Alright, when I was a freshman, someone paid me to drink a cup of Code Red Mountain Dew, filled halfway with salt. Needless to say, I did it. I was quoted in saying, "It's like there are a thosand tiny elves inside me stabbing me with tiny elven knives." As I was huddled in the corner. I threw up lasgna, it was orange. I promised myself I would never consume anything grosser than that. I broke my promise today. College kids know this: A bunch of cheap/easy food is awesome. What you lose in taste you gain in convience/value. So I bought 20 ready made "hamburger patties" from a company by the name of Flanders for 5 American dollars. I took my bargain home and decided to cook one of my burgers $0.25 hamburgers. Actually it was two. I got halfway through it, disgusted. It's like cheap spam, except grosser. My girlfriend reads the ingredience... main ingredient, Hearts. Soy and Hearts. So my question: How do you metal guys, ninjas, samuris, day time talk show hosts do it? How do you eat hearts. I always expected them to taste like a fallen enemy, not horse ****.