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I am thinking of quitting my band

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by LowNloud1, Dec 31, 2017.

  1. LowNloud1

    LowNloud1 Commercial User

    Jun 11, 2012
    Wilmington NC
    I am a hobbyist making stone picks that I occasionally sell but mostly give away. They made me do this anyways.
    My 90's band has been doing great. Better gigs, better pay. I am one of the founding members and I've been with the band for 4 years.

    We introduced a new drummer 2 years ago. An Alpha personality. Now he is making decisions for the band's direction without consulting the other members. We have always been a 1 member, 1 vote band until now.

    I don't do well with control freaks and the issues are causing me more stress than I am willing to tolerate. I've been down this path before and I don't want to go that way again.

    I am not confrontational by nature so I think it may be time for me to move on because there seems to be an indifference with the other members over the drummer asserting control. They are all professionals so they seem tolerate the changes better from each other than I can.

    I've thought about changing my role to hired hand instead of being a member. Up to now, we've invested the earnings back into the band except for an occasional pay out when the coffers were full. I figure if I no longer have equal status, why not draw on every gig in return for my diminished membership status. I relinquish my voting right and stay clear of the politics. I think I can tolerate that scenario.

    What would you do? Walk away or hired hand?
  2. Cheez

    Cheez Supporting Member

    Apr 13, 2009
    More stress than you are willing to tolerate? You’ve been down this path before and don’t want to do it again? Trying to change the relationship to a “hired hand” wouldn’t work....for me. Good luck with your decision.
  3. StraffordMike


    Apr 25, 2015
    Get out. It's too late now. Your dissatisfaction will only fester. Nip it in the bud now.
    DirtDog, bmac314, jfh2112 and 2 others like this.
  4. Seanto


    Dec 29, 2005
    Your post makes it sound terrible, but then you say you essentially want to stay in the band as a hired gun. Really, what is that saving you from? You'd still be in the band, just apparently getting paid less.

    You said you're not confrontational, but have you given any push back whatsoever to the drummer's decisions? If someone is making a decision for you and you don't like it, you need to speak up. You'd be surprised how other people will conform to your expectations, but first you gotta put it out there.

    So for me the two options would be, talk to the drummer about your concerns or simply quit altogether. But my main concern is this lame coffer you all setup. Only payout when coffer is "full"? Come on...
    craigie, pudgychef, Catbuster and 3 others like this.
  5. fdeck

    fdeck Supporting Member Commercial User

    Mar 20, 2004
    Madison WI
    HPF Technology LLC
    In my view, "hired hand" is usually a promotion. Go for it. ;)
  6. Dug2


    Sep 24, 2011
    walk, i think they would take the hired thing as an insult or something else
    to argue about. gl in what ever you choose.
    LowNloud1 likes this.
  7. JRA

    JRA my words = opinion Supporting Member

    you don't have to be a "confrontational" type to 'stand up' for your thinking (POV). it's not "all or none" unless you make it so. the drummer sees a 'path' for his thinking, while you are giving more than just a 'wide berth'....you are actually reducing the band culture-politic to either/or dynamics for yourself, and for them --- with you as the guaranteed loser. you will only have yourself to blame (i.e., be responsible for) any outcome (short-term or long-term).

    stand up for yourself and your opinions: prepare to be on the losing end of some of your band issues. be grateful for any progress made toward your vision. small victories on a larger battlefield add up!

    stop thinking about it and do something. then be patient while you actively look for other things you can do to advance your thinking/POV/vision.

    good luck! :thumbsup:

    edit: for humility: this is all IMO, of course.

    Last edited: Dec 31, 2017
  8. What about talk about the issue with the band? Maybe it will end up with you walking away but it could also end up with everyone agreeing and asking the drummer to change or leave.
    Hired gun on a band you are a founding member... That sound like a receipt for disaster IMO
    AngryHammer, Mili, Jim622 and 4 others like this.
  9. oldrocker


    Feb 13, 2005
    Long Island, NY
    IMO Alpha types are easier to deal with than passive-aggressive types. At least you know where the alpha type stands.

    It may that your band lacks any meaningful leadership, causing or allowing the drummer to take charge. What specific decisions or direction do you have issues with?

    I don't know how old you are but you may find these kinds of situations repeating if you don't learn stand up for things that are important to you.
    BBQisgood, aborgman, craigie and 13 others like this.
  10. crguti


    Feb 14, 2011
    ^ same as above. Even though the band can be a democratic ‘thing’ still needs a leader. Maybe your band is lacking one and the drummer stepped up.
    BBQisgood, Jim622, JRA and 1 other person like this.
  11. I'm thinking about leaving myband too. Too many missed practice sessions and no gigs. When we finally get together it is practically like starting new. Plus most of them are glued to tabs/chord sheets so there's little feeling or spontaneity happening. Our female singer sent out a bit of a nasty missive yesterday too.
    LowNloud1, asands and 5thsand4ths like this.
  12. I would think that even asking if you could become a hired hand the it would eventually lead to your dismissal. In my opinion, most bands want to seem like a democracy even if sometimes it's an illusion.

    You don't say whether his decisions are working or not, but you obviously don't like the guy, so to me it sounds like the beginning of the end. He took over your band and you resent it. The way I see it, you can talk to the other members and see if they're on the same page and see if they're willing to replace him, or move on.

    Good luck with whatever you decide.
    LowNloud1 likes this.
  13. PauFerro


    Jun 8, 2008
    United States
    I think you should try the hired gun approach and if they balk then quit. I just hope you guys have an exit strategy in place for when someone leaves so you end up with the spoils of your hard work over the last 4 years. Also, if you quit, leave the door open to be a sub if they need you...leave on good terms.
    LowNloud1 and Omega Monkey like this.
  14. Where are the rest of you bandmates on this? Are you guys friends or is this more a professional relationship? Perhaps they feel the same way you do. Perhaps not, and they're okay with the drummer calling the shots.

    One way or the other his decisions and vision will affect you all, and you all should have a say in it. I mean, if you're not happy, get out. It's not going to be fun, and I have been where you are and tried to buckle down and just do my job. I was not enjoying it, and all it did was give them the opportunity to sh*tcan me instead of me leave of my own accord, which I should have done when I noticed things started going sideways. We were a three piece though, and drummer and guitar player were buddy-buddy, so I had zero leverage. Your situation may be different, and you might be able to turn the tide. Or at least make the situation bearable.

    You've just gotta weigh cost versus benefit there.
    LowNloud1 likes this.
  15. RobTheRiot


    Aug 31, 2016
    las Vegas, nv
    ^^^ - I think this is the first thing to do; you didn’t mention actually talking to the other members yet. Maybe you assume they're ok w/ drummer’s behavior, but everyone is actually feeling the way you are.
    It sounds like you enjoy the band, and have built something pretty good, don’t walk before at least getting an accurate assessment of what’s going on.
    Good luck!
    LowNloud1 likes this.
  16. Spectre1966

    Spectre1966 Striving For Mediocrity Supporting Member

    Jul 4, 2014
    Wallingford, CT
    Talk about it with the band first. If an arrangement can’t be made to your satisfaction, then wish them the best and walk away.
    LowNloud1, Jim622 and red_rhino like this.
  17. theduke1

    theduke1 Supporting Member

    Dec 22, 2010
    Manitowoc WI
    Fire the dam drummer
  18. buldog5151bass

    buldog5151bass Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.

    Oct 22, 2003
    Couple of things:

    1. You say it's a 90s band with better pay, which sounds like covers. Then why are you "investing" most of your pay back in the band?

    2. If you are not making money, why would the other members allow you to take money home if they weren't?

    Either way, you aren't making money, and you aren't happy. Have a band sit down and discuss your concerns. Either things change, or I see no possible thing other than to suck it up or leave.
    Roberto Nunez, LowNloud1 and Stumbo like this.
  19. pcake

    pcake Supporting Member

    Sep 20, 2011
    Los Angeleez
    you say you're getting better gigs and better pay. who is booking these gigs? is the drummer directly responsible for the better gigs and better pay or is his band direction perhaps responsible?

    other than taking over the band as BL, does the drummer treat you guys poorly? insult you? you're getting better pay and no one is getting voting rights any more, but how i would deal with it - after thinking about it - would depend on how i'm being treated.
    LowNloud1, Jim622, Stumbo and 3 others like this.
  20. singlemalt

    singlemalt Supporting Member

    Dec 15, 2007
    White Salmon, WA
    Alas and woe, it’s another tale of “the band fund”. Popcorn, please!

    Usually, in any endeavor, there’s a mover and shaker. And that’s usually a good thing. Otherwise, much foot shuffling and navel gazing slows progress.

    You’re a fully vested partner, they can’t read your mind. Speak up, reach an agreement and forge ahead. Or split.

    Good luck extracting your cash invested.

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