I don't want to go to practice...

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by JC BASS 91, Dec 1, 2022.

  1. JC BASS 91

    JC BASS 91

    Oct 22, 2021
    SW Missouri
    Preface this little rant with the fact that I am playing in two bands at the moment, a cover band and an all original prog metal group...this post is in reference to the latter.

    I have been playing with these guys since June of '21. We have had a lot of fun writing music and playing, but there are three of us (guitarist, drummer and myself) and none of us are singing. We had a vocalist for a while that was writing lyrics to our music and doing a pretty good job, at least in my opinion. Things seemed to be really going in the right direction.

    When the vocalist came on board, the three of us told him that he should feel to restructure the songs as he felt he needed to in order to fit his lyrics. This was something that the three of us all agreed on when we told him he could do that. So, he did just that and things were really starting to gel. In addition to this, the vocalist was taking audio recordings of our music, cutting them and reassembling them into the structure he needed for the lyrics he wrote, then uploading them to YouTube for us to practice at home with, which I was doing so I could come prepared to the practices (once a week).

    Back in August, after being with us for about three months and doing a LOT of work on the music in that timeframe, the drummer got real snotty with him about one of the songs, asking him, "Which version of this song are we playing, because you have changed it three times." The vocalist pretty much blew up on the drummer, pointing out that he knew the drummer had not bothered to listen to the uploaded videos he had worked so hard on in order to prepare. It devolved into a shouting match from there.

    The following weekend, the guitarist and drummer wanted to have a meeting, just the three of us, to discuss the vocalist's future with the group. They voted to boot him...I abstained, because I felt it was the wrong thing to do as it would be a GIANT step backwards for what we were doing. It was at this time that I got the offer to join the cover band, which I was more than happy to accept.

    Since then, we have gone back to playing the music the way we did before the vocalist arrived. It has a total "jam band" feel to me anymore, and the stated goal of us playing out somewhere seems nothing more than a pipe dream, at least to me, as there is absolutely NO effort being made to find a vocalist.

    The drummer, while he is an ok guy, I think he is full of it when he says he has played live before, as there are things he says that just don't jive with my personal experiences playing live. The more he talks about things in general, the more I think he has problems with the truth. Then, there is the fact that one time at practice, after he had 7 or 8 beers in him, he admitted that he had crippling stage fright. Which REALLY makes me question whether he has played live before. It should be noted that he was the one that had posted Craigslist ads seeking a bass player that got me in the door, but nothing has ever been posted seeking a vocalist.

    The guitar player is a fabulous guy. I really like him a lot, and he wants to play out so badly he can taste it, as he has never played live. I would love to see him get what he wants, but I don't see that happening.

    As the weeks have progressed, I have found myself less and less interested in going to this weekly practice, even though I do enjoy the music we are playing, but I just feel like I'm treading water as we are not doing anything at all to move forward.

    Additionally, the two of them like to enjoy a few hits of the magic weed before and during practice (I do not smoke anything at all), and I have noticed that after they get a few hits of that in, things really devolve into a total jam...or not music at all, just a lot of jibber jabber about this, that and the other.

    I have committed myself to seeing this thing go somewhere, but I feel like the drummer is sabotaging things to keep it from ever getting out of the garage...and getting rid of the drummer is not going to happen. The guitarist would never let that happen, and if I talked to him about it, he would choose the drummer over me...no matter the fact that, logically, I am in the right. He feels connected the the drummer because they had been playing together for 2 years before I came along.

    So, I feel trapped. Trapped because I gave a promise to be committed to this, but at the same time, I feel like the drummer is manipulating things to keep us from ever going anywhere, and the guitar player is just too laid back to realize it.

    Because of all of this, every Thursday, when it gets closer and closer to time to go to practice, I get more and more inclined to not go, but feel honor bound to load up my gear and go.

    Anyone else ever been in something even REMOTELY similar?

    I really hate it, because like I said, I really like the guitarist a lot. He's a great guy...but there is a part of me that feels like I'm not doing myself or the guitarist any favors by sticking around, but I can't leave because I'm not a quitter and feel like I have invested a lot of time and energy into making this thing work. Even though, since August, I have put in NO time outside of that weekly practice on this band.

    By comparison, the cover band, I went to my first practice the last week of August and we played our first gig on November 5th.

    If you've read this far, thanks. Not really looking for advice, per se, just ranting.
  2. MonetBass

    MonetBass ♪ Just listen ♫ Supporting Member

    Sep 15, 2006
    Sounds like it's time to leave the prog metal group. If it were me, I'd get back together with the vocalist, who seemed to be pretty organized and motivated, and start a new band. (I know you weren't looking for advice, but there it is.)
  3. ArtechnikA

    ArtechnikA I endorsed a check once... Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 24, 2013
    Yes, in answer to your question, i have been in situations that were completely similar. They were not the right projects for me. So that's what I told them. No complaints or criticism, made it not about them at all, so there was no opportunity for argument.
    Elusive1, BlueTalon, StayLow and 3 others like this.
  4. JC BASS 91

    JC BASS 91

    Oct 22, 2021
    SW Missouri
    The vocalist has already started doing his own solo thing, which is cool. He and I have talked and he has found the idea of being in a band at this stage of his life to be "less than conducive to a stress free life".

    If I was to leave this group, I would still have the cover band I'm in to keep me occupied and musically engaged.
  5. JRA

    JRA my words = opinion Gold Supporting Member

    sounds like you have 'one foot out the door'. people break promises for lots of reasons, some reasons are compelling, but facing your bandmates to break it off sounds like it would be in order, for your own sake. good luck! :thumbsup:

    that's the ticket! ;) :thumbsup:
    HardNHeavy, Elusive1, fig and 5 others like this.
  6. I've come to think that any of these 'what would YOU do' band moan and groan threads that stretch into several paragraphs need to have an automatic QUIT/FIND NEW BAND algorithm kick in.

    Personally, I wouldn't rehearse anything for long that didn't involve gigging and making some money, and all the turf battles would point me out the door quick.
    basseux, Tony Bassplayer, fig and 6 others like this.
  7. AGCurry

    AGCurry Supporting Member

    Jun 29, 2005
    St. Louis
    It sounds like you want to make music, and the others want to get high. Neither the beer nor the weed are conducive to working productively... I speak from experience.
    design, Alik, Sands and 17 others like this.
  8. Richard Lindsey

    Richard Lindsey Supporting Member

    Mar 25, 2000
    SF Bay Area
    Beware the sunk cost fallacy. The fact that you've already invested time into this project doesn't oblige you to keep doing so. Sometimes you just have to say, this isn't working, and then leave.

    And being committed to a project doesn't mean you have to stay in it forever, no matter what. I'd say it means you give it your best-faith effort, and if that's not working, or if your conditions change in such a way that you no longer are able or willing to do that, then leave. If you think you can't, you're wrong. No one's trapping you; you're trapping yourself.
  9. Those high dudes have other goals. No problem with that.
    They are not your goals. Find some dudes that are on the same page as you.
    Hitch your wagon to that star and METAL OUT to greatness!
  10. Killing Floor

    Killing Floor Supporting Member

    Feb 7, 2020
    Austin, TX
    If there was ever a better time to fire the drummer…
  11. dave64o

    dave64o Talkbass Top 10 all time lowest talent/gear ratio! Gold Supporting Member

    The money, the hang, and the music - pick two. Sounds like you only have one - the music.

    Time for a talk with the drummer and guitar player an let them know - calmly and rationally - what the issues are to you and do they seem them as issues. If you don't see things the same way and or you can't as a band agree on a path forward, then maybe it's best to part ways. Nothing wrong with disagreeing and adults should be able to accept that. Then those who are in agreement can go in their direction and those who aren't can go in theirs.

    Hopefully they can be adult enough to handle it like adults.
  12. getbent


    Aug 20, 2010
    Chicago, IL
    It's definitely time to bail. Tell the guitarist that you've got no beef with him and he's got your number if he ever wants to do something else. Stay classy, there's only so many hours in a day and years on this earth.
  13. 51PRI


    Aug 7, 2014
    [/QUOTE]...I have found myself less and less interested in going to this weekly practice, even though I do enjoy the music we are playing, but I just feel like I'm treading water as we are not doing anything at all to move forward....every Thursday, when it gets closer and closer to time to go to practice, I get more and more inclined to not go, but feel honor bound to load up my gear and go.

    Anyone else ever been in something even REMOTELY similar?....[/QUOTE]
    Yes, I have. I was in a 3+ band (three piece plus lead singer) that I loved being in. We changed bass players (I was playing guitar) and it got even better, until he (apparently) got bored and started playing lead bass, and there were other issues, too, including covid. The LS fired him, basically, and we got a new bass player, who was young and very good, but the damage was done. I had lost interest. A health issue made me have to leave the band and they got two other guitar players, changed the name of the band, and are carrying on. So, yes, when that feeling of "I can't wait to get to band practice" is gone I don't know if it comes back.
    JC BASS 91 likes this.
  14. what he said
  15. Datsgor

    Datsgor Supporting Member

    Jul 29, 2000
    If I were you (OP) I would consider myself to be in a cover band only. Get in contact with the singer as suggested earlier.
    51PRI likes this.
  16. you have to look out for you, and like monetbass said and others id go find that singer and keep collaborating.
    hope it all works out.
  17. Smooth_bass88

    Smooth_bass88 vaxx!

    Oct 31, 2006
    Western Hemisphere
    bail on that goofiness. Find a group that's actually WORKING, as in playing and making money
    mambo4 and 51PRI like this.
  18. arbiterusa


    Sep 24, 2015
    OP, it would do you a load of good to read the definition of “sunk cost fallacy” so you can quit this dramafest.
  19. gln1955

    gln1955 Supporting Member

    Aug 25, 2014
    Ohio, USA
    No one should feel they are trapped in any band. Bands work until they don't and people move on. It's not like you have gigs or studio time lined up. You gave this a good faith effort and it just isn't going anywhere. Leave now on good terms, have fun with the cover band and maybe find better people to scratch that originals itch.
    crguti, ReggieRochester and Wasnex like this.
  20. dbsfgyd1


    Jun 11, 2012
    Mascoutah, IL
    Ok, no advice will be given. I have been in several think like this.