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How Hard Is It For You To Quit a Band?

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by jive1, Mar 25, 2013.

  1. jive1

    jive1 Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    Just curious, since the topic of leaving bands come up alot.....

    How hard is it for you to quit a band?

    For me, unless the band meets the great triangle of musical bliss (music, hang, pay), it's pretty easy for me. IME, bands are pretty dynamic and fluid, so leaving a band isn't always a negative thing or something that comes with alot of drama.
  2. Biggbass


    Dec 14, 2011
    Planet Earth
    No drama here. I make it quick and painless. Usually, by the time someone is ready to throw in the towel, it's been a situation that is past due and everyone knows it's coming anyway.
  3. RustyAxe


    Jul 8, 2008
    It's easier when I don't have friendship ties, for sure, but it's just a matter of doing what's right. If I'm not happy in the band I'm probably shortchanging them. Sucks for me, sucks for them. It's as simple as giving notice and staying on for gigs until a replacement is found (or, more likely, the band disintegrates).
  4. I have a hard time with it. For lots of reasons. Not sure why that is. I'm that way with my day job, too. Been here for like 13 years and I don't like it, at all. Honestly, maybe I'm just the type of person who hates change, and that's all there is to it.

    Plus, I've put in a lot of work and a lot of effort (with this band) and on some level quitting, right when we're starting to have success, is too much like "giving up". I hate quitting. I always feel like I lost. I hate losing.

    I am wrestling with the whole "should I leave my band" thing right now. It's a long story. :scowl:
  5. mpdd

    mpdd neoconceptualist

    Mar 24, 2010
    i'm too busy...
  6. Joe Nerve

    Joe Nerve Supporting Member

    Oct 7, 2000
    New York City
    Endorsing artist: Musicman basses
    I have a rough time leaving bands. Not sure why. Think it's cuz I love playing, have no problem playing with multiple bands, and often feel I don't want to let go of something I've already put a lot into.
  7. Chazinroch


    Feb 2, 2003
    Ontario N.Y.
    It's not hard if I'm not happy with the situation. But I always give ample notice and play any dates that are on the calendar up to my "quit" date. If I have a practice rig that I keep at the rehearsal space, I allow the band to use it for auditions. I try not to burn bridges. You never know.

    Regarding Jive 1's triangle of musical bliss... 2 out of 3 usually isn't bad unless there is an extreme amount of tension.
  8. I have guilt issues leaving a group sometimes. It depends on how deeply involved I've become with them, and how the friendships have progressed. I will always trust my gut, because I'm getting older and still have some rockin' to do, so I'm not wasting any time with what doesn't feel right.
  9. jmattbassplaya

    jmattbassplaya Looking for a gig around East Islip, NY!

    Jan 13, 2008
    Long Island, NY.
    Kinda depends on the group and the people involved, but I'd say that I lean towards the 'it's harder for me' side. I think Joe hit the nail when he said that he just loves playing and dislikes walking away from something he put time into.
  10. bassbully

    bassbully Endorsed by The PHALEX CORN BASS..mmm...corn!

    Sep 7, 2006
    Blimp City USA
    For me it's very easy if the hang strats to go bad or the whole thing goes south. I was in a classic rock band once where the guitarist had it out with the singer and the rest of the band was just lazy. I had enough and quit...no second thoughts.

    In the next band the guitarist had a drug problem he hid and just started getting wacky again no problem bailing.

    Leaving the country band I just re- joined was hard. The music, hang and money was good but the travel and some other demands from my job made it no fun anymore.

    So yea I can walk easy if it goes south but if it is not really the band or it's my issues or a personal reason on my part I would have more trouble then.
  11. bassbully

    bassbully Endorsed by The PHALEX CORN BASS..mmm...corn!

    Sep 7, 2006
    Blimp City USA
    I quit a band this past winter that was a side project when my originals band got slow. It was cool and I liked the music since I got to be creative and use effects and all. We did 4 shows and recorded an EP. The singer/guitarist had money, job issues and wanted to take time off. After 2 months of nothing I decided not to go back and rejoined my old country band. The BL called a week latter and wanted to get back up if I was willing. I told her I was not and she understood.
    I had mixed feelings about it and felt I let her and the drummer down but there was a big age diff and it truly was not my scene or type of music.
  12. Wesley R

    Wesley R Supporting Member

    Tough for me usually. It depends on how long we were together. Usually I was a founding member.

    A few bands were the exception, and there was dancing in the street. Probably on both sides.
  13. BBox Bass

    BBox Bass Supporting Member

    Apr 2, 2011
    NW Pennsylvania
    Depends on the band. A few years ago, I quit a country band whose BL had good connections and was able to land high-paying gigs. I enjoyed playing with the drummer and the BL was an amazing guitarist, but I just could not get into the music. When I resigned, I told the BL all of the above and he thanked me for being honest. He handed the bass role to his teenaged son, who had been playing rhythm guitar. Last time I heard the band play, the son sounded like he was holding his own just fine.

    I quit an all-woman blues band after 3 weeks. They called me in to audition after their previous bassist had quit and the guitarist went through her entire list of female musicians in a 30-mile radius. I was at the end of the list. The members lived up to the old female stereotypes of high drama, backbiting, and manipulation. They wanted to capitalize on the woman thing by giving the band a cliched and overused name that I thought screamed "Come see us because we're chicks!"

    The guitarist really wanted her egomaniacal brother to sit in and play harmonica on occasion, which I thought was a bad idea because I dated him a few years ago and we did not part on good terms. They told me they wouldn't invite him if it made me uncomfortable, but I could tell they were not happy about it.

    The delusions of grandeur were everywhere as the BL continually promised that she could get them high-profile shows. I decided after the second week that I'd seen enough red flags, but I gave myself a few days to compose an email explaining that I didn't believe I was a good fit. The keyboardist quit a few days later, which didn't surprise me because she wanted to sing more, even though her voice was no match for the BL's. A few months later, the BL brought in the bassist from her previous band. The current incarnation of the band has been together for 2 years and they play about 6 gigs a year at places like the American Legion in the BL's hometown of 2,000 people. Every time they post an announcement on FB, it starts out with "All female blues band..."

    The last band I quit was hard for me to leave. The lead guitarist kept cancelling rehearsals due to his work schedule and the rhythm guitarist was too stoned to be useful. I knew I needed to get out, but I got along with both guitarists, I liked the music, and I didn't have anything else going on at the time. After a year went by and it was clear that nothing would change, the drummer (newest member of the band) announced his departure. I followed. A few months later, my old band wanted me back and I went. Not too long after that, the drummer and I put together a new band.
  14. bluewine

    bluewine Banned

    Sep 4, 2008
    No problem, I am not friends with band members so I am not emotionally attached.

    I treat it just like giving notice on a regular 9-5 job.

  15. Marial

    Marial weapons-grade plum

    Apr 8, 2011
    I usually have a hard time with it. It's a loyalty thing.
  16. Phalex

    Phalex Semper Gumby Supporting Member

    Oct 3, 2006
    G.R. MI
    I have a really hard time leaving a band!

    I'm not a band slut. I like to be in a long term committed relationship. My problem is that I am frequently more committed than the other people in the band.

    I also have a sense of commitment that borders on obsessive. When I left my last band there were interpersonal reasons as well as just being too damn busy. I started the band 10 years ago, and I really didn't want to see the band fail because I was leaving (Mostly because we had committed to playing gigs, and I really do not like cancelling a gig. EVER!) So I stuck around, broke in a new bass player, and did my best to insure that the band would go on without me.

    Not that I've been back out to see them more than a handful of times.
  17. jive1

    jive1 Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    I do agree that it's harder for me to leave a band that I've been in for a long time, especially if we've become friends over that time. That's why I usually quit a band within the first few gigs/rehearsals. I think it makes it easier for everyone.
  18. theretheyare


    Sep 4, 2010
    Brooklyn, NY
    Endorsing: Arkham Vacuum Tube Amplification
    indeed, the more history with a band, the harder it is. That said, it can be painful, but it shouldn't really be a problem (that is, your co-members should respect your decision) if: a) you give ample notice b) fullfill all the gigs you've committed yourself too. c) make yourself yourself available in the process of finding/auditioning a replacement.

    It is a good way to not burn all your bridges behind you and leave that door open for the future.

    back in my younger and stupider days I suffered from the making-myself-unmissable complex. i had a tendency to assume more and more work in a band (arranging, composing, getting gigs) under the monilker "i can do this better than you" and then walk out in disgust because "nobody does anything but me", blowing up the whole thing in the process. Ah to be young and stuopid again....:(
  19. Igotsoul4u


    Nov 3, 2011
    If i am playing for fun, its insanely easy for me to quit if fun is not being had. Its harder when original material is involved.
  20. lbbc

    lbbc Supporting Member

    Sep 25, 2007
    Seaford , DE
    I have a hard time if we've been together a long time (my last band was a 13 year steady gig). But, you have to be true to yourself...if the $ aren't there, or the gigs are few and far between...or there is too much drama...it's time to leave.
    I left a relatively new endeavor with no regrets. The guys were great, the music was fun but no one wanted to step up and book gigs (something I've done for the past 37 years..and truthfully, have no interest in doing anymore). Just be honest, play out the required gigs and part on good terms......you never know!

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