe

    Apr 5, 2007
    Norway

    If I ask a girl to coffee,,,then that means I'm interested. A dinner is formal. A coffee,,,then I'm checking you out to see where your head is at. Nope. coffee is dangerous.:rollno:
     
  15. ibnzneksrul

    ibnzneksrul

    Feb 2, 2007
    So Cal
    Either that or emphasize the "M" word numerous times. Has the same effect. :D
     
  16. labgnat

    labgnat Inactive

    Oct 29, 2005
    outta this world
    the more you do to piss him off the less likely he will be to even try and talk to you. unless of course he snaps and gets stalky or violent.
     
  17. BassChuck

    BassChuck

    Nov 15, 2005
    Cincinnati
    From what you are saying about the date he doesn't pick up on clues very easily. You'll have to be blunt. Just do it.

    You've got nothing to gain by being vague. Most guys take advantage of women cause we know they really don't want to be hurtful.

    You've kissed the frog once, that will do.
     
  18. When you see things are quickly going downhill, try this: "I guess I must have misread you, and I'm sorry I wasted your time but I gay, and I thought YOU were too!". Then after that bombshell sinks in: "It looks like my "GAYDAR" is on the fritz tonight, it does that sometimes when my infection becomes active and I can't read people as well as I normally do.. I date gay men because I feel safe with them".. He'll be a bumbling fool by that time.. looking for any excuse to 'cut and run'.. Problem solved!
     
  19. Vic Winters

    Vic Winters Supporting Member

    Apr 20, 2006
    Western NY
    If he doesn't have any connection to any of your friends/family/co-workers, just use those 3 magical words...



    I have AIDS.
     
  20. RWP

    RWP

    Jul 1, 2006
    Tell him your ex called and you're going to give it another try.
     
  21. Primary

    Primary TB Assistant

    Here are some related products that TB members are talking about. Clicking on a product will take you to TB’s partner, Primary, where you can find links to TB discussions about these products.

     
    Jul 28, 2021

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