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how to deal with people who won't talk to you

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by solutionbassist, Apr 21, 2010.


  1. solutionbassist

    solutionbassist

    Apr 19, 2010
    we have a big band with two sub bands im the bassist for one sub band. the other girl won't talk to me, shows up an hour late without telling me, doesn't want to communicate about parts and weeks etc. When nobody shows up, or the the bass part isn't good cause she won't practice or try to get the songs from me or the website, we r both in trouble. How do i cooperate with someone who won't talk or respond to what I send her???????:help:
     
  2. I know this sounds ugly, but is it time to start looking for a replacement? I would give the person the benefit of a doubt and get more than one band member to see what the deal is.
    If the response is not acceptable, and he/she has no interest in talking, that pretty well is a solid indication on what to do.
    If there is some way to work it out, it needs to be addressed. This individual may have a problem the rest of you could help with. It could be a personal problem you do not know about.
    In the end, it's hard to work with someone who is not communicating. If nothing is resolved, it leaves you no choice.
     
  3. yeah, this is pretty much dead on.
     
  4. M0ses

    M0ses

    Sep 11, 2009
    Los Angeles
    Sounds like you're in a position where someone has authority over both of you. Insist that that authority does something to deal with it. If they won't, you're better off leaving anyway. Problems like that only get worse if not dealt with, and authority that won't deal with problems attracts more and more worse and worse problems.
     
  5. solutionbassist

    solutionbassist

    Apr 19, 2010
    shes leaving in about two months but its annoying there was a period of about 3 months where she didnt com to 3/4 of the practices and when i asked authority to deal with it, they told me to do it "contact her" is their words
    it would pretty much serve them right if i left because they won't have any bass players who can play any music:D
     
  6. solutionbassist

    solutionbassist

    Apr 19, 2010
    the only problems they fix usually involve when the bass rig isn't loud enough or when the drummer won't shut up about not being able to hear himself when he's already WAY too loud:D
     
  7. A non-existant bass player, or one who won't learn their parts and contribute their share of the effort is a much bigger problem, IMO.

    As you stated, this is starting to wear on you, as well. If you get overly discouraged and leave also, they will be dead in the water. You should communicate this to them. If this person (or persons) choose to ignore the situation after fair warning, they deserve what they get.
     
  8. Beej

    Beej

    Feb 10, 2007
    Victoria, BC
    I'd probably try to limit my contact with her to email and make sure the bandleader is cc'd on every one of them.

    Just a thought too - if she won't talk it could be due to her feeling intimidated by your tremendous chops, or she could have a crush on you but for whatever reason can't bring it up or deal with it and so she avoids.

    I used to be a high school counsellor... :D
     
  9. mongo2

    mongo2

    Feb 17, 2008
    Da Shaw
    I'd just wait her out.
     
  10. MEKer

    MEKer Supporting member

    May 30, 2006
    I'd be gone. Just the fact it is happening shows no leadership ANYWHERE in the band. I'd be gone.
     
  11. t bake

    t bake

    Dec 26, 2009
    Played and currently playing with a drummer that I did not talk to off stage or pratice for three years. BUT he /we nailed our parts,You do not have to be friends buddys or pals to put on a good show(It is nice though) today we are good friends talk hot rod go and see shows togather. IF the music will work give it time if not, NEXT!!! God Bless Gig on!!!
     
  12. solutionbassist

    solutionbassist

    Apr 19, 2010
    problem is we rnt nailing the parts if anybodys ever heard of salvation is here by lincoln bruster and tell the world by hillsong and quite a few others, she won't learn the parts
    wer sopossed to be doing a set on wednesday but shes not cooperating with the fact that i can't come
     
  13. 60's Bluesman

    60's Bluesman

    Feb 7, 2010
    Michigan
    she leaves or you leave, that simple
     
  14. Have you tried sign language?

    kid_finger.

    Kids just say the darndest things...

    Randy
     

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