Yet, at almost 34 years old, I've joined my very first metal band. The band name is still up in the air - they've recorded a few pre-Strange demos under the moniker Secrets of the Sky. Apparently, not only am I the de-facto bassist, but now I'm going to be the singer as well. Trouble is, I'm totally not metal enough. I'm a wee man, yet I'm in an ambient/sludge/metal band. Aren't you supposed to be fat, tattooed, and drunk? My Ovation Magnum weighs more than I do, I deplore tattoos, and I don't drink much at all. Hell - is an Ovation Magnum even metal at all? It's sunburst - shouldn't I be playing some pointy bass with blood painted on it? I don't own a single metal band T-shirt, nor do I have any spiked wrist bands, nor long hair. I wear glasses! How am I supposed to head bang without my glasses flying off? Help me, my brothers - I'm a metal noob, and need some counseling.